Here He Comes To Save The Day!

Confused about this season so far? You’re not alone.

How do the Sox have the best record in baseball with three starters batting less than .250? Can Lowell match a home run for every error he makes this season? How long before our joy turns into that dreaded feeling of “Not again”? I’ve been there. Felt that. I was at Yankee Stadium in 2003 when what’s his name hit that homer. I know how quickly the glee can go.

Well, don’t fear; the man with the answers is here. Seth Mnookin, author of “Feeding the Monster: How Money, Smarts, and Nerve Took a Team to the Top ” is going to be at Thom’s tonight at 7 pm selling and signing copies of the paperback edition of his best-selling book and talking all about the Sox and what makes them tick. You got questions? He’s got answers.

Seth is just the latest in what’s become our summer author series. Andy Wasif was here last month talking about his book “How to Talk to a Yankee Fan” . And Brett Rapkin will be in next month to talk about his film, "Impossible to Forget: The Story of the '67 Boston Red Sox". We have a lot more lined up so stay tuned to the blog for details.

Speaking of celebrities, you could be one if you're at Thom's next week. The BLOHARDS are having a viewing party on Monday and word on the street is a film crew is coming in to shoot them doing Ka(y)reoke. They might even come back Tuesday. Do you want to be in the next Sox film? Then come by. The worst that could happen is you watch the Sox or get drunk and join the BLOHARDS.

(Photo of Thom's regular Stephanie Gaskell in Iraq with a "Sox Fan" patch on her body armor!)

Mister Trouble never hangs around

When he hears this Mighty sound.

"Here I come to save the day"

-Seth Mnookin

Here I Go Again!

Catch the Q Train at noon! Thom's Trivia Maven John Quinn will be interviewed on Voice America Radio today talking about the Sox!

If you're like me there's a part of you that hopes that the Sox drop two to the Yankees again. Why? Have I gone bananas? Am I soft?

That little glimmer of hope the Yankees had last week when they beat the Sox that was then crushed when they proceeded to lose 5 straight was so doggone satisfying. To have Youk's streak still alive and the Cap'n's gone; to have Beckett and Petitte have basically the same ERA and to have dramatically different records; to have the radio updates say, "The Yankees gained a game on the Red Sox" when they mean they're 13.5 back and tied for last with Tampa who also "gained a game" is all almost worth losing 2 of 3 if it means the Yankees will lose 5 straight again. Almost. Let's just sweep them and get this over with.

As always we'll have all the games this weekend and all the specials: $4 Thom's Ale by Harpoon, and $4 Spaceman Ale by Magic Hat.

Tonight come meet Andy Wasif, author of "How To Talk To A Yankee Fan" and creator of "Red Sox University" on NESN. He'll be signing books and talking about his experiences with the Red Sox during the game. By the time you leave you'll know "How To Talk To A Yankee Fan."

The Monster is back!

Come meet son of Newton, Seth Mnookin, author of "Feeding The Monster" at Professor Thom's on Thursday June 14th. He's been signing books and talking about his unlimited access working with the Red Sox.

Teabag Party

The next installment of the hit show "Boston Teabag Party" featuring the best comedians from Boston in New York will be June 21. Get your tickets now!

Coming soon

A screening of "Impossible to Forget", the film about the '67 Sox. Filmmaker Brett Rapkin (Spaceman: A Baseball Odyssey) will be in attendance for this film that had scenes shot at Thom's!

Thommies in the News

Portsmouth, NH's own and devout Thommy, Stephanie Gaskell gave up her comfy bar stool at Thom's for a while for a flak jacket in Iraq. She decided Thom's needed a correspondent in the Middle East.

Here's her first two stories:

Mosul again becomes model of U.S. success at rebuilding

In Kirkuk, a War on Garbage

Thommy Rick Field is famous for jarring his pickle. So it's no surprise that The Boston Globe would want to do a story about Rick's Picks:

Pick a peck of pickles photos

I dont know where I'm going

But, I sure know where Ive been

Hanging on the promises

In songs of yesterday

An I've made up my mind,

I aint wasting no more time

But, here I go again

-coverdale/marsden

The Night The Lights Went Out.

If a blog is written on a holiday weekend will anyone read it?

Ahh philosophy, from the greek word μαλάκας. It's what makes baseball a cerebral pursuit.

Tuesday was the time to be at Thom's! (Ahh, alliteration from the greek word Malakas. It's what makes a bad writer seem clever.) Not only was it the only win of the Yankee series but, the power blew on the amp temporarily shutting off all of the TVs and leaving the speakers off permanently. There was no music at all until Kim and Gareth stepped up and led the whole bar in "Sweet Caroline". I don't have to tell you that there were a few "Hands touching hands." And, then, of course, we sang "Dirty Water" after the game.

This happened at Fenway Park not too long ago. I was but a sprite (Ahh, sprite, from the greek word: lymon.) sitting in the bleachers with my chums enjoying Cracker Jack when suddenly the lights went out. Fenway was pitch black and fear gripped me. No, it wasn't Father O'Reilly. He was sitting two rows away. It was the idea that there were 30,ooo drunken imbeciles left to their own wiles, unwatched. When suddenly, the voice of an angel united us all.

It was Sherm Feller, the Red Sox PA announcer. He asked us to join him in round of "Take Me Out To The Ball Game." The organ kicked in, and join him we did. Sherm got us through that tough time. All in all only 13 deaths were reported and 6 people are still missing. This was Boston in the 80's; you have to expect some losses. I really miss Father O'Reilly.
`
Monster Seats
Don't forget there's one more week to buy $10 raffle tickets to watch the Red Sox and Yankees at Fenway Park June 3rd from the Green Monster. This game is projected to be Clemens' triumphant return to Fenway Park. So, get in and get tickets!

Thom's Videos
I have copies of all of the TV spots that have been shot at Thom's. Some of you even appear in the Riv footage! If any of these miscreants (Craig Weiner) is positively identified from the video there will be sever repercussions. If anyone wants a copy let me know.

Ahh no one's reading this. I think I'll just go play some Wiffle ball. Who's in?

When the lights go down in the city
And the sun shines on the bay
Do i want to be therein my city,
Ohoh ohohohoh ohoh
Mmmmhmhm ohoh ohohoh ohoh
-Journey

The Rocket, Clams, and Teabags.

The Rocket has landed back in The Bronx. Steinbrenner's not sure what he has left, but he's curious enough to make him the highest paid player. How fondly I remember the last time he was here. But, Roger Clemens (nee' The Dayton Doughnut) could not possible steal the spotlight from Clamapalooza III: Bye Bye Bi-valve. Sure, it brought Suzy to hysterics (or histrionics). But, we know better. We've seen this show before. It's been 17 years since the Sox first made Clemens the highest paid player in baseball and he's back on top. I can't wait till he gets knocked out in the third inning at Fenway. But, I digress.

Clams and Teabags Tonight! (By the way, do not do a Google image search for "teabag" or "clam" or both together. Yuk!) It's time again for a taste of New England at Thom's. The hottest clam event this week!

First, it's Clamapalooza III at 7 pm featuring clams on the half shell, fried Ipswich clams, and clams steamed in our star of the night: Harpoon Brown Ale. We'll be serving up tartar sauce made with Rick's Picks, the best pickle to come out of New England since Pitt Street Pickles was torn down with the old West End. And after you get your fill of zinc downstairs, get zinged upstairs by New England's best comedians in New York. It's time again for The Boston Teabag Party.

The Teabag Party will feature: MATT MCCARTHY, SHANE MAUSS, PAUL MECURIO, NICK STEVENS, and DJ TANNER. It starts at 9:30 so get your seats early.

LOOKING AHEAD

There are still seat's available to see the Comedy Central taping of Teabag Party regular God's Pottery. Check their website for more details.

June will be busy with bonuses. Authors Andy Wasif and Seth Mnookin are coming back to talk about their respective books and even sign a few. Look for details on the blog.

And, if you find yourself in Boston on June 16th go to The Greatest Bar and help The Calhoun Cousins (Thom's regulars) raise money for ALS at their fundraising spectacular. They'll be auctioning off everything you've ever wanted.

THOMSFOOLERY

Celtic retiring number 420?

The Next Thom Brady?

More John Henry Williamses? No!

Ol' whiskey comes from ol' Kentucky

Ain't the country lucky?

New Jersey gives us glue

And you - you come from Rhode Island

And little ol' Rhode Island is famous for you

-Howard Dietz

May Flowers

Well, it's taking a little longer than I thought for reality to set in. Either Papelbon needs some maintenance on his positronic matrix or he's just human after all.

Nah! Our favorite automaton CLOSER 5000 will be back in form very soon. So don't fret. In the meantime come by Thom's to enjoy all of the Sox games. Now that the Yankees are off the schedule for a little while it will be easier to get a seat.

And, just when you thought it was safe to block out the out-of-town announcers, Ka(y)reoke is back. Ka(y)reoke started last season when we were sick of listening to the Yankees announcers, so we let you take the mic and call the game live for an inning. Every Tuesday that the Sox are on the road you'll get your chance at play-by-play. Hosted by John Quinn, get there early and sign up for your slot.

Also at Thom's

Thursday, May 3rd

Let the Professor school you on exotic beer and rich cheeses at our first of many future Monthly Tasting Classes at the Professor's Loft. From 7-9pm at the Loft, get a taste of over 15 types of Craft Beer and Saxelby Cheeses plus a mystery Cask beer! Tickets are still available. Email petelevin@mac.com or call the Loft at 917.421.9678 for tickets or more information.

Everybody Wins

Huh! Everybody loses! I have the displeasure to inform you all that nobody at Thom's will be throwing out the first pitch at a Red Sox game anytime soon. We did our best though. With your help we raised $1000 for the charity. And 10 regulars will receive gift certificates and T-shirts. Thank you.

Good luck to Thom's regular Stephanie Gaskell who gave up her cosy digs at The Post to go report on the war in Iraq. I hope when you come back the Sox are still in first. It's the least they could do.

And try to catch another regular, Randy Ingram, performing with jazz vocalist and composer Julie Hardy live at the Cornelia Street Cafe Thursday, May 10th. Sets at 8:30pm and 10:00pm$10 cover.

Knee deep in flowers will stray, we'll keep the showers away.

And if I kiss you in the garden, in the moonlight, will you pardon me?

Come tiptoe through the tulips with me!

-Al Dubin and Joe Burke

Round II

Was anyone else confused at the end of "Rocky" when he's jumping around screaming "Adrian" and everyone is cheering and Apollo is depressed? Rocky lost? Why the hell do you do "the Cinderella story" and end it with Cinderella still sweeping ashes? Why? For the sequel, that's why.

Stallone figured out early that the sequel was where the money was. The original cast of "First Blood" (One of the best movies ever!) had Kirk Douglas playing Colonel Trautman instead of Richard Crenna. KIRK DOUGLAS! Spartacus quit when Stallone refused to adhere to the book's original ending that had Trautman killing Rambo, not leading him out to the police. Why? Sequel baby! Imagine Kirk Douglas killing Rambo! Wow.

Well, life imitates art, or so it would seem. Because, although Spartacus beat the Yankees soundly last weekend, this weekend it's on again. Now, by this point I can't remember in this metaphor if the Sox are Rocky, Apollo, Trautman, or Kitty and Stud. But I do know that Jason Giambi is Frank Stallone and the Sox are on at Thom's.

Come in for $4 Thom's Ale and Spaceman Ale during the game. And, when Dice K pitches $4 Asahi.

Clamapalooza III: Bye Bye Bi-Valve

Speaking of sequels, the clams are back with a vengeance. On Thursday May 17, we'll be bringing back Clamapalooza for the premiere of Harpoon Brown. There will be specials and give-aways all night. And after the Sox game, The third Boston Teabag Party will be going on upstairs featuring the best New England comedians living in New York. So many sequels, it's like deja vu all over again.


(BTW, yes Stallone is making another Rambo: John J Rambo.)


Kitty: Someday you'll be known as the Italian Stallion.
Stud: Let's get high

The Beat Goes On

One game down and 18 to go. The boo birds that were asking for Joe Torre's head last year will surely be back if he keeps managing like he did last night. Of course last night's win was meaningless at this point in the season. After all, in 1999 the Sox dominated the Yankees during the season 8-4, then got dominated themselves for the pennant. But, the role reversal that I first documented last year is progressing nicely. The poles are shifting. Don't worry, Al Gore; the Earth is safe. This is baseball:

More and more last season as the year closed, Yankee fans were talking about the batting title for Jeter and, after the season, how he deserved the MVP because of his average. Where are the days of rings? When has gone the time when individual awards were nothing next to a "Ring"? Those individual awards were once the solace of Red Sox fans and their many Cy Young Awards and batting titles, but no championships.

Now, we find ourselves in the middle of an A-Rod explosion and all of the media of New York is aflutter with the possibility of the "best year ever". But, the Yankees are in third place. While Michael Kay bemoans the Red Sox' loss of Alex Gonzalez at shortstop for the "barely acceptable" defense of Julio Lugo, he misses what has happened to the Yankees in general since 2000.

Like the Yankees once did, the Red Sox have gotten improbable performances from otherwise underwhelming players like Bill Mueller, Todd Walker, and Hideki Okajima (see Scott Brosius, Chuck Knoblauch, and Jim Leyritz) on their way to winning the 2004 title. While the Yankees stack their line up with All-stars, the Sox are overpaying for neverbeens.

What does any of this mean? Not a god damned thing. The Sox will probably still be battling for the Wild Card in September. The Yankees still will finish first in the division. So, on to the levity:

I think my father, in his advancing age, is losing grasp of his beloved Red Sox (actually he grew up a Braves fan). While complaining about Varitek yesterday on the phone he said, "Christ, his back up's hitting better than him. What's his name? Clarabella? The guy who catches for the guy who throws goofballs." Senility? Clarity! What's the difference what his name is. If he hits play him. Goofballs? That's just too much.

A lot of you have been sending video lately so, it's time to share:

Yet Another Hero.

No Laughing Matter.

War! What is it Good For?

An Adult Conversation.

Cockshut approaches and with it another Sox/Yankees game.

The Townies Are Back!

It's a weekend of returns!

First, it's the return of The Boston Teabag Party in the Loft Thursday night:

"The 2nd ever BOSTON TEABAG PARTY, the show that seeks to introduce you to the best comedians from Boston who live in New York but you didn't know they were from Boston, is happening tonight at 9pm, upstairs at Professor Thom's.

Our special Boston-connected guests tonight include:

BARON VAUGHN

GOD'S POTTERY

TOM SHILLUE

Plus another Minuteman Challenge! And BEER! Lots and lots of BEER!

Hosted by the man with the largest head you know (size 8 1/4, kids!), Braintree, MA's own NICK STEVENS.

Tunes and grooves a la carte from another Braintree, MA boy, DJ TANNER '88!

Good vs. Evil!

Then, it's on! It's Davey vs. Goliath. It's Ali vs. G. It's Q*Bert vs. Coily. It's "Miami Vice" vs. "The Insiders". It's Dick York vs. Dick Sargent. It's Univision contra Telemundo. Quien es mas macho? It's the battle to end all battles.

It's Red Sox vs. Yankees: Episode I. And it all starts Friday.

We'll be busy all weekend, so get there early and bring a tent. Thom's Ale by Harpoon and Spaceman Ale by Magic Hat are always $4 during the game!

I'm back in the saddle again

Out where a friend is a friend

Where the longhorn cattle feed

On the lowly gypsum weed

Back in the saddle again

-Gene Autry

Get Your Sox On

Well last night might not have ended up the way we would have liked but what a crowd! That was the biggest Sox crowd we've had so far. Thank Heavens that Drew came threw with a hit in the eighth.

It starts back up again today at 4 pm. Tell your boss you have to get out early and get down to Thom's; Happy Hour lasts until 7. What do you get with Happy Hour? Excellent question. How about $3 beers and $4 wine and $4 mixed drinks. Not too shabby, huh?

Remember, during the Sox games not at Happy Hour you get Thom's Ale by Harpoon for $4 and Spaceman Ale from Magic Hat for $4. And, when the Dice-san pitches Asahi is 4 bucks too.

Raffles!

We still have a few $10 raffle tickets left to throw out the first pitch at Fenway, so ask your bartender for details. You could win tickets to the May 11th Orioles game at Fenway and a chance to be on the mound to through out the first pitch. All the money goes to charity!

After that's done, we'll be raffling off two Green Monster seats for a Yankee game. We also have shirts and hats and stuff all season long.

Ticket Corner

Do you have tickets you want to sell? Let me know and I'll advertise them here.

For Sale: 4 Tickets to the Patriots Day game at Fenway. E-mail me if you're interested.

Fitzy is Back!

Next Thursday we're having our second Boston Teabag Party: A showcase of the finest comedic minds New Engalnd has to offer. Tickets are $5 at the door. You could also win them at Q & A Trivia with John Quinn or other events.

Bah-bah-bah-bah, bah-bah-bah-bah

Bah-bah-bah-bah. bah-bah-bah-bah, at the hop!

-Danny and The Juniors

Don't Go Breaking My Heart

It's official! They are back to their heart-breaking best. If the Red Sox were sitting in a circle at college orientation and some crunchy senior asked, "If you were an animal which one would you be?" The Sox would have to say, "a Push-me-pull-you." Ok, so that's a long way to go to say that the Sox were embarassed opening day by the Royals, leaving us to harmonize yet another chorus of "Not again". Then, they turned around and dominated the Royals for two games to take the series, and leave us solidly in first place. It promises to be our customarily painful year.

More than 60 people turned out yesterday to see the Dice-san dominate in his first major league start. (Don't you people have jobs? I hope not.) This was a far cry from the poor control he exhibited on Saturday in Philly which 50 Thom's regulars saw live! If you missed the Philly trip, you're a damned fool. But, there are still plenty of chances to cash in at Thom's:

Stop Being a Wicked Loser!

For the next 4 weeks we'll be selling raffle tickets that give you a chance to throw out the first pitch at Fenway Park on May 11th. The lucky winner will also get 2 tickets to the game. The tickets are only $10 and all of the proceeds go to a good cause. Ask your bartender for details.

When that promotion is over, we'll be raffling off 2 monster seats for a Yankees game! I'm serious! And, to boot, we'll be doing weekly raffles involving Red Sox triva for t-shirts and gift certificates. Wow!

Ice-Brackets

The College Basketball Tournament might be over, but that doesn't mean that there aren't any brackets left. Come out tomorrow night and see BC in the NCAA Hockey Championship for the 2nd straight year. Their foe: the hated Michigan State Spartans! BOOOOOO!

Back By Popular Demand

We had to turn people away from the first Boston Teabag Party comedy night at Thom's. So, we decided to do another and another. In fact, we're going to do it every month starting April 19. The tickets are $5 at the door, but you could win free tickets at bingo or trivia night.

BLOHARDS

Don't forget to get your tickets for the BLOHARDS spring lunch on April 27! There will be guests from the Red Sox and more.

So don't misunderstand me

You put the light in my life

You put the sparks to the flame

I've got your heart in my sights

Ann Orson and Carte Blanche

The Streets of Philly

All Aboard!

The Professor's Express will leave from Thom's at 10 am Saturday morning. Destination: Philadelphia and Dice-K's last warm up before the real thing. If you have already paid for your ticket, please try to get to Thom's by 9:30 so that we can be ready to go by 10. If you're running late, please call me.

Strike One!

Ever dream about throwing out the first pitch at a Red Sox game? Well, for just $10 you could win one of 4 chances to make that dream happen. We're raffling off chances to throw out a pitch a Fenway Park on May 11th and the money is going to Everybody Wins, a literacy campaign in Boston. Ask the bartender for details.

The Man We Call Yaz...

On Friday, March 30 NESN will be premiering "Impossible to Forget", the story of the '67 Sox. Come to Thom's to see archival footage of the '67 season along with interviews featuring past Red Sox, Thom's regulars, and BLOHARDS.

And Speaking of BLOHARDS:

The Benevolent Loyal Order of the Honorable Ancient Redsox Diehard Sufferers of New York is having there Spring lunch on April 27. The BLOHARDS have been suffering in this city for a long time and they throw one hell of a party. They usually have a Red Sock there and a broadcaster from the Olde Towne Team. They're even supplying the music with John Pizzarelli of "Meet me at Foxwoods" fame. For more info, visit the BLOHARDS or buy tickets here.


Opening Day is right around the corner. Get to Thom's early Monday for a seat to see the Sox go wire to wire.

Trying hard now

it's so hard now

trying hard now

Getting strong now

won't be long now

getting strong now

Gonna fly now

flying high now

gonna fly, fly, fly...

Bill Conti

The Dice Is Cast.

Well, the verdict's in:
Might as well just cancel the season. According to Benedict-ah, I mean Johnny Damon, the Yankees are the fairest damsel in the land. And, Captain Jetes couldn't agree more, "You want people to feel as though you have the best team," Derek Jeter noted of Damon's comment. "A lot of it is a mindset, and an attitude. You want people to have that attitude whether you win or lose. We're number one. A-Rod sucks." These comments came as no surprise to loyal Yankee fans who are still celebrating their 33rd World series title. "This is great", The pilgarlic Vinny from Ultimate Road Trip said. "I've become so freaking confident in this team that I stopped watching 7 years ago. I just wait until October and celebrate. Boston sucks!" Kevin Kernan, the author of the Damon story, then whispered something in Vinny's ear and Vinny spontaneously combusted.

Grill of My Dreams

Well, if you were looking for Manny's grill on ebay, you're going to be disappointed. Ebay has pulled the item which last carried a bid of $99,999,999.00 (That's 2000 euros). But, the good news is that you could still bid on these items: Manny's pants, Manny's quilt, and Manny's manatee. That's just Manny being Bobby Flay.

More Thom's Foolery

As the regular season approaches we are still showing all the spring training games we can at Thom's. Also, look for specials on Thom's Ale from Harpoon, Spaceman Ale from Magic Hat, Geary's, and other New England beers. Also, we'll be having $4 Asahi every time Dice-K pitches. (Oops, sorry. Wrong Dice.)

Have you ever dreamed of throwing out the first pitch at Fenway? Well, now you can, and for a great cause. $100 will get you a chance and the money goes to Everybody Wins. Call 617-654-0259 for more info.

Check out our own John "The Q" Quinn's contributions on Top 100 Red Sox.

Failing at your bracket? Well the East Village Idiot has the answer: March Radness "pits the things you love to hate and hate to love about New York City against each other to determine this year’s ultimate quirk to city living.".

Our regulars are out of control bloggers. Check out the links on the Thom's blog.

Speaking of regulars, filmmaker Brett Rapkin of "Spaceman: A Baseball Odyssey" fame has a new film: "Impossible to Forget: Summer of ‘67" that features some Thom's regulars. Part of the film was shot in the Loft and airs for first time Friday, March 30th at 9:00 PM.

I like mine with lettuce and tomato

Heinz 57 and french fried potatoes

Big kosher pickle and a cold draft beer

Well good God almighty which way do i steer for my

-Manuel Aristides Ramirez

The Main Event

The time is now. You've had your warmup swings. You've gushed over the return of baseball. Now, it's time to get serious. Tonight at 7 pm at Professor Thom's it's Red Sox vs Yankees. It's the Good Guys vs The Bad Guys. It's the New vs. the Old. It's our guys you've never heard of but you find yourself strangely rooting for because they all try so hard against their spring invites that won't make the team and wear high numbers but you hate them anyway because of their pin-stripes which they're not even wearing.

And this time, it's personal.

Only a few more days until the first Boston Teabag Party on Thursday, a monthly showcase of the best Boston-area comics currently living in New York City. Hosted by Braintree, Mass's own NICK STEVENS (VH1, ESPN, Townienews.com), with DJ music magic and sidekick action from GEOFF ". More details to follow.

More Thom's Foolery

The brackets are set for the NCAA Tournament. so join Thom's online bracket tournament by clicking here. The password is: "bracket". It's free to join. There will be prizes.

It's been such a long time

I think I should be goin', yeah

And time doesn't wait for me, it keeps on rollin'

Sail on, on a distant highway

I've got to keep on chasin' a dream

I've gotta be on my way

Wish there was something I could say.

Brad Delp June 12, 1951 – March 9, 2007

Where Everybody Knows Your Game.

Okay, everyone can breath again. Just when you thought they were climbing out of the lottery, The Celtics ended their 3 game winning streak last night and got back to their losing ways. This year would be even more disappointing if they didn't ride their franchise record losing streak into the number one draft pick...Huh? What do you mean you don't understand? The Celtics. Basketball. Remember? Oh forget it. Back to baseball:

Dice-K continued to roll over opponents in his first start against major league talent. He had three K's in three innings against the Marlins Monday. Don't forget, we'll have Asahi specials whenever he's on the mound. And speaking of specials, SpaceMan Ale by Magic Hat will be back on tap soon. This tribute ale to former Sox pitcher Bill Lee is available only one place in the universe: Professor Thom's.

We'll be showing any spring training games they're showing. So, if it's not on, write nasty letters to NESN, MLB, Scooter Libby, or anyone else that will listen.

The Townies are Coming! The Townies are Coming!
Only one more week until the comedy event of the year. It's the Boston Teabag Party upstairs at Thom's Loft. Next Thursday we'll feature some of the most talented comic minds to escape New England. I swear, it will be a howl. It'll be funnier than that time Sully got his thumb caught in the coat hook under the bar at the Purple Shamrock and had to pound his beer so that his glass would be empty so he could pee in it while he waited for an ambulance to come to free his thumb, but had to pee again because he just pounded his beer and was dumb enough to order another. Now that was wicked pisser!

College Hoops

March Madness is here! We are the official bars of Michigan and UMASS, but don't feel left out we'll have your game on too and plenty of fans to talk too. At Thom's College Hoops fans know their game and yours too. So come out and join the party.

Football

This has been some off-season for the Patsies. First they signed stud LB Adalius Thomas, then stud Thom Terrific turns out to be also prolific. For the second time in the last two months one of his girlfriends, Gisele Bundchen, is with baby (gravida in Portuguese). I only wish Brady had this much accuracy versus the Colts!

More Press

It's getting so you can't swing a cyberstick without finding another story about the veritable olde Thom's. The Observer is tauting our "Jack Bauer Power Hour" this week.

Papa dont preach,

Im in trouble deep

Papa dont preach, Ive been losing sleep

But I made up my mind,

Im keeping my baby, oh

Im gonna keep my baby, mmm...

-Madonna Louise Ciccone Ritchie

Spring Has Sprung!

It's back. How do I know? Because you were there, and you were there, and you, and you too. Thom's was once again a hot bed of baseball activity last night as throngs of the Faithful watched the Red Sox battle to a 4-4 10th inning tie with the hated Twins.

Most of Florida was in bed by the time this one ended, but you were there. And, you'll be there again on Friday to watch the premiere of Dice-K as he battles those bold Eagles of BC.

And, talk about being there, Our own Gareth (he of sheep sharing) actually was there last night in sunny Florida representing Professor Thom's. He even sent a picture from his phone (above) to prove it. What other bar's blog has live shots of spring training? Ah, a little bit o'heaven.

Are you going to Florida to see the Sox? Let us know and we'll give you a sign from Harpoon to bring down. Anybody seen on the air with a sign will get rewarded bigtime!

Speaking of bigtime, have you heard about the Boston Teabag Party in the Loft?

"The townies are coming! The townies are coming!"

"As if New York didn't have enough smartasses, attitude, and transplanted Red Sox fans, now they get more of them all in one fantastic comedyshow.

On March 15th, 2007, Professor Thom's proudly presents the premiere of THE BOSTON TEBAG PARTY, a monthly showcase of the best Boston comics living in New York City. Hosted by Nick Stevens (from Braintree, MA -VH1, ESPN, Townienews.com), THE BOSTON TEABAG PARTY will feature the people who grew up in a city so historical, so sharp, so tight-knit thatwe all had to move to New York to make people laugh...for money. Plus, last call here is three hours later than Beantown.

Starring comedians from "Late Night with Conan O'Brien", "The Daily Show", SpikeTV and more, THE BOSTON TEABAG PARTY will not be all about Boston.It's about the people from Boston throwing a comedy party in NYC. Kindalike the 2004 ALCS. Except more enjoyable for Yankee fans.Sure to be wicked. Sure to be pissah. And sure to involve drinking and fighting."

March Madness

And, since it's the first day of March, madness is already setting in. If you want to see the coolest new place on the web to follow college hoops go testify at the Church of Bracketology. The most reverand Dr. Raycroft is breaking it all down for us.

In parting, happy belated 200th birthday Longfellow. (Oops! wrong long fellow.) Henry Wadsworth Longfellow's take on baseball's approach:

As a summer wind upheaves

The innumerable leaves

In the bosom of a wood,--

Not as separate leaves, but massed

All together by the blast,--

So for evil or for good

His resistless breath upheaved

All at once the many-leaved,

Many-thoughted multitude.

Dennis Johnson, Dead at 52

The closest I ever got to Dennis Johnson was when I approached him at the Celtics bench during a game to ask for his autograph. He was tying his shoe; he bit his bottom lip and just shook his head "no". I held that against him until I was all of 16. But, DJ is the guy I site every time I make the argument about what a point guard should and shouldn't do. He needs to direct the offense. He needs to distribute the ball. He needs to position himself for a medium range jumpshot. He needs to get back on defense. It seems these days, most point guards think their job is to penetrate, shot, or hit the 3. Not, DJ; he played the position perfectly. Watch in this most famous clip of DJ how he has the awareness to cut to the basket when he sees the steal.
RIP

Here are some more clips:

ESPN Tribute
Local Legends Tribute
Bird Steal
After
The Long Clip

Has Anybody Seen Manny?

Baseball is officially back! And, it wouldn't be the same without our favorite lightning rod: Manuel Aristides Ramirez. (Better our lightning rod than theirs!) Much like that globetrotter of yore, Carmen Sandiego, nobody knows exactly where Manny is.
But, we can guess:

Is he at a car show? Is he at the mall?

Is he in New York? Is he in the Wall?

Does anyone know where Manny is?

Hopefully he'll be back in time for you to see him at Thom's. The Spring is in full swing with the first scrimmage only a week away. The usual suspects, Papi, Shilling, and Manny have dominated the headlines. They have been joined in equal billing by Daisuke and his mythical gyroball.

While many of you are heading south to see the games the rest of you should be heading to Thom's. Not only will we be airing every game we can, we'll be hosting a showcase of New England comedians on the 15th with Nick Stevens and starring comedians from "Late Night with Conan O'Brien", "The Daily Show", SpikeTV and more, THE BOSTON TEABAG PARTY will not be all about Boston. It's about the people from Boston throwing a comedy party in NYC. Kindalike the 2004 ALCS. Except more enjoyable for Yankee fans.

Then on the 31st we're heading to Philly to see the last Sox spring training game.

After that the fun begins. There will be drink specials galore, clams, book signings, Asahi, pickles, rare game footage, movie screenings, Asahi, more clams, and baseball. My God it does not get better than this.

I guess I'm lying to myself

Its just you and no one else

Lord I won't miss you child

You've been blotting out my mind

Fooling on my time

No, I won't miss you, baby, yeah

-Sir Michael Phillip Jagger

Where Everybody Knows Your Name.

Any cursory study of the TV show "Cheers" would show that Gary's Olde Towne Tavern, that mustacheod rival of the good guys on Beacon Street, always won their intermural competitions with Cheers. Such is our fate too. Finnerty's and their foozball faithful beat Thom's last night in the final installment of the Bargame Games, taking the coveted Silver Bowl and proceeded to do the wanger-bop all over our sacred soil. In short, we lost. It was sad to be sure.

But, a more detailed analysis of said sit-com shows that Gary's Olde Town Tavern only appeared in 5 or so episodes. So, to hell with them! They're but bit players in our grand show. They won't be mentioned here again until the Bargame Summer Games. We have better things on the horizon. (Way to brightside it!)

The trip to Philly is philling up!

In case you didn't know, we have phorty tickets to the March thirty-phirst Red Sox game at Philly. It's the last pre-season game. Iph you have signed up already come in and pay phast; there aren't many spaces left. Iph you haven't signed up yet, do it now.

The Summer of Love.

Filmmaker Brett Rapkin wraps up his New York interviews this weekend for the documentary on the '67 Sox. He's been shooting the spots at Thom's. So, when it comes out, look for your local to be featured prominently.

Do You Know a Wicked Pisser Good Joke?

Comedian and VH1 celebrity Nick Stevens will be hosting a night of Boston comedians in The Loft on March 8th. Details to follow.

See, there is quite a light at the end of the tunnel.

Roll out of bed, Mr. Coffee's dead;

The morning's looking bright;

And your shrink ran off to Europe,

And didn't even write;

And your husband wants to be a girl;

Be glad there's one place in the world

Where everybody knows your name,

And they're always glad you came;

You want to go where people know,

People are all the same;

You want to go where everybody knows your name.

-Gary Portnoy and Judy Hart Angelo

T Minus 13 Days!

It was the worst of times...

The Bargame games took a nasty turn last night when that house of ill-repute next door, Finnerty's, beat Thom's in Poker. In fact, a Thom's player didn't even make the top two. Tsk, tsk. Now, it's all tied up at 3 games apiece going into the Megatouch finale next week. This is for all of the marbles. Come by Thursday night for the closing ceremonies of The Bargame games!

But, back to business:

Apparently the countdown has begun. Baseball is once again almost upon us. According the Mighty Quinn Media Machine it's 13 days, 23 hours, 3 minutes, and 59-no 58-ahm, 55- well you get the idea; it impends. So what is Thom's doing about it?

Well, if you haven't heard we're going to Philly on March 31 to watch the Red Sox in their final preseason game. We have 40 tickets and plenty of bus space. So, come on in and sign up. The first 40 to pay will be going.

That's all? No, that's not all. March 1, we're planning "A Night of Boston Comedy" in the loft. There'll be stand up, sketch, etc. all from funny guys from Mass. Details to come.

And? what do you mean "and"? that's not enough? Did I mention that all month long The Loft will be used to shoot interviews for a documentary about the '67 Sox? Yeah, that's right. An impossible dream come true.

We felt bad that the January Peter Gammons event got cancelled, so we decided to turn it up a notch. BAM!

Don't miss all of the games on DirectTV this year at Thom's. I haven't met one fan upset with MLB's proposal to allow DirectTV all of the out-of-market games. We'll be happy to have you. It's going to be one, big family. (BTW, in the spirit of full disclosure, Bud Selig, if you're reading this, Chris O'Reilly did not take into account beer specials, buybacks, and raffle winnings on his bill. He's making out like a bandit!)

I just can't wait, no, no, my baby

I just can't wait, no, no, no

I just can't wait, no, no, my baby

I just can't wait, no, no, no

-J. Geils

The Four Horsemen Have Come and Gone

Well, I haven't left the house since the world ended Sunday. I assume no one else is left and no one is reading this, but I write on:

Unmanned boats float up and down the Hudson River within view of my window. It's been 4 days since the eighth and last sign of the apocalypse showed itself; Peyton Manning defeated Thom Brady in a big game. These are dark days indeed. Why do I go on? I write for future generations of Patriot fans, so that they might know what hardships we faced. So, that they might know that there was a Golden Period before The Fall. That King Belichick was a righteous man despite what history might record. That his greatest warrior, Brady-the-Fierce, was unrivaled among men in this land. That for a time, New England was the center of the world, then it all came crashing down. What is one to do?

Go to Thom's for the Bargame Games! Drew evened the score last week with a thrilling 18th hole comeback in video golf over the hated Finnerty's next door. This week Drew hopes to continue his domination of said slop house in a friendly game of eight-ball. So what if zombies now rule the streets. Join us this and every Thursday for the Bargame Games ®.

Not enough to get over the blues? Well, hows about a trip to Philly? Reserve your space now for our March 31st trip to Philly to see the Red Sox take on the Phillies in their last preseason game. We got 40 tickets and a bus and we expect you to be there.

Yes, it's almost time for baseball!

Come writers and critics

Who prophesize with your pen

And keep your eyes wide

The chance won't come again

And don't speak too soon

For the wheel's still in spin

And there's no tellin' who

That it's namin'.

For the loser now

Will be later to win

For the times they are a-changin'.

-Robert Zimmerman

The Ballad of Ellis Hobbs

Charles Caleb Colton said "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery." Well, how very sincere our young friend Ellis Hobbs III must have been when he imitated that merry man Shawne for everyone's pleasure at midfield Sunday. (At midfield, so not to choose sides. How pious!) I'm just glad he didn't choose to imitate the classy Merriman in this video. (Apparently, he's not a big fan of "The Brady Bunch".) Merriman, and the rest of the Chargers for that matter, should have heeded another well tested Colton maxim "When you have nothing to say, say nothing.”

Saws aside, that was yet another chapter in the book of thrilling Patriots' finishes. Thank God the unruly Chargers made so many mental errors: dropping passes, fumbling, personal fouls after plays. And, to boot, Stephen "The Ghost Cow" Gostkowski finally showed his mettle setting the all time Patsies' playoff record with his 50-yard field goal! GOOOOOOO Ghost Cow!

This week will be a bit tougher. Never mind that the Chargers were favorite to win the Superbowl. The Colts will not make the same the mistakes. This promises to be another battle for the ages. Here's some highlights from the last time they played each other: Indy vs Pats. (BTW "Vic Payback" is my favorite wrestling name ever.)

If your coming to Thom's, get there early for brunch and stay for the first game: New Orleans at Chicago (3:00). We have a Brian Urlacher jersey to give away. "Urlacher", of course, is from the German for "source of laughter", so from here on in he'll be known on these pages as Brian Bozo, because Bozo always made me laugh.

Then at 6:00 the main event starts and we'll have give-aways upstairs and down stairs. That's right, both floors will be open for the games. So, you classy folk can head up to the lounge to enjoy a rousing match of football while the groundlings pack it in downstairs.

Tonight at Thom's

Come join UMASS alumni as they root their minutemen on against Xavier. Wear your gear for $4 Thom's Ale

The Bargame Games took a nasty turn last week when Thom's fell to Finnerty's in darts. But, this week the games come to Thom's. Drew and Gareth will be defending our honor in video golf. Come cheer them on at 8:00 and help us even the score.

Lights out
A-ha
Blast, blast, blast
Lights out
-Peter Wolf

Where The Action's At!

Well, the Jets game made more than a few of us nervous. The score says it was a blowout. But, most of the game was an heart attack. Stupid penalties and poor tackling almost left the Patsies in the first round.

Now comes the big one. This is the one that matters. This is the match-up of the century! You've been waiting your whole life to see this:

It's the opening ceremonies of The Bargame Games! Tonight's contest will pit Greg and Mike of Professor Thom's against two rapscallions from Finnerty's in a game of darts. The event will take place at Finnerty's at about 8pm. It's going to be ugly. To hell with UFC, this is where the actions is.

Then on Sunday the Patsies take on the lowly Chargers. Oh, I know what you're thinking: "The Chargers are the best team in football." But, they don't have Thom Brady. Phillip Rivers? That's not a football name, that's a lounge act. I think I saw him in Vegas opening up for "Vic Tayback: A Musical Life" at The Sands. (on a side note: I once stood next to Vic Tayback at the urinals in Harvard Yard. He was wearing a black polyester jacket that said Vegas in big letters and featured two large puffy dice. I said, "You're Vic Tayback, right?" He said, "Yeaahh" and flushed and left.)

The Pats play at 4:30 Sunday, so you'd better git there early for a Sunday, real early. How about Saturday at noon? that should be early enough. That's when UMASS takes on Temple in hoops.

Don't forget that if you're going to Boston, you can now get your bus tickets at Thom's. Just ask your friendly bartender.

Used to be sad, used to be shy

Funniest thing, the saddest part is I never knew why...

Kickin' myself for nothin' was my favorite sport

I had to get out and start enjoyin' 'cause life's too short

-Alan and Marilyn Bergman and David Shire

Are You A Patriot? Well, Are You Punk?

It's finally time. I know what you're thinking, Patriot fans are spoiled; they wait all season for the playoffs to start. How very presumptuous. Well, it wasn't long ago that we waited all season for the playoffs to end and be over with. We presumed we wouldn't be there. That's all changed in the Belichick era. The Pats are perennially feared in the playoffs, regardless of what they do in the regular season. And, their success has spawned imitators. Bill Belichick's main protege' Eric Mangini is manning the Jet that flies into Foxboro this Sunday at 1 pm. It's Obi Wan and Darth all over again. But, this time it's personal (And on Earth.) This rivalry is finally starting to mean something. So, in honor of this rivalry, we're going to start one of our own.

Finnerty's, the Yankee Bar next door to us, is getting to big for their britches. So, we're challenging them to The First Annual Bar Game Olympics. Our best will be competing against their best for bragging rights in darts, pool, video golf, poker, and Megatouch (For all of you Catholics out there, please don't confuse the video game Megatouch with the penance "mega touch".) The games will take place Thursday nights either at Thom's or Finnerty's We need your support. If you want to take part, let me know.

U-MASS!

I remember watching the Celtics play the 'Sixers when I was young and hearing mother say, "You know Dr. J went to UMass." I didn't go there, but I always found myself rooting for them. Now you can too. The Umass NYC Metro Alumni (We have to find them a beter name. TUNMA?) has designated Thom's as the place to watch UMASS hoops in NYC. In fact, if you wear your Minutemen gear you'll get $4 Thom's Ales. With the Broons getting shellacked 10-2 and the Celtics yearning for the days of Gerry Sichting the Minutemen make for a good winter diversion.

In Memoriam

The longest standing (or wheel chair bound, as it were) member of Red Sox Nation passed away this week. Kathryn Gemme was 112 years old. She was 25 when Johnny Pesky was born! Imagine, she saw all 6 World Series Championships The Red Sox won.

Don't forget to pick up your bus tickets to Boston at the bar-$15 each way.

Land Of Football Glory

Mightier Than Thee

Score, Yes We Shall Do

And Claim Our Victory

Football! Football! Football!

- T-Spoon

Happy Birthday!

"Jingle Bells" is not my favorite holiday song, not even close. That honor would go to one of the following: "Please Come Home for Christmas" by Charles Brown, or "Rooster Crows at Midnight (On Christmas Day)" by Leadbelly, "Christmas Baby Please Come Home" by Darlene Love, or pretty much anything from "A Charlie Brown Christmas". But, when I'm driving 93 South from my parents place in Woburn and I spy that Medford Square exit, I can't help but think of probably the most popular of secular holiday songs, "Jingle Bells".

It's said that composer James Pierpont penned "Jingle Bells" describing Medford Square at wintertime. (That would explain why he later moved to decidely unsnowy Savanah, Georgia. Boston winters are brrrrutal.)

What's my point? The point is we're having a little Holiday party tomorrow at Thom's. Come drink on us from 6:30 to 7:30. Then get Happy Hour prices until nine.
Thanks for making our first year great!

More Christmas Links:
Frosty
Charlie Brown
Mister Magoo



Trivia Tonight!

The Q will be giving good trivia tonight for all in attendance. Come by and win prizes and impress a bunch of drunks.

Christmas Trivia: The composers Bob Merrill and Jule Styne offered a song entitled "People" for the score of "Mister Magoo's Christmas Carol" but the animation had already been completed and it was too late to include it. Instead they added it to the score of a Broadway musical they were writing called "Funny Girl", where it became the first of many hits for the star, Barbra Streisand.

Mister Magoo, you've done it again.

Support your local bartender!
Thom's bartender Sasha is competing for world fame. Please vote for her drink here: Bailey's Drink Contest



So won't you tell me you'll never more roam
Christmas and New Years will find you home
Please come home for Christmas
Please come home for Christmas
If not for Christmas by New Year's night

There'll be no more sorrow no grief and pain
And I'll be happy, happy once again

(Brown-Red)

The Dice-san Cometh

Turning Japanese? I think I'm turning Japanese. I really think so.

It'll cost over $100 million dollars, but it's finally a done deal. Daisuke Matsuzaka is a ronin no more. His new master is Red Sox Nation and the enemy is clear to us all.

If you would like to get on the Dice-san's bandwagon then it would behoove you to learn a little bit about his homeland: Nippon. First of all, you need to understand his language. You'll find all the info you need here: Perfect Translator. Next you need to learn about what they drink. A great place to start is John Gauntner's Sake World. Sign up for the news letter here. Thirdly, you need to learn about these weird gadgets they use. You know, like those dogs that hump your computer. And, you should definitely familiarize yourself with japanese cinema.

WARNING: From now on when you go to anything at Thom's you'd better get there early. PAGE 6 is on to us, and the glitteratti are sure to follow. SIGHTINGS

No sex, no drugs, no wine, no women
No fun, no sin, no you, no wonder it's dark
Everyone around me is a total stranger
Everyone avoids me like a cyclone ranger
Everyone
-The Vapors

Ah, Boston you're my home.
-The Standells

Oh What A Night!

Bill Lee has hit the road or "frappe la rue" as he likes to put it. But, he left an indelible mark on us and the baseballs he autographed. We had a great time last night and I want to thank everyone who attended Bill Lee's 60th birthday party. I hope you had enough Spaceman Ale, steamers, and cake. The Spaceman was really floored by how many fans and old friends came out to see him, and was really impressed by the birthday card sent by the Red Sox. I think he'll definitely be back. In case you missed it, Bill shook every hand and spoke with everyone that approached him. He posed for photos and signed baseballs and DVDs. As advertised, he was a pleasure to deal with. And, if the Sox need a lefty, which they do, I think he could still throw a few innings. (Did anyone else detect a strange odor emanating from the High Times reporters?)

If you have some pictures you'd like to share of the event, please send them along and we'll post them.

Also, check out Bill soon as The Dean of Students at "Sox Fan University" on NESN.

Unfortunately, we ran long last night so we didn't get to do trivia. So, we'll have it tonight. Q will be in Qontrol with a special Wednesday night trivia.

Also tonight, we'll have our first gathering of UMASS alumni as their Minutemen take on Louisville in basketball.

Going home for the holidays? Get your tickets to Boston via Lucky Star Bus Lines at Thom's. It's $15 oneway and $30 roundtrip. What a deal! You can even take the bus from Thom's to Lucky Star. Ask your bartender.

It's hip again to be a New Englander.

And Finally, you know we've made it when the oldest school in America is covering us. (page 6 of the Fall 06 Bulletin.)

The Spaceman Cometh

Well, it's December, so the Patriots must be banged up again. The latest on the list? Laurence Maroney. Bony Maroney has a bum back, but is probable. Rodney Harrison isn't back yet. Eugene Wilson is out for the year joining starters Junior Seau and Randall Gay on the IR. And, Vrabel gave us a heart attack when he went down on the last play of the game last week. So? So, we still have to squish the fish this Sunday at 1pm. They just lost their running back and still have Joey Harrington at QB. Look for Asante to get 9 interceptions. That's right. You heard it here first, 9.

One, Two, Three. Look at Mr. Lee

Join us Tuesday December 12th as the legendary pitcher Bill Lee joins the folks at Thom's to celebrate his 60th birthday. The night will feature a screening of "Spaceman: A Baseball Odyssey " SpaceMan Ale by Magic Hat, steamers, and autographed materials for raffle.

Proceeds will go to charity.

Also scheduled to attend: High Times Magazine. (Go figure.)

And, don't forget it's his birthday, so try to bring a present. Show some freaking class, will ya.

Stick around after the event because The Q will be doing Spaceman themed trivia for prizes. (There'll be a sneak peek in the next newsletter.)

Warning: Do not leave Thom's drunk and attempt to tackle a news box. You will wind up in New York Magazine. Or, was David Cross just working on a bit? It seems that the Boston trained (he did about a week at Emerson) actor can't get enough of that olde towne atmosphere.

WHAT BOTHERS THE SPACE MAN?
Far from the crowd, he's the day watchman.

Walk past the trees he used to swing from.

What bothers the spaceman?

The teeth in his head?

I'm sure he could smile for us.

Wave to the people out on the lawn.

Mr. Ellis and Mr. Lee.Mr. Lee and me.

What bothers the spaceman?

What's left for him now?

I'm sure he could smile for us.

Lee Lee Lee Lee etc.
-Mono Puff

The Legend of Second Chance Ghost Cow

Brady didn't Berry the Bears, he buried them! No more will Jim McMahon's ill-timed tap to "The Super Bowl Shuffle" haunt my head. The highlight I have now is Thom Brady's sidestep of that bridge troll Brian Urlacher. And, I think we finally solved the problem our new kicker Stephen "The Ghost Cow" Gostkowski was having: Give him two tries. At the end of the first half Ghost Cow missed a 52-yard field goal but got another try because Chicago had called timeout at the last second. He made it the second time by a hair. Thus, the legend of "Second Chance Ghost Cow" was born.

Two straight wins and the Patsies seem to be back on track. If they could just cure their case of the fumbles we might have a fun playoffs this year, especially with Jake “ The Snake” Plummer out of the way in Denver. He is the only quarterback to beat the Patsies in the playoffs in the Belichick era. Bring on Jay “The Butler” Cutler!

And speaking of fun, only two more weeks ‘til our Spaceman and Steamers event. Tuesday, December 12th we’ll be screening “Spaceman: A Baseball Odyssey”, a film about former Red Sox pitcher Bill Lee’s life in baseball. Scheduled to attend is film maker Brett Rapkin who made the documentary and Bill Lee himself who will be celebrating his 60th birthday. But, we don’t serve popcorn with a movie,we’ll be steaming up some clams and pouring Spaceman Ale by Magic Hat, brewed specifically for this event. Proceeds from the Spaceman Ale and autographed items available in raffles will be going to The Jimmy Fund. So, come out to a bar, drink beer, eat clams, and watch a movie for a good cause. We'll even let you talk politics this once.

Check out The Spaceman’s views on the Pres.

Oh, my name is Raymond Berry and I'm the leader of the Pats.
Ask Dan Marino if we're still a team of old door mats.
We're rough, we're tough.
We're lean, we're mean.
We're hungry, that's a fact.
Chicago will go down my friends to Raymond Berry's Pats.
-Bruce & The Benchwarmers