Game 6

Many of you Sox fans have probably never even been to Thom's during college football. Well, let me tell you it gets packed, especially during Michigan games. And the Wolverines are playing opposite the Sox on Saturday night.

So my advice would be to get there as early as possible. When's the last time you tried our brunch?

Sunday night's game should be no problem for space. But, don't be surprised if when you get there all of the seats are taken by Pats fans that haven't left since noon.

*****

A hearty goodbye to Joe Torre; the team won't be the same without him. At his press conference today he said that he went to the meeting with an offer in hand that he didn't like, but was willing to negotiate. The Yankees weren't. They made it clear that they didn't want him back, but left it to him to say no. I predict he'll be managing the Mets in 2 years.

More Thom's Foolery

Gagne Optioned
The First Clambake
Torre Gone
Beckett on the National Anthem
Jacoby's Popularity Soaring

Patriots get Stubhub Users' Names

Tessie, you make me feel so badly.

Why don't you turn around?

Tessie, you know I love you madly.

Babe, my heart weighs about a pound.

Don't blame me if I ever doubt you,

You know I wouldn't live without you.

Tessie, you are the only, only, only.
-Will R. Anderson

Strap It On!

As if spygate wasn't enough, the Patsies are again up to their wicked ways. This time Tom Terrific is taking it on the chin for cheating. The league has decided to punish the greatest QB ever for not fastening his chin strap. The Commissioner stated: "Everybody knows that when Tom Brady leaves his chin strap unbuckled he looks cool in a swashbuckling manner. It's distracting to opposing defenders and provides the Patriots with an unfair competitive advantage." The Commissioner went on to say that his office was considering banning the glint in his eye if other teams registered complaints thereof.

Rivals of the Patriots are up in arms over what they see as another meaningless punishment. Tom Brady will have to pay a fine of $4 million, 3 touchdowns, and 2 fingers (his choice). He will have the dimple on his chin spackled. In addition, the Patriots will have to give one receiver to each of the other AFC East teams and Brady will lose visitation rights for the baby he had out of wedlock with actress Bridget Moynihan. Brady has also agreed to throw at least one interception per game for the rest of the season and pledges not to challenge Pedigree Manning's holy TD record.

Manning supported the decision: "He's dreamy. Everyone knows it. He shouldn't be allowed to flaunt it on the field. He's been warned numerous times by the league."

The Patriots (6-0) take on Miami (0-6) at 1:00 Sunday.

In other news, it's going to be a big weekend at Thom's. Get there early for your seats on Saturday to watch the Sox return to Fenway for game 6 of the ALCS. Then on Sunday the Sox try to close out the Tribe and head to the World Series against the rested Rockies.

Hey! I’m only fourteen

Sickly ’n’ thin

Tried all of my life

Just to grow me a chin

It popped out once

But my dad pushed it in

Why did he hurt me?

He’s my next of kin...

He’s a mex-i-kin

-Frank Zappa

All Square.

There was a 19 inning party at Thom's that ended this morning with a stray Gagne fastball. The bar rocked for the entirety of game 1 and the enthusiasm flowed smoothly into and throughout game 2. From the choruses of "Tessie" to Horton's lead in "Take me out to the ball game" there seemed to be one mass consciousness of optimism. Then the extra innings came and Ortiz, Manny, and Lowell came and went. Then there were was a donnybrook or two. Then it was over. The Sox had lost their first game of the playoffs.

The fantasy of a clean run through the World Series is over and now we have to actually play the games. That should not worry us though, because "Tessie" will be back Monday as will these guys:

K. Youkilis 1b .375
D. Ortiz dh .500
M. Ramirez lf .500
M. Lowell 3b .375

If you are at Thom's on Monday look for a little tension at the start of the game. Even since 2004, there lingers a bit of the apprehension in the sole of every Sox fan. But, that too will pass quickly around the time that Big Papi comes up to bat in the top of the first.

Get to Thom's early on Tuesday. Bombo films will be by again to shoot footage for their new documentary on Sox fans. They are continuing to get coverage of Ka(y)reoke, our own play-by-play experince that lets the customers take up to the mic and call the game. Look for house trivia master John Quinn with the sign up sheet if you want to participate and be a star.

That's Amore!

Many of you have asked where I was during the first two games of the ALDS. Well, it's time to reveal that I in fact went to the Riviera. Yes, that no-man's land of Red Sox fans. The original home of Red Sox Nation in New York. The place to where I swore I would never return. But, I could not resist all of those beaches and all of that great food and olives and wine and...

Alright, you may have figured out by now that I wasn't in the West Village for the ALDS but the other Riviera, the one in Italy, on my honeymoon. I had a lobby computer and had to wake the hotel staff at 2 am for an internet card, "Scusi signor, io voglio internet per i Calzi Rossi di Boston." "I Calzi di Rossi? Ma certo!" Then I had to wait for hours for CNN International to show the least meaningful clip of the game just to follow it with an hour of Cricket coverage. Mamma mia! Apparently, the Red Sox are very popular in Italy. And, it's no surprise when you consider all of the great Italians that have played for the Sox: DiMaggio, Petrocelli, Casale, Conigliaro, Merloni, Oglivie

I got back in time to join an incredible crowd at Thom's watch the Sox knock out the Angels and the Indians knock out the Yankees. Yes, the Yankees lost in the first round again. It kind of seems strange not to face them in the playoffs, but for those of you belating the loss of another Sox/Yanks match-up, CHB makes it clear why we want the Indians.

*****

It would appear that Yankee fans are finally getting used to losing and are actually starting to enjoy it. Play-by-play icon Suzyn Wailman gave this heartfelt summation of their season. That's right Suze, he's our friend. The Yankees have even been kind enough to offer money back on tickets already bought. You just have to fill out this application: Yankees ticket redemption form.

The pennant games start tonight with Rockies at the Diamondbacks. Then tomorrow, it's the Sox and the Indians. Please get there early if you want a seat. Just four more wins until the World Series.

Sunday, the unbeaten Patsies face the unbeaten Cowboys in Dallas a 4pm. It's a big weekend in New England. Hit it Barry!

More Thom's Foolery

It's picture time. Here are a couple fotos of friends of Thom's with some big names:

First up is Sam McGee with hall of famer Bobby Doerr.

And here's the Kaz kids with Tina Cervasio.

And, finally, here are the pictures from my wedding! (Sorry, wrong link. Here are the real pictures)

When you like to take naps

And you wish you had Paps

That's Joe Torre.

That's Joe Torre!

-R. Zapatka

Bad News for Sox Fans

It looks like the Yankees have done it again. They've won the division. MLB even has the t-shirts printed. Well, it's the wild card again for the Olde Towne 9. At least we're in the playoffs.

In a surprising move the Yankees have also won the AL West stunning the Angels who have already celebrated the crown. The Yankee domination is far reaching and the Sox will do best to simply get out of their way.

Upon hearing the news that he had won the MVP and Cy Young awards A-Rod said he was so happy that he got his back waxed.

Good for you, A-Rord. GFY.

In other news, Manny's return to the line up has given a much needed boost to the Sox line up. And, with but a few games remaining he has a chance to get his average over .300.

Don't forget that all of the games are on at Thom's next week. But, it's going to be busy, so get there early. I'll be in Italy on my honeymoon, so I'll appreciate any and all updates.

More Thom's Foolery

Look for New Hampshire's own Smuttynose Pumpkin Ale on tap next week for the playoffs and, as always, the Magic Hat's Space Man Ale and the Harpoon's Thom's Ale will be $4 during the game.

Represent! Check out these shirts with your neighborhood or town.

And, you'll soon be able to buy Thom's gear here. You already have a Fitzy tee? Good for you. GFY.

Bad news, bad news come to me where I sleep,

Turn, turn, turn again.

Sayin' one of your friends is in trouble deep,

Turn, turn to the rain and the wind.

-Robert Zimmerman

Save the Last Dance

Get ready to rumba!

This weekend Olde Towne Team enters the home stretch with its whip out and red silks fluttering behind. But, gaining ground and poised to make a pass on the turn is that old grey mare, MFY. Suddenly, she is what she used to be and the 14 length lead has been shaved to-ok that metaphor fell apart like the Mariners.

The point is that I spent my formative years (ages 2-35) at Suffolk Downs Race Track in Eastie. It was there that I won my first bet and it was there that I learned I would usually lose. But, that was before the "Summer of Believe". Remember those guys? No game was out of reach, and the past few games this team has had a bit of that magic too.

This weekend will be a frenzied one. The Yankees are guaranteed to still be in 2nd place when it ends. But, how far behind will they be? The Sox have a real chance to put the Yanks play-off hope in jeopardy and you should be at Thom's to see it happen. So come on down and get there early. On Saturday, the Michigan/ Notre Dame game will fill the place up by three. So, if you want a seat you might want to try our brunch.

If, by the way, you're not able to see one of the games, don't worry. A buddy of mine from the Patriots is taping it. I'll get you a copy.

Don't forget next Thursday, Bombo films is coming in to tape the season's last edition of Ka(y)reoke for the new Red Sox movie.

But don't forget who's taking you home

and in whose arms you're gonna be

So darlin', save the last dance for me

mmmm

-Doc Pomus and Mort Shuman

On to Clamapalooza V

Clamapalooza IV was a huge hit!

Thanks to everyone that made chowder, ate chowder, served the chowder and judged chowder.

Congratulations to our winners:

Judges Prize: The Emperor's New Chowder
Popular Prize: Estee Chowder

All of the chowders were terrific.

I can't wait for next year's event. And, judging from the crowd, we might have to use both floors next year.

What's next for Clamapalooza? Glad you asked. Look for the fifth and final edition of the year featuring Rhode Island clam cakes on December 3.

Clamapalooza IV: The Chowder Off

It's finally here! The Chowder Off. Everybody's favorite event of the entire Clamapalooza season. It's bigger than the big bang, greater than the Great Awakening, more witchy than the witch hunts. It's all happening tonight at Thom's.

Come on in to try an assortment of New England Clam Chowder made by Thom's regular competing for prizes. Check out the line up:

(Pictured: Thom's regular Stephanie Gaskell

at the Red Sox checkpoint in Iraq )

Traitor Chowder
Estee Chauder
Silence Of the Clams
Chowda!
The Emperor's New Chowdah
Soxwinit Point Chowder
Ortiz’s Homerun Chowda

You need something to wash down that chowder with so we're introducing this season's Harpoon Octoberfest for $3 during the event.

Nobody knows New England better than Thom's regulars.

The panel of judges will be headed by Thom's regular and food expert Andrea Strong of The Strong Buzz.

There will also be a "Most Popular" prize voted on by you. Just fill out the ballots for your favorite and include your name and e-mail. You might win a prize for just attending!

On the undercard tonight is the Red Sox vs. the Orioles and the Colts vs. the Saints. Only 3 more days until the Patsies kick-off.

Under the seaUnder the sea

Darling it's better

Down where it's wetter

Take it from me

Up on the shore they work all day

Out in the sun they slave away

While we devotin'

Full time to floatin'Under the sea

-Howard Ashman, Alan Menken

Thom's Hits the Airwaves.

If you were up watching the lunar eclipse Tuesday morning you might have also been listening to The Joey Reynolds Show on WOR. If you were you would have also heard yours truly shilling Professor Thom's to all who would listen. The BLOHARDS invited me down to talk about the bar for a segment about Red Sox fans in New York.

As it just so happened that Bill Lee was in town for a "rivals" breakfast with the Yankees. I invited him down and the bunch of us had a great time.

Bill is still playing baseball-his team won the 60 and over championship last year-and working on a new book.

Listen to the whole show here.

Impossible to Forget

The Thursday screening of "Impossible to Forget: The Story of the '67 Red Sox" went well as many Thom's regulars came in to watch the 45 minute documentary that was partly filmed at Thom's and featured Thom's regulars.

The film told the story of the 1967 season through the words of well known Red Sox fans like John Kerry, Tom Werner, Ted Kennedy, and some lesser known New Englanders who were big fans of the Olde Towne team.

The film's director Brett Rapkin, "Spaceman: A Baseball Odyssey" was on hand for what was Impossible's New York premier.

The scheduled Red Sox game against Chicago was postponed, so after the movie we played the Sept 29, 1967 Sox game versus the Twins that came with the DVD to the delight of the remaining Sox faithful.

To Fight the Unbeatable Foe...

We all have our dreams. For me it's sitting on the beach with a radio, an endless supply of shellfish, and listening to the Sox go 400 innings while pitching every ace they've ever had: Pedro, Tiant, Wood, Grove, Ferriss, Young, Ruth, Parnell. (I know I'm leaving someone out, but I just can't put my finger on it.) For some it's getting a seat at Thom's for a Sox/Yankees game. But, for many the dreams began in 1967 with the "Impossible Dream" season.

Yes, ultimately, the Sox lost the battle with the Cardinals, but '67 is often thought of as the beginning of Red Sox Nation. It was when New Englanders around the globe united in their morbidly Calvinist tendencies and found hope from a potato farmer, a dentist, and a kid from Revere. (Talk about Perseverance of the saints!)

It was 40 years ago that they made this run and tonight at Thom's at 7pm we're going to bring you the 40th anniversary documentary: "Impossible to Forget". Behold the Irresistible Grace of Thom's. We'll even have the filmmaker, Brett Rapkin, there. And, afterwards we'll put on the accompanying DVD of the penultimate game of the '67 season versus the Twins! Dare to dream again.

And speaking of Red Sox Nation, Professor Thom's has been named the home of the Red Sox in New York in the 2007 Red Sox Nation Annual. All card carrying members of RSN get this mag in the mail for joining. Flip through to read about Thom's and many of it's regulars including the omnipresent John Quinn. (If you don't have a copy ask to read the bar's copy.)

On Deck

Next week it all begins anew when the first place Boston Red Sox invade the Bronx. Start your day at the BLOHARDs luncheon with Castiglione and a Red Sock to be named later. Then head down to Thom's early. Because you can forget about saving seats unless you're in the BLOHARDs or member of the NYCBRSMG. And even those seats are limited.

On September 6th come on by for our first annual New England Chowder cook-off featuring chowder from you, the regulars. Enter your chowder for prizes or just come to eat. Email for details.

To right the unrightable wrong,

To love pure and chaste from afar,

To try when your arms are too weary,

To reach the unreachable star.

-Joe Darion

Red Sox Film Project To Be Named Later

A fine time was had by all Tuesday, August 21 at Professor Thom's as Bombo Films, the makers of "Still We Believe", continued shooting for their next big Red Sox fan documentary. This was their fourth time at Thom's this summer recording New York's most eloquent Sox fans giving their version of play-by-play during a Sox game.

The exact plot of their next film is not yet laid out, but most of the shooting will reportedly involve Boston personality Mike Barnicle discussing the Olde Towne Team with other notable Sox fans like Doris Kearns Goodwin, Jack Welch, and even some Hollywood types and footage cut in of what Sox fans are doing around the country.

Two by two eager fans signed up and sat in for an half of an inning providing colorful commentary and witty asides. It's a baseball version of karaoke, or as it's called at Thom's, Ka(y)reoke in honor of the Yankees' broadcaster Michael Kay who inspired the whole thing.

John Quinn, Thom's regular and host of Ka(y)reoke said, "We figured that if he could do it, we could too. Besides, we just couldn't stand listening to him anymore."

The "broadcast booth" consisted of two tables pushed together and draped with a bunting borrowed from Busch Stadium following the 2004 World Series, two microphones, and various Red Sox desktop idols like Wally the Green Monster, Jerry Remy and Don Orsillo, and a Roger Clemens bobble head adorned in a cowboy outfit made from dollar bills holding a sign that read "Will work fer money".

The fan favorite this evening was Fitzy from "Townie News". Fitzy makes a living commenting on the Boston sports scene, vivisecting both undeperformers and opponents with his "GFY" stamp and making gods of it the great ones like Tom Brady whom he calls simply "TFB".

The folks from Bombo will be back at Thom's several times more this season starting with the August 28 game versus the Yankees. As for Ka(y)reoke, that just keeps getting bigger and bigger. Says John Quinn, "Even the Red Sox owners have been here to see it."

Gag-ne with a Spoon

Ever since the Sox made "the big trade" of the trading deadline it's been all down hill. Gagne' was supposed to be un savior but has turned out to be un bust grande. (Not that I have anything against a grand bust.) I know a certain GFYer is gaga for Gag-ne. But, at this point I'd rather trade for Monty Stratton and limp into the play-offs then risk losing outright. I know he'll probably turn it around, but by then the MFY could be-OK, OK the brakes are on. No more fear. Let's talk about good things:

The Good Things

Good thing #1: Super Sox minor leaguer Clay Buchholz makes his debut tomorrow in the double header vs. the Angels.

The good things are happening all over the place. Tuesday James Bond Nights in the Loft have been a huge hit. And, next Tuesday you can be in a movie downstairs at Thom's when the nice people from Bombo films come by to shoot for their new Red Sox documentary. Do not be left out of this one. This is the last Red Sox documentary anyone will ever make.

Then on Thursday, the 23rd we're going to tape your eyes open and feed you a media overload. At 7 pm we'll be screening the film about the '67 Sox, "Impossible to Forget". And, at 9pm, we'll be having the newest installment of the Boston Teabag Party featuring Fitzy.

August 28, the BLOHARