The Main Event

The time is now. You've had your warmup swings. You've gushed over the return of baseball. Now, it's time to get serious. Tonight at 7 pm at Professor Thom's it's Red Sox vs Yankees. It's the Good Guys vs The Bad Guys. It's the New vs. the Old. It's our guys you've never heard of but you find yourself strangely rooting for because they all try so hard against their spring invites that won't make the team and wear high numbers but you hate them anyway because of their pin-stripes which they're not even wearing.

And this time, it's personal.

Only a few more days until the first Boston Teabag Party on Thursday, a monthly showcase of the best Boston-area comics currently living in New York City. Hosted by Braintree, Mass's own NICK STEVENS (VH1, ESPN, Townienews.com), with DJ music magic and sidekick action from GEOFF ". More details to follow.

More Thom's Foolery

The brackets are set for the NCAA Tournament. so join Thom's online bracket tournament by clicking here. The password is: "bracket". It's free to join. There will be prizes.

It's been such a long time

I think I should be goin', yeah

And time doesn't wait for me, it keeps on rollin'

Sail on, on a distant highway

I've got to keep on chasin' a dream

I've gotta be on my way

Wish there was something I could say.

Brad Delp June 12, 1951 – March 9, 2007

Where Everybody Knows Your Game.

Okay, everyone can breath again. Just when you thought they were climbing out of the lottery, The Celtics ended their 3 game winning streak last night and got back to their losing ways. This year would be even more disappointing if they didn't ride their franchise record losing streak into the number one draft pick...Huh? What do you mean you don't understand? The Celtics. Basketball. Remember? Oh forget it. Back to baseball:

Dice-K continued to roll over opponents in his first start against major league talent. He had three K's in three innings against the Marlins Monday. Don't forget, we'll have Asahi specials whenever he's on the mound. And speaking of specials, SpaceMan Ale by Magic Hat will be back on tap soon. This tribute ale to former Sox pitcher Bill Lee is available only one place in the universe: Professor Thom's.

We'll be showing any spring training games they're showing. So, if it's not on, write nasty letters to NESN, MLB, Scooter Libby, or anyone else that will listen.

The Townies are Coming! The Townies are Coming!
Only one more week until the comedy event of the year. It's the Boston Teabag Party upstairs at Thom's Loft. Next Thursday we'll feature some of the most talented comic minds to escape New England. I swear, it will be a howl. It'll be funnier than that time Sully got his thumb caught in the coat hook under the bar at the Purple Shamrock and had to pound his beer so that his glass would be empty so he could pee in it while he waited for an ambulance to come to free his thumb, but had to pee again because he just pounded his beer and was dumb enough to order another. Now that was wicked pisser!

College Hoops

March Madness is here! We are the official bars of Michigan and UMASS, but don't feel left out we'll have your game on too and plenty of fans to talk too. At Thom's College Hoops fans know their game and yours too. So come out and join the party.

Football

This has been some off-season for the Patsies. First they signed stud LB Adalius Thomas, then stud Thom Terrific turns out to be also prolific. For the second time in the last two months one of his girlfriends, Gisele Bundchen, is with baby (gravida in Portuguese). I only wish Brady had this much accuracy versus the Colts!

More Press

It's getting so you can't swing a cyberstick without finding another story about the veritable olde Thom's. The Observer is tauting our "Jack Bauer Power Hour" this week.

Papa dont preach,

Im in trouble deep

Papa dont preach, Ive been losing sleep

But I made up my mind,

Im keeping my baby, oh

Im gonna keep my baby, mmm...

-Madonna Louise Ciccone Ritchie

Spring Has Sprung!

It's back. How do I know? Because you were there, and you were there, and you, and you too. Thom's was once again a hot bed of baseball activity last night as throngs of the Faithful watched the Red Sox battle to a 4-4 10th inning tie with the hated Twins.

Most of Florida was in bed by the time this one ended, but you were there. And, you'll be there again on Friday to watch the premiere of Dice-K as he battles those bold Eagles of BC.

And, talk about being there, Our own Gareth (he of sheep sharing) actually was there last night in sunny Florida representing Professor Thom's. He even sent a picture from his phone (above) to prove it. What other bar's blog has live shots of spring training? Ah, a little bit o'heaven.

Are you going to Florida to see the Sox? Let us know and we'll give you a sign from Harpoon to bring down. Anybody seen on the air with a sign will get rewarded bigtime!

Speaking of bigtime, have you heard about the Boston Teabag Party in the Loft?

"The townies are coming! The townies are coming!"

"As if New York didn't have enough smartasses, attitude, and transplanted Red Sox fans, now they get more of them all in one fantastic comedyshow.

On March 15th, 2007, Professor Thom's proudly presents the premiere of THE BOSTON TEBAG PARTY, a monthly showcase of the best Boston comics living in New York City. Hosted by Nick Stevens (from Braintree, MA -VH1, ESPN, Townienews.com), THE BOSTON TEABAG PARTY will feature the people who grew up in a city so historical, so sharp, so tight-knit thatwe all had to move to New York to make people laugh...for money. Plus, last call here is three hours later than Beantown.

Starring comedians from "Late Night with Conan O'Brien", "The Daily Show", SpikeTV and more, THE BOSTON TEABAG PARTY will not be all about Boston.It's about the people from Boston throwing a comedy party in NYC. Kindalike the 2004 ALCS. Except more enjoyable for Yankee fans.Sure to be wicked. Sure to be pissah. And sure to involve drinking and fighting."

March Madness

And, since it's the first day of March, madness is already setting in. If you want to see the coolest new place on the web to follow college hoops go testify at the Church of Bracketology. The most reverand Dr. Raycroft is breaking it all down for us.

In parting, happy belated 200th birthday Longfellow. (Oops! wrong long fellow.) Henry Wadsworth Longfellow's take on baseball's approach:

As a summer wind upheaves

The innumerable leaves

In the bosom of a wood,--

Not as separate leaves, but massed

All together by the blast,--

So for evil or for good

His resistless breath upheaved

All at once the many-leaved,

Many-thoughted multitude.

Dennis Johnson, Dead at 52

The closest I ever got to Dennis Johnson was when I approached him at the Celtics bench during a game to ask for his autograph. He was tying his shoe; he bit his bottom lip and just shook his head "no". I held that against him until I was all of 16. But, DJ is the guy I site every time I make the argument about what a point guard should and shouldn't do. He needs to direct the offense. He needs to distribute the ball. He needs to position himself for a medium range jumpshot. He needs to get back on defense. It seems these days, most point guards think their job is to penetrate, shot, or hit the 3. Not, DJ; he played the position perfectly. Watch in this most famous clip of DJ how he has the awareness to cut to the basket when he sees the steal.
RIP

Here are some more clips:

ESPN Tribute
Local Legends Tribute
Bird Steal
After
The Long Clip

Has Anybody Seen Manny?

Baseball is officially back! And, it wouldn't be the same without our favorite lightning rod: Manuel Aristides Ramirez. (Better our lightning rod than theirs!) Much like that globetrotter of yore, Carmen Sandiego, nobody knows exactly where Manny is.
But, we can guess:

Is he at a car show? Is he at the mall?

Is he in New York? Is he in the Wall?

Does anyone know where Manny is?

Hopefully he'll be back in time for you to see him at Thom's. The Spring is in full swing with the first scrimmage only a week away. The usual suspects, Papi, Shilling, and Manny have dominated the headlines. They have been joined in equal billing by Daisuke and his mythical gyroball.

While many of you are heading south to see the games the rest of you should be heading to Thom's. Not only will we be airing every game we can, we'll be hosting a showcase of New England comedians on the 15th with Nick Stevens and starring comedians from "Late Night with Conan O'Brien", "The Daily Show", SpikeTV and more, THE BOSTON TEABAG PARTY will not be all about Boston. It's about the people from Boston throwing a comedy party in NYC. Kindalike the 2004 ALCS. Except more enjoyable for Yankee fans.

Then on the 31st we're heading to Philly to see the last Sox spring training game.

After that the fun begins. There will be drink specials galore, clams, book signings, Asahi, pickles, rare game footage, movie screenings, Asahi, more clams, and baseball. My God it does not get better than this.

I guess I'm lying to myself

Its just you and no one else

Lord I won't miss you child

You've been blotting out my mind

Fooling on my time

No, I won't miss you, baby, yeah

-Sir Michael Phillip Jagger

Where Everybody Knows Your Name.

Any cursory study of the TV show "Cheers" would show that Gary's Olde Towne Tavern, that mustacheod rival of the good guys on Beacon Street, always won their intermural competitions with Cheers. Such is our fate too. Finnerty's and their foozball faithful beat Thom's last night in the final installment of the Bargame Games, taking the coveted Silver Bowl and proceeded to do the wanger-bop all over our sacred soil. In short, we lost. It was sad to be sure.

But, a more detailed analysis of said sit-com shows that Gary's Olde Town Tavern only appeared in 5 or so episodes. So, to hell with them! They're but bit players in our grand show. They won't be mentioned here again until the Bargame Summer Games. We have better things on the horizon. (Way to brightside it!)

The trip to Philly is philling up!

In case you didn't know, we have phorty tickets to the March thirty-phirst Red Sox game at Philly. It's the last pre-season game. Iph you have signed up already come in and pay phast; there aren't many spaces left. Iph you haven't signed up yet, do it now.

The Summer of Love.

Filmmaker Brett Rapkin wraps up his New York interviews this weekend for the documentary on the '67 Sox. He's been shooting the spots at Thom's. So, when it comes out, look for your local to be featured prominently.

Do You Know a Wicked Pisser Good Joke?

Comedian and VH1 celebrity Nick Stevens will be hosting a night of Boston comedians in The Loft on March 8th. Details to follow.

See, there is quite a light at the end of the tunnel.

Roll out of bed, Mr. Coffee's dead;

The morning's looking bright;

And your shrink ran off to Europe,

And didn't even write;

And your husband wants to be a girl;

Be glad there's one place in the world

Where everybody knows your name,

And they're always glad you came;

You want to go where people know,

People are all the same;

You want to go where everybody knows your name.

-Gary Portnoy and Judy Hart Angelo

T Minus 13 Days!

It was the worst of times...

The Bargame games took a nasty turn last night when that house of ill-repute next door, Finnerty's, beat Thom's in Poker. In fact, a Thom's player didn't even make the top two. Tsk, tsk. Now, it's all tied up at 3 games apiece going into the Megatouch finale next week. This is for all of the marbles. Come by Thursday night for the closing ceremonies of The Bargame games!

But, back to business:

Apparently the countdown has begun. Baseball is once again almost upon us. According the Mighty Quinn Media Machine it's 13 days, 23 hours, 3 minutes, and 59-no 58-ahm, 55- well you get the idea; it impends. So what is Thom's doing about it?

Well, if you haven't heard we're going to Philly on March 31 to watch the Red Sox in their final preseason game. We have 40 tickets and plenty of bus space. So, come on in and sign up. The first 40 to pay will be going.

That's all? No, that's not all. March 1, we're planning "A Night of Boston Comedy" in the loft. There'll be stand up, sketch, etc. all from funny guys from Mass. Details to come.

And? what do you mean "and"? that's not enough? Did I mention that all month long The Loft will be used to shoot interviews for a documentary about the '67 Sox? Yeah, that's right. An impossible dream come true.

We felt bad that the January Peter Gammons event got cancelled, so we decided to turn it up a notch. BAM!

Don't miss all of the games on DirectTV this year at Thom's. I haven't met one fan upset with MLB's proposal to allow DirectTV all of the out-of-market games. We'll be happy to have you. It's going to be one, big family. (BTW, in the spirit of full disclosure, Bud Selig, if you're reading this, Chris O'Reilly did not take into account beer specials, buybacks, and raffle winnings on his bill. He's making out like a bandit!)

I just can't wait, no, no, my baby

I just can't wait, no, no, no

I just can't wait, no, no, my baby

I just can't wait, no, no, no

-J. Geils

The Four Horsemen Have Come and Gone

Well, I haven't left the house since the world ended Sunday. I assume no one else is left and no one is reading this, but I write on:

Unmanned boats float up and down the Hudson River within view of my window. It's been 4 days since the eighth and last sign of the apocalypse showed itself; Peyton Manning defeated Thom Brady in a big game. These are dark days indeed. Why do I go on? I write for future generations of Patriot fans, so that they might know what hardships we faced. So, that they might know that there was a Golden Period before The Fall. That King Belichick was a righteous man despite what history might record. That his greatest warrior, Brady-the-Fierce, was unrivaled among men in this land. That for a time, New England was the center of the world, then it all came crashing down. What is one to do?

Go to Thom's for the Bargame Games! Drew evened the score last week with a thrilling 18th hole comeback in video golf over the hated Finnerty's next door. This week Drew hopes to continue his domination of said slop house in a friendly game of eight-ball. So what if zombies now rule the streets. Join us this and every Thursday for the Bargame Games ®.

Not enough to get over the blues? Well, hows about a trip to Philly? Reserve your space now for our March 31st trip to Philly to see the Red Sox take on the Phillies in their last preseason game. We got 40 tickets and a bus and we expect you to be there.

Yes, it's almost time for baseball!

Come writers and critics

Who prophesize with your pen

And keep your eyes wide

The chance won't come again

And don't speak too soon

For the wheel's still in spin

And there's no tellin' who

That it's namin'.

For the loser now

Will be later to win

For the times they are a-changin'.

-Robert Zimmerman

The Ballad of Ellis Hobbs

Charles Caleb Colton said "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery." Well, how very sincere our young friend Ellis Hobbs III must have been when he imitated that merry man Shawne for everyone's pleasure at midfield Sunday. (At midfield, so not to choose sides. How pious!) I'm just glad he didn't choose to imitate the classy Merriman in this video. (Apparently, he's not a big fan of "The Brady Bunch".) Merriman, and the rest of the Chargers for that matter, should have heeded another well tested Colton maxim "When you have nothing to say, say nothing.”

Saws aside, that was yet another chapter in the book of thrilling Patriots' finishes. Thank God the unruly Chargers made so many mental errors: dropping passes, fumbling, personal fouls after plays. And, to boot, Stephen "The Ghost Cow" Gostkowski finally showed his mettle setting the all time Patsies' playoff record with his 50-yard field goal! GOOOOOOO Ghost Cow!

This week will be a bit tougher. Never mind that the Chargers were favorite to win the Superbowl. The Colts will not make the same the mistakes. This promises to be another battle for the ages. Here's some highlights from the last time they played each other: Indy vs Pats. (BTW "Vic Payback" is my favorite wrestling name ever.)

If your coming to Thom's, get there early for brunch and stay for the first game: New Orleans at Chicago (3:00). We have a Brian Urlacher jersey to give away. "Urlacher", of course, is from the German for "source of laughter", so from here on in he'll be known on these pages as Brian Bozo, because Bozo always made me laugh.

Then at 6:00 the main event starts and we'll have give-aways upstairs and down stairs. That's right, both floors will be open for the games. So, you classy folk can head up to the lounge to enjoy a rousing match of football while the groundlings pack it in downstairs.

Tonight at Thom's

Come join UMASS alumni as they root their minutemen on against Xavier. Wear your gear for $4 Thom's Ale

The Bargame Games took a nasty turn last week when Thom's fell to Finnerty's in darts. But, this week the games come to Thom's. Drew and Gareth will be defending our honor in video golf. Come cheer them on at 8:00 and help us even the score.

Lights out
A-ha
Blast, blast, blast
Lights out
-Peter Wolf

Where The Action's At!

Well, the Jets game made more than a few of us nervous. The score says it was a blowout. But, most of the game was an heart attack. Stupid penalties and poor tackling almost left the Patsies in the first round.

Now comes the big one. This is the one that matters. This is the match-up of the century! You've been waiting your whole life to see this:

It's the opening ceremonies of The Bargame Games! Tonight's contest will pit Greg and Mike of Professor Thom's against two rapscallions from Finnerty's in a game of darts. The event will take place at Finnerty's at about 8pm. It's going to be ugly. To hell with UFC, this is where the actions is.

Then on Sunday the Patsies take on the lowly Chargers. Oh, I know what you're thinking: "The Chargers are the best team in football." But, they don't have Thom Brady. Phillip Rivers? That's not a football name, that's a lounge act. I think I saw him in Vegas opening up for "Vic Tayback: A Musical Life" at The Sands. (on a side note: I once stood next to Vic Tayback at the urinals in Harvard Yard. He was wearing a black polyester jacket that said Vegas in big letters and featured two large puffy dice. I said, "You're Vic Tayback, right?" He said, "Yeaahh" and flushed and left.)

The Pats play at 4:30 Sunday, so you'd better git there early for a Sunday, real early. How about Saturday at noon? that should be early enough. That's when UMASS takes on Temple in hoops.

Don't forget that if you're going to Boston, you can now get your bus tickets at Thom's. Just ask your friendly bartender.

Used to be sad, used to be shy

Funniest thing, the saddest part is I never knew why...

Kickin' myself for nothin' was my favorite sport

I had to get out and start enjoyin' 'cause life's too short

-Alan and Marilyn Bergman and David Shire

Are You A Patriot? Well, Are You Punk?

It's finally time. I know what you're thinking, Patriot fans are spoiled; they wait all season for the playoffs to start. How very presumptuous. Well, it wasn't long ago that we waited all season for the playoffs to end and be over with. We presumed we wouldn't be there. That's all changed in the Belichick era. The Pats are perennially feared in the playoffs, regardless of what they do in the regular season. And, their success has spawned imitators. Bill Belichick's main protege' Eric Mangini is manning the Jet that flies into Foxboro this Sunday at 1 pm. It's Obi Wan and Darth all over again. But, this time it's personal (And on Earth.) This rivalry is finally starting to mean something. So, in honor of this rivalry, we're going to start one of our own.

Finnerty's, the Yankee Bar next door to us, is getting to big for their britches. So, we're challenging them to The First Annual Bar Game Olympics. Our best will be competing against their best for bragging rights in darts, pool, video golf, poker, and Megatouch (For all of you Catholics out there, please don't confuse the video game Megatouch with the penance "mega touch".) The games will take place Thursday nights either at Thom's or Finnerty's We need your support. If you want to take part, let me know.

U-MASS!

I remember watching the Celtics play the 'Sixers when I was young and hearing mother say, "You know Dr. J went to UMass." I didn't go there, but I always found myself rooting for them. Now you can too. The Umass NYC Metro Alumni (We have to find them a beter name. TUNMA?) has designated Thom's as the place to watch UMASS hoops in NYC. In fact, if you wear your Minutemen gear you'll get $4 Thom's Ales. With the Broons getting shellacked 10-2 and the Celtics yearning for the days of Gerry Sichting the Minutemen make for a good winter diversion.

In Memoriam

The longest standing (or wheel chair bound, as it were) member of Red Sox Nation passed away this week. Kathryn Gemme was 112 years old. She was 25 when Johnny Pesky was born! Imagine, she saw all 6 World Series Championships The Red Sox won.

Don't forget to pick up your bus tickets to Boston at the bar-$15 each way.

Land Of Football Glory

Mightier Than Thee

Score, Yes We Shall Do

And Claim Our Victory

Football! Football! Football!

- T-Spoon

Happy Birthday!

"Jingle Bells" is not my favorite holiday song, not even close. That honor would go to one of the following: "Please Come Home for Christmas" by Charles Brown, or "Rooster Crows at Midnight (On Christmas Day)" by Leadbelly, "Christmas Baby Please Come Home" by Darlene Love, or pretty much anything from "A Charlie Brown Christmas". But, when I'm driving 93 South from my parents place in Woburn and I spy that Medford Square exit, I can't help but think of probably the most popular of secular holiday songs, "Jingle Bells".

It's said that composer James Pierpont penned "Jingle Bells" describing Medford Square at wintertime. (That would explain why he later moved to decidely unsnowy Savanah, Georgia. Boston winters are brrrrutal.)

What's my point? The point is we're having a little Holiday party tomorrow at Thom's. Come drink on us from 6:30 to 7:30. Then get Happy Hour prices until nine.
Thanks for making our first year great!

More Christmas Links:
Frosty
Charlie Brown
Mister Magoo



Trivia Tonight!

The Q will be giving good trivia tonight for all in attendance. Come by and win prizes and impress a bunch of drunks.

Christmas Trivia: The composers Bob Merrill and Jule Styne offered a song entitled "People" for the score of "Mister Magoo's Christmas Carol" but the animation had already been completed and it was too late to include it. Instead they added it to the score of a Broadway musical they were writing called "Funny Girl", where it became the first of many hits for the star, Barbra Streisand.

Mister Magoo, you've done it again.

Support your local bartender!
Thom's bartender Sasha is competing for world fame. Please vote for her drink here: Bailey's Drink Contest



So won't you tell me you'll never more roam
Christmas and New Years will find you home
Please come home for Christmas
Please come home for Christmas
If not for Christmas by New Year's night

There'll be no more sorrow no grief and pain
And I'll be happy, happy once again

(Brown-Red)

The Dice-san Cometh

Turning Japanese? I think I'm turning Japanese. I really think so.

It'll cost over $100 million dollars, but it's finally a done deal. Daisuke Matsuzaka is a ronin no more. His new master is Red Sox Nation and the enemy is clear to us all.

If you would like to get on the Dice-san's bandwagon then it would behoove you to learn a little bit about his homeland: Nippon. First of all, you need to understand his language. You'll find all the info you need here: Perfect Translator. Next you need to learn about what they drink. A great place to start is John Gauntner's Sake World. Sign up for the news letter here. Thirdly, you need to learn about these weird gadgets they use. You know, like those dogs that hump your computer. And, you should definitely familiarize yourself with japanese cinema.

WARNING: From now on when you go to anything at Thom's you'd better get there early. PAGE 6 is on to us, and the glitteratti are sure to follow. SIGHTINGS

No sex, no drugs, no wine, no women
No fun, no sin, no you, no wonder it's dark
Everyone around me is a total stranger
Everyone avoids me like a cyclone ranger
Everyone
-The Vapors

Ah, Boston you're my home.
-The Standells

Oh What A Night!

Bill Lee has hit the road or "frappe la rue" as he likes to put it. But, he left an indelible mark on us and the baseballs he autographed. We had a great time last night and I want to thank everyone who attended Bill Lee's 60th birthday party. I hope you had enough Spaceman Ale, steamers, and cake. The Spaceman was really floored by how many fans and old friends came out to see him, and was really impressed by the birthday card sent by the Red Sox. I think he'll definitely be back. In case you missed it, Bill shook every hand and spoke with everyone that approached him. He posed for photos and signed baseballs and DVDs. As advertised, he was a pleasure to deal with. And, if the Sox need a lefty, which they do, I think he could still throw a few innings. (Did anyone else detect a strange odor emanating from the High Times reporters?)

If you have some pictures you'd like to share of the event, please send them along and we'll post them.

Also, check out Bill soon as The Dean of Students at "Sox Fan University" on NESN.

Unfortunately, we ran long last night so we didn't get to do trivia. So, we'll have it tonight. Q will be in Qontrol with a special Wednesday night trivia.

Also tonight, we'll have our first gathering of UMASS alumni as their Minutemen take on Louisville in basketball.

Going home for the holidays? Get your tickets to Boston via Lucky Star Bus Lines at Thom's. It's $15 oneway and $30 roundtrip. What a deal! You can even take the bus from Thom's to Lucky Star. Ask your bartender.

It's hip again to be a New Englander.

And Finally, you know we've made it when the oldest school in America is covering us. (page 6 of the Fall 06 Bulletin.)

The Spaceman Cometh

Well, it's December, so the Patriots must be banged up again. The latest on the list? Laurence Maroney. Bony Maroney has a bum back, but is probable. Rodney Harrison isn't back yet. Eugene Wilson is out for the year joining starters Junior Seau and Randall Gay on the IR. And, Vrabel gave us a heart attack when he went down on the last play of the game last week. So? So, we still have to squish the fish this Sunday at 1pm. They just lost their running back and still have Joey Harrington at QB. Look for Asante to get 9 interceptions. That's right. You heard it here first, 9.

One, Two, Three. Look at Mr. Lee

Join us Tuesday December 12th as the legendary pitcher Bill Lee joins the folks at Thom's to celebrate his 60th birthday. The night will feature a screening of "Spaceman: A Baseball Odyssey " SpaceMan Ale by Magic Hat, steamers, and autographed materials for raffle.

Proceeds will go to charity.

Also scheduled to attend: High Times Magazine. (Go figure.)

And, don't forget it's his birthday, so try to bring a present. Show some freaking class, will ya.

Stick around after the event because The Q will be doing Spaceman themed trivia for prizes. (There'll be a sneak peek in the next newsletter.)

Warning: Do not leave Thom's drunk and attempt to tackle a news box. You will wind up in New York Magazine. Or, was David Cross just working on a bit? It seems that the Boston trained (he did about a week at Emerson) actor can't get enough of that olde towne atmosphere.

WHAT BOTHERS THE SPACE MAN?
Far from the crowd, he's the day watchman.

Walk past the trees he used to swing from.

What bothers the spaceman?

The teeth in his head?

I'm sure he could smile for us.

Wave to the people out on the lawn.

Mr. Ellis and Mr. Lee.Mr. Lee and me.

What bothers the spaceman?

What's left for him now?

I'm sure he could smile for us.

Lee Lee Lee Lee etc.
-Mono Puff

The Legend of Second Chance Ghost Cow

Brady didn't Berry the Bears, he buried them! No more will Jim McMahon's ill-timed tap to "The Super Bowl Shuffle" haunt my head. The highlight I have now is Thom Brady's sidestep of that bridge troll Brian Urlacher. And, I think we finally solved the problem our new kicker Stephen "The Ghost Cow" Gostkowski was having: Give him two tries. At the end of the first half Ghost Cow missed a 52-yard field goal but got another try because Chicago had called timeout at the last second. He made it the second time by a hair. Thus, the legend of "Second Chance Ghost Cow" was born.

Two straight wins and the Patsies seem to be back on track. If they could just cure their case of the fumbles we might have a fun playoffs this year, especially with Jake “ The Snake” Plummer out of the way in Denver. He is the only quarterback to beat the Patsies in the playoffs in the Belichick era. Bring on Jay “The Butler” Cutler!

And speaking of fun, only two more weeks ‘til our Spaceman and Steamers event. Tuesday, December 12th we’ll be screening “Spaceman: A Baseball Odyssey”, a film about former Red Sox pitcher Bill Lee’s life in baseball. Scheduled to attend is film maker Brett Rapkin who made the documentary and Bill Lee himself who will be celebrating his 60th birthday. But, we don’t serve popcorn with a movie,we’ll be steaming up some clams and pouring Spaceman Ale by Magic Hat, brewed specifically for this event. Proceeds from the Spaceman Ale and autographed items available in raffles will be going to The Jimmy Fund. So, come out to a bar, drink beer, eat clams, and watch a movie for a good cause. We'll even let you talk politics this once.

Check out The Spaceman’s views on the Pres.

Oh, my name is Raymond Berry and I'm the leader of the Pats.
Ask Dan Marino if we're still a team of old door mats.
We're rough, we're tough.
We're lean, we're mean.
We're hungry, that's a fact.
Chicago will go down my friends to Raymond Berry's Pats.
-Bruce & The Benchwarmers

Don't Forget to Click the Title

My new favorite verb is "brightside". As in, I've been sitting around for two days trying to brightside the Patriots' loss to the Jets. Two straight losses! How do I brightside that? We're still in first place? Small consolation. The Patriots appear to have enough talent to still take the East and do very well in the playoffs. Hopefully, they'll spend the second half of the season making adjustments. Maybe they already are making adjustments! Maybe, that's why they've lost two straight games, they're making adjustments that will allow them to win the Superbowl! Phew, there, I brightsided that. (Another attempt would have been: At least I don't root for John Quinn's dirty Vikings. They suck.)

In the next two weeks The Patriots play the only teams to ever beat them in the Superbowl. That's The Packers next week and The Chicago Bears in two weeks. If the Pats are in fact making adjustments, they need to make them fast or the image of Brian Urlacher body-slamming Tom Brady is going to quickly replace that of the Fridge's fat ass rolling into the end zone that has hounded me for 20 years. Come on by Thom's and have a Thom's Ale and root for Thom Brady.

How the hell do I brightside the Red Sox of late? This year sucked eggs. And now the darned thrifty Sox are spending more money to bid on signing an unknown quantity from Japan than A-Rod spent on purple lip-balm last month. To boot, former farmhand Hanley Ramirez won NL Rookie of the Year, and the Yankees are looking at Nomar for firstbase. We still have
Josh Beckett though; he has potential! Does "Biggest Choke Ever" still hold any weight? Go Celtics? This off-season we'll be having Hot-Stove events to remind us of the good times. It all starts December 12 with a screening of "Spaceman", the Bill Lee documentary. We'll be serving steamers and Spaceman Ale, then follow it with Q's trivia night. The Red Sox might be baffling right now, but look on the brightside, you could be a Yankee fan.

Come on in every Tuesday for Q & A Trivia Night with John Quinn, and every Wednesday for Bingo with the reverend Jim McGuire.

Jealousy

Turning saints into the sea

Turning through sick lullaby

Joking on your alibi

But it's just the price I pay

Destiny is calling me

Open up my eager eyes

I'm Mr. Brightside

-The Killers

It's a Hit!

And what a hit it was. Clamapalooza was in full frenzy when the Patsies scored their first touchdown Monday night against John Quinn's dirty Vikings. The Pats kept rolling and we kept shucking! In all, nearly 700 topneck and monsterous cherystone clams were gulped down gullets by game's end. First timer Gareth could even be seen "enjoying" his first ever raw clam. Look for details of Clamapalooza 2.

I was lucky enough to be in Boston last night to see all of the Red Auerbach tributes (Unfortunately, the Celts didn't see fit to pay tribute to him with a win.) He was an institution in Boston, and an important part of the city's history. Everytime I went to the Garden, whether it was for a Celtics game, a Bruins game, the circus, The Ice Capades, or the Boston Shootout I remember looking for that seat they always showed on TV, where Red perched above his team awaiting the opportunity to light a victory cigar. May that seat forever remain empty. He will be missed.

But, don't you miss the Pats play the Colts this Sunday night. It's Vinateri's homecoming. I truly believe that the only reason the Pats won Monday was because you were there. Yeah, you. Do not be the reason they lose this week. Be there Sunday and bring friends!

If you believe in forever

Then life is just a one-night stand

If there's a rock and roll heavenwell,

You know they got a hell of a band, band, band

It's Almost Clam Time.

Monday night the Pats will be taking on the Vikings and you'll be shoving down raw clams (maybe a few steamed ones too). Don't forget that if you're a card carrying member of the Friends of Harpoon you'll get $3 pints of Harpoon all night. Shucks, come on down for a few.

It was 20 years ago today...
It's 20 years since Boston was declared the sports center of the universe. The Pats, Celtics, and Red Sox made it to their respective championships. The t-shirts read: "Boston, It's the balls" showing the teams' logos. Times were good despite two horrendous championships. The Globe revisited this giddy time here.

Hockey is here!
Thom's has the hockey package; so, if you're from traditional hockey towns like Nashville or Columbus or Tampa Bay or Phoenix or San Jose' come on out and root for your favorite team whoever they are, and explain the new rules to me again.

The Sweet Smell of Success
Jeter won The Hank Aaron Award for the American League's best batter. His intangibles shone through this year to voters. But, did he deserve it? Fire Joe Morgan weighs in.

And, to think none of this could have happened without the efforts of one crocked cop. "Big Bill" Devery, the original owner of the Yankees fleeced the city for years to the point where he even stole the Yankees' logo:

"In 1909 the team began using what was to become the most highly
recognizable symbol in the world when the famous "NY" made it's first
appearance on the uniforms. Of every slick, crooked thing "Big Bill" ever did...this has to be at the top of his list of larceny"

Read the rest of the story here on NBX.

Look for plenty more events during the winter. We have Halloween Party Saturday. We'll be screening the Bill Lee documentary in the near future with the cooperation of Magic Hat. We're premiering our own beer. It's one big party at Thom's. Fun! Fun! Fun!

My, my, my, my music hits me so hard

Makes me say oh my Lord

Thank you for blessing me

With a mind to rhyme and two hyped feet

Feels good when you know you're down

A superbowl homeboy from the Oaktown

And I'm known as such

And this is a beat uh you can't touch

-Stanley Kirk Burrell

I'm Not A Fan of LaRussa

When last we met, Joe Torre was just about to announce that he was staying on as Manager for the Yankees by royal edict of King George. Of course, we didn't actually hear from Georgie himself; more and more his announcements and pronouncements have been spoken through, well, a spokesmen.

I think the Old Grey Merde just ain't what he used to be. Just this year you could see the previously unseen on the Yankees: Damon and Giambi would go days without shaving. Days! Hair became unkempt. The Yankees increasingly looked less Yankee-like. Yet, Joe Torre retained his job, this despite getting the olde reverse sweep from the upstart Tigers. In fact, in the last 5 years the Yankees have lost three straight games to get knocked out of the playoffs 4 times. The only time they didn't lose 3 straight they got knocked out in the first round. That's incredible. What is it about Torre that he can't stop his team from sliding?

Of course, with Joe back everyone assumes that Slappy has to go. But whither? The radio jocks have jumped on Pinella's signing on with the Cubs and all but shipped A-Rod off to Chicago themselves. But, for him to go that would mean Steinbrenner admitting that he made a mistake. Personally, I hope he stays; it would just be no fun without him.

Meanwhile, back at the Hall of Justice...

I'm sure Theo and Trio are sitting down with the Globe staff to write a new way to get Manny out of towne and replace him with some undervalued, underappreciated superstar like Eric Byrnes. We have no closer, no right-fielder, maybe no left-fielder. What are we left with?

THE WORLD SERIES!

Remember how much fun it was to root against the Cardinals just 2 years ago? Well, you can relive those glory days because the Cardinals are back in the World Series. Come watch Rolen swing and miss as he battles spherophobia (fear of balls). Come watch Suppan stumble around third base. Come watch Edmunds (who hasn't the slightest spherophobia) make the most incredible over the shoulder catch only to hurt his arm and be rendered ineffective at the plate. Come scream "Trotter" at the TVs; scream "Pokey"; scream "Ground ball stabbed by Foulke". Come relive-OK I think I've gone over the deep end.

Just come watch a nice baseball series between the Tigers and the Cardinals starting tonight.

We have Smuttynose Pumpkin on tap and we're 9 days from Next Monday's Clamapalooza.

"...Red Sox fans have longed to hear..."

Who's To Blame?

The Knights of the Keyboard are on a quest. This time, the goal is to eviscerate the vaunted Yankees, them of 26 rings. Every major and minor scribe in the land suddenly hates the Yankees. (Maybe this is what they meant when they created Yankee Universe.) Listen to the radio and it's more of the same. Every host, every caller wants A-Rod gone, Torre gone, Mussina gone, Johnson gone, Sheffield gone, Giambi gone, Mattingly gone, Cashman, gone. Some even want Jeter gone. Torre would seem to be the first to go, with the reports following Game 4 that Pinella would replace him. But, according to Yankees.com Torre might announce today that he's staying in press conference today at 1 pm.

Of course every one of these lamentations begins with a disclaimer: "I was the first to say Torre was great, but..." And, "Don't get me wrong I love Jeter, but..." The Universe is equivocating a call to arms. They don't know exactly what to do. Their fans are reciting the Tantric mantra "At least we made the playoffs" to deaf ears. The winds are changing; have changed, clear skies ahead. Here are some examples:

Bob Ryan discusses Yankees spending, Boston Globe.

John Harper, Daily News: Yanks' captain abandons ship

Shaun Powell covers many papers' reactions, Newsday, for LA Times

Bob Raissman says Torre should go, Daily News

Home News Tribune, "These Tigers prove it takes more than money"

JIM BAUMBACH says "Coaches back Torre" for Newsday.com

Shaun Powell says "Jeter support has come up short" for News Day

"Taking joy in the Yankees' misery" by Kevin Hench, FOXSports.com

Page 2, ESPN.com

DEREK ROSE, DAILY NEWS: "Yank pinstripes tossed in bargain bin"

Any more good stories? Please add them in the comments section of the blog.

But, what about Thom's? You ask. Trivia returns tonight with our own trivia master John Quinn. Read about his experiences dishing trivia for the BLOHARDS and Red Sox here.

Tomorrow night is Bingo night as is every Wednesday.

Later in the month we'll be premiering our own beer by Harpoon: Thom's Old Ale.

And, on October 30 we'll be having our first annual Clamapalooza during the Patsies Monday Night game. Come in and enjoy Harpoon specials and freshly shucked clams for very cheap. Don't forget to join the Friends of Harpoon for the special.

And after all is said and done

You wouldnÂ’t be satisfied with anyone

So when you get rid of me

Who will the next fool be?

Will he believe all those lies?

End up like me, with tears in his eyes?

I know, I know, I know, I know...

(slow fade)

-Charlie Rich

You Ought To Be In Pictures...

Go to YouTube or click above to see the footage of the NESN piece that aired in Boston a couple weeks ago, all the more reason to be at Thom's every Tuesday night. (As if Trivia with John "The Q" Quinn wasn't enough.)

The Sox have begun the Fall cleaning that usually accompanies a disappointing season. Pitching coach Dave Wallace is gone and hitting coach Ron Jackson got fired when he couldn't get Wily Mo to stop swinging. Trot's probably not coming back and if the Gordon Edes media machine has its way Manny won't be either. (Maybe they can get Buck Showalter to play left field.) Meanwhile, one former sox farm hand after another prospers. Check out the this Globe interview where Theo discusses some of last season's trades.

The good news is that the Patriots are back on track after thumping Cincinnati. Come to Thom's this Sunday and watch the Patsies battle the Dolphins. "Squish the Fish!"

Also, come by Thom's this weekend and check the opening of the second floor.

We'll have all of the baseball playoffs, and college and pro football. We'll even have our own beer made by Harpoon soon.

And, don't forget Clamapalooza at the end of October.

****

"I want to make sure Tom Brady knows that, although I'm no longer with the Red Sox, I'll always be his personal hitting coach and he can come take B.P. with me anytime."
-Ron "Papa Jack" Jackson "A Letter To Boston Fans"

A Season in the Sun

The good news is that the Red Sox will be playing in October this year. HAZAR! The bad news is October 1st is their last game. BOOOOOOO! This year sucked eggs. I apologize for the harsh language, but that's just how I feel.

Come out Friday night to wave "goodbye" to the Red Sox. They gave us the Fredo treatment the last 2 months and broke our hearts, but (gulp) there's always next year. Fenway is still packed to the gills and Big Papi is still destroying the Red Sox home run record. He hit number 54 last night and has just 7 more to tie the all time major league record for home runs in a season set by Roger Maris in 1961. Friday might be the night.

So come on out this weekend and see Trotter for possibly the last time. Wave "bye bye" to Manny and maybe even Foulke. Debate over the future of the Red Sox. Who's playing the corner outfield spots next year? Who's closing? (Sorry. Wrong Hanson. There, much better.) Curt Schilling has even hinted that he's thinking about not coming back:

``If I come back next year, I know that the offseason will be the hardest offseason of my career because I'll have to work harder than I've ever worked."

There's a big, scary off-season ahead. At least we know that we have Beckett tied up for another 9 years. (Sorry. Wrong Beckett .)

What do we have to look forward to? Sunday the Patsies get back on track against Cincinnati. And speaking of the Pats, Monday night October 30 the Pats are playing at Minnesota. That night we'll be doing Clamfest at Thom's. Come in and get some clams cheap. Also, if you're a card carrying "Friend of Harpoon" you get a great discount on the beer. So, sign up!

Also ahead:

Look for the debut of Thom's Olde Ale brewed by Harpoon for us.
Also, we'll be hosting a screening of the Bill Lee documentary “SPACEMAN: A Baseball Odyssey”

Before you know it it will be next year.

Goodbye to you, my trusted friend.
We've known each other since we're nine or ten.
Together we climbed hills or trees.
Learned of love and ABC's,
Skinned our hearts and skinned our knees.
We had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun.
But the hills that we climbed were just seasons out of time.
-Rod McKuen/Jacques Brel

This, That, and The Other Thing.

It was the best of times it was the worst of times...

Sunday the Patsies won their second game showcasing a million stars on defense: Harrison, Seau, Bruschi, Vrabel, Wilfork, Colvin, et al, while Tom Brady continued to prove that he don't need no stinkin' wide receivers. He can just throw the ball to running backs and tight ends all day. This week they play on Sunday night against that snake that knocked us out of the playoffs last year: Jake Plummer. This time Denver is at The Razor and you should be at Thom's for $4 Harpoon Octoberfest pints. (Please don't punch holes in the wall if something goes wrong.)

The Sox finally showed some grit this weekend taking 3 of 4 from the "team we don't mention by name" with a bunch of minor leaguers and cast-aways. Torre even brought out A-Rod and Damon to pinch hit in the ninth for no other reason but to extend the inning so Jeter could get one more chance to add to his hitting streak. But, it wasn't meant to be. Timlin shut the door, empowered by his blue Lester bracelet leaving the Captain on deck scratching his intangibles.

And speaking of grit, several Thom's regulars appeared on NESN this weekend talking about the Red Sox and being a fan in NYC. I'm trying to get a copy for screening.

It's been a tough year, but the future is bright. The Portland Seadogs, the Red Sox AA affiliate, won the Eastern League title for the first time, beating Akron in a rematch of last year's championship. Almost 4000 proud Mainers shook the aluminum stands at Hadlock Field then celebrated by breaking tradition and telling everyone asked exactly how to get there from here...

Speaking of kids, come see some of tomorrow's stars today as the Sox take on the Twins tonight. Also tonight at Thom's is Trivia Night. Live from his appearance on NESN dishing trivia to the BLOHARDS it's Q & A with John Quinn. Come in and compete for prizes and pride.

Thanks again to everyone that showed up for the Boston Latin Alumni event last week. And thanks to Seth Mnookin who discussed then signed his book Feeding The Monster on Thursday for a great crowd of Thom's regulars. We still have a few books in the basement at a discounted price. Seth even said he'd come back in to sign a few. So ask at the bar if you want one.

Upcoming Events

Michael "Thundermist" Benoit brought us back a jug of Autocrat from his home in Rhode Island (the biggest little state in the union). So, ask for a coffee milk at the bar and we'll mix you up one.

Monday, October 30, we'll celebrate the Patriots in Monday Night Football with our first Clamapalooza. We'll be shucking top-neck clams during the game at a darn good price and pouring Harpoon Bohemian Pilsener.

Also, we're planning on screening Spaceman: A Baseball Odyssey sometime in the next month. So, don't miss the opportunity to watch this documentary about former Sox hurler Bill Lee and talk with the filmmakers.

When the moon hits your eye...

The throngs have once again amassed; they scream in unison. They have in common their cause. No, I'm not referring to the arrival of the football season. This event is The Feast of San Gennaro in Little Italy. In case you don't know New York City well, Little Italy is a three block stretch of pasta joints nestled between Chinatown and SoHo. And, every September thousands descend on these streets to attend The Feast of San Gennaro, eat funnel cakes, and drink frozen booze from plastic cups. I'm a big fan of tradition. Yippee!

I moved to New York some 10 years ago during the this time and now I'm perched in my new apartment above the feast; my eyes, and more importantly, my ears on Mulberry Street. They begin to construct the dunk-tanks and pina colada stands at 12 every night and keep me up till 4 am. Amid the contracting chaos there are some very well dressed Italian men collecting what I assume is mail destined for the homeland. They're handed these harmless white envelopes which they measure in their open palms for weight (to estimate postage I assume) then look around before entering their luxury cars and speeding off. It doesn't get better than this. Fuggedaboutit!

Football season is in fact under way. The Patriots won then lost Deion Branch to the Seahawks. We had a great crowd for the game Sunday and promise to have an even better one next week for the Jets. Every Sunday we're raffling off NFL jerseys, so come in and play.

But, I'm getting ahead of myself. Tonight NESN is coming in to get footage of Kayreoke. So come on down and take the mic and get on air in New England.

Tomorrow night, Wednesday, we're having a Boston Latin alumni happy hour. If you graduated from Latin, come on and mingle. Also, David Ortiz should be going for the Sox home run record. You do not want to miss history.

Thursday night, Seth Mnookin, author of Feeding The Monster, will be reading from his book and signing copies of it. Come meet the author and find out just why the Sox have sucked so bad.

Friday night kicks off another Yankees series. It's not for first place, but it's our chance to uh, uhm, ah...come on in and see the Sox.

YES Network is looking for more fans to compete against their Roadtrippers. If you're interested and available Friday all day. Let me know. You must be athletic.

"Lazy Mary you better get up"
She answered back, "I am not able"
"Lazy Mary you better get up
We need the sheets for the table"
"Lazy Mary you smoke in bed
There's only one man you should marry
My advice to you would be
Is to pay attention to me"
"You better marry a fireman he'll come and go,
Go and come sempr's la pompa a mano tiene
-Lou Monte

This is exactly what it's like to be a Sox fan.

They can't just go out with a wimper or a moan like in 2001. No, they have to show us glimpses of what could of been. They get swept by the Royals, then outpitch the White Sox. They should have made Rodney Harrison coach halfway through that Yankee series. Things might have been different. In fact, I put a dramatization of what that might have looked like on the blog. Check it out!

Well, it looks like it's not over yet. Papi still ain't singing. So come on out tonight and watch us go for the sweep against the White Sox. Then it's the Royals and the Orioles. The schedule couldn't be better going into next weekend's Yankee series. If only we...

Are you ready for some football?
The season kicks off Thursday at 8:30 with the Steelers and Dolphins. Get there early for a seat.
Then it's the Patsies Sunday against the Bills at 1:00.

Don't forget next Thursday Seth Mnookin will be signing copies of his best-seller Feeding The Monster at Thoms'.


Says Suldog, "Keep the Faith".

The Beat Goes On...

The slide continues, and the sad thing is that the Yankees keep losing too. The division is ours to be had. Instead, we wallow...

The good news is that New England is fine. I just got back from a 5 state adventure that brought me through Corinth, Vermont, North Woodstock and North Conway, Vermont, Raymond, Portland, and Wells, Maine, Woburn and Boston, Massachusettes, and Darien, Conn. I had fried clams, mahogany clams, and steamers- Plenty of oysters too. I had lobster rolls, lobster bisque, and lobsters. I had Vermont and New Hampshire Maple Syrup.

No one there is panicking, so we have to stay the course. If you have time, try a Geary's Summer Ale. Mmm mmm good.

Come on in tonight for John Quinn's Trivia Night. Match wits with the master and win prizes.
Every Wednesday is Bingo Night. Come in and win shots from Jim.

Thank You to everyone who bought raffle tickets to raise money for the Buddy Walk.
Special thanks to those who donated things to be raffled:

Horton Foote of Tavern on Jane Restaurant
The Boston Red Sox
Jim Rice and Bob Montgomery
Rick Field of Rick's Picks
Colin Reddy (Adam Vinateri football)
Gold's Gym
Beehive Beer Distributers
Alexis Welby and Seth Mnookin (Feeding The Monster)
Andy Wasif (How To Talk To A Yankee Fan)
Marty Katz at SKI Beer

Don't forget, Seth Mnookin, author of "Feeding The Monster" will be at Thom's on September 14.

Mel Gibson Eat Your Brave Heart Out!

First of all , an apology for the barrage of e-mails on behalf of the Empire. (Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa) Thanks to all of you that responded to the YES Network challenge. I hope it goes off without a hitch and we kick their asses. Viewing party next week.

So much news...

Tonight at Thom's earn a degree in elocution. Andy Wasif will be there promoting his new book "How To Talk To A Yankee Fan." (Spoiler Warning: The answer is "Slowly".) He'll also be discussing the sequel he's working on: "Why Would You Want To Talk To A Yankee Fan?" The Sox are off, so there should be plenty of Yankee fans to practice on. Just remember to bring your high horse and the phrase, "Biggest choke ever".

Friday it's on!

The Sox begin their 5 game home series against the enemy with a 1pm game.

Then, at 4 o'clock stay in your seats and root on the kids from Portsmouth, NH as they face dreaded Beaverton, Oregon in Round 1 of the Little League World Series.

At 7 pm we begin again. The Sox face the Yankees in the nightcap of the double header. By then we should be an half game out of first.

At the same time we'll be holding a fundraiser for The Buddy Walk. Raffle tickets will be available throughout the game for $3 each. The prizes include: One month membership to Gold's Gym, A football autographed by Adam Viniateri, Two balls autographed by Jim Rice, Signed copies of Feeding The Monster and How To Talk To A Yankee Fan, A two-pack of pickles from Rick's Picks, Harpoon beer and shirts, and more. Get there early and play often. It's for a good cause.

What's on tap?

This weekend also marks the end of summer, Harpoon Summer, that is. We're down to our last 4 barrels. And when it's gone, that's it till next year. So drink up. On the horizon is a Bohemian Pilsner from Harpoon's 100 barrel series and a wicked good cranberry beer from Unibroue.

When the going gets tough
The tough get going
Tough, tough, huh, huh, huh
When the going gets tough, the tough get ready
Yeah, ooooh, du da do da

I got something to tell you
I got something to say
I'm gonna put this dream in motion
Never let nothing stand in my way
When the going gets tough
The tough get going

The inimitable Billy Ocean

Can You Feel It Babe?

(Click the title for some serious atmosphere!)

Many thanks to everyone that responded for the YES Network ticket challenge. The winners have already been picked. I wish they needed 50 people, because that's how many responses we got (so far). Stay tuned for details of what's going on. If you're going to be in Boston anyway go root on the Sox fans. We'll set up a viewing party when this airs.

Finally! Football. The Pats start their pre-season Friday night and it's on at Thom's! The news is that Vinatieri didn't really want to come back anyway: "I told my agent , `I don't need to know the day-to-day details. Call me if they offer me something decent.' " That was in 2004 when the Pats franchised him. After that he was a bit peaved. So, no regrets. It's the new Patriots with our kicker old Whatshisname.
For the second straight pre-season Bruschi will not be playing, but Rodney will be there! The game starts at 8.

Feel free to post your comments on our new City Search listing. The best comment will get something free. I'll give you a hint: It's usually cold, pale yellow in color, and rhymes with Zarpoon. Any guesses?
Check out the trailor to the new Boston flick on the blog. It's got Old Man Dunphy, Markie Mark, Will Hunting, the gangs all the there. What a funky bunch.

Morgan: Double Burger. Double Burger.
[singing]
Morgan: Chuck, I had a double burger!

Did you expect it to be easy?

(Please click the title for atmosphere while reading this. If it doesn't work go here.)

This e-mail is designed to cheer you up. So, off we go:

The bartender from Finerty's (the MFY bar next door) came in last night with a bottle of Jaeger to toast the Yankees. He said, "Here's to the Yankees two games lead." I said, "Why don't we drink to their three game lead? We know how that turned out." Hazar! Zing! The bottom line is I left drunk and got in a fight with a cab driver. What are you going to do? Charges pending.

There is so much goodness in this world, where do we start?

Jeter has a new perfume.
If you've ever walked into Yankee Stadium and thought "I wish they could bottle this smell?" you're in luck. Avon's calling with a new (PUN WARNING!) eau de toilet called Drivel. (Thanks to "Thunder Mist" Michael Benoit for the foto.) It's got to be strong. If it can cover up the smell of number 2 then it can cover anything.



Teach The Children Well
Okay, sorry. I know it's getting a bit hackneyed to pick on poor A-rod. So, I've started a support group to help encourage the intellagent people of NYC to get behind the greatest player in the history of life. The goal of Cheer A-rod.com is to spread understandingness for a talented, sensitive man. You'll notice in the gallery and video clips that I've included some of A-rod's greatest moments like dropping F-bombs on that coward Captain Jason Varitek. Please sign the guest book and join the joy party. (WARNING: please wear diapers before you look at this site. You will wet yourself.)

Even Good People Can Have Bad Days
Noted philanthropist, former papal nominee, and all around nice guy Michael Kay hit a bit of a bump in the road last week when he likened his job to slavery and the holocaust. He started his broadcast with perfectly harmless assertion the "Red Sox are done", then proceeded to have a mental melt down. The lesson? Do not bad mouth The Red Sox unless you're a Red Sox fan! Later, Kay found more trouble when the nice assistants at Bellevue had difficulty getting a straight-jacket over his big, stupid head!

The Sports People

Have you ever thought, "Hey I can write like the Sports Guy"? Well think no more! Thanks to the nice people at The Chicago Sports Review you too can columnize with the ferocity of of Darryl Dawkins on a styro-foam backboard during the 2003 Tet Festival. Write your irrelevancies with the same fervor of Bill Simons and post some snippets in the comments section of the Thom's blog. The best one gets beer! Free!

Happenings at Thom's

Tonight, like every Monday night is trivia night. Come on in a test your wits with our resident know-it-all John Quinn.

Tuesday night is Ka(y)reoke night. The Sox are on the road so that means that you get to call the game! Come on in and sign up for an half inning of play-by-play. (Please don't metion slavery or the Holocaust.)

After the game Paul Zunno, guitarist to the late Wilson Picket, will be playing. There's no cover so stick around and catch this amazing show.

Wednesday is Bingo night!

Save the date. On Friday, August 18 we'll be doing a fundraiser for the Buddy Walk. Some of the items available so far are a football signed by Adam Viniateri, a baseball signed by Jim Rice, Feeding The Monster signed by Seth Mnookin, and a month-long membership to Gold's gym. Check out the blog for more details!

(One more Moonshiners song for the road!)

Grab a potato grab four grab 8 no take all of them,

yeah grab a potato fry them boil them and eat them with the shell on.

No Such Thing As Clutch, My Ass!

I know there are a few people out there that still don't believe in the Patron Saint of Clutch, Big Papi. But, by the end of the year they will convert.

Faith has paid off again and again for followers of the big man with the big grin. Last night was no different. The party at Thom's went on to the wee hours as Sox fans counted ahead to the ninth inning to see where Ortiz would be batting. "If they can get just one on then Papi can come up with two outs and tie it." That idea floated through everyone's head. It wasn't "if" he would get a hit, it was how many runs he would knock in. Then there were two on and one out and up he came. They should have walked him. They should have taken their chances with Manny...

After you're done watching the video of the winning home run 100 times come on in tonight and every Tuesday for the music of Paul Zunno, guitarist to Wilson Picket. The show starts immediately after the Red Sox/Indians game.

Tomorrow night like every Wednesday Night, is Bingo Night with Salty McGuire. The show starts after the Sox/Cleveland game (Lester is pitching).

Looking ahead on the calendar, don't forget that the authors of How How to Talk To A Yankee Fan will be by on Thursday, August 17.

And, on August 18, we'll be having a fundraiser for the Buddy Walk, sponsored by the National Down Syndrome Society. They'll be auctions and specials to raise money for the walk. If you want to donate money or something to be auctioned let me know.

Ok, that's enough jibbering. You can watch the Ortiz homerun again.


"The Mob Goes Wild" by Clutch (Blast Tyrant)

Please allow me to adjust my pants
So that I may dance the good time dance
And put the onlookers and innocent bystanders into a trance

Proud as a Peacock My Ass!

NBC stands for Not going to Bother to Come, because on Tuesday night when they were supposed to cover Ka(y)reoke, they were not there. But, you were! The night was a hit without them. And what a hit. The Sox clobbered the A's on the way to a 13-5 victory. That's the last time we ever deal with NBC (unless of course they ask again, then we'll consider it). It's no wonder their ratings are so low. We were just trying to help.


Tonight there's another event at Thom's. Atlantis Health Plan is hosting a party from 7-10 with prizes and drink specials. Atlantis' rep Lara says, "The event is great for anyone who is a self-employed or works as an independent contractor." There will especially be all kinds of artists. Marketing materials are welcome.

Go to the blog for a highlight reel of the first half of the Red Sox season.

And now a glance into the future:

Catch Seth Mnookin, author of Feeding the Monster at the Barnes and Nobles in Union Square August 2, at 7 pm "In conversation with Doris Kearns Goodwin with signing to follow". Seth will also be making an appearance at Thom's in September.

Later in August Andy Wasif abd Rick D'Elia , authors of How to Talk to a Yankee Fan will be at Thom's promoting their new book.

If you have something you want to shill let us know.

A Call to Arms!

Arizona isn't the only state with wild fire.

NBC News is coming into Thom's tonight to document the latest craze spreading in NYC, Ka(y)reoke.

Come on in for the late night A's game and help us drown out those pesky Oakland announcers with your own brand of play-by-play.

Sign up online by e-mailing me or leaving a comment to this post to reserve your place at the podium with Wally. Places are going fast!


BTW Harold Reynolds just got fired from ESPN, so there's a job opening. This could be your audition.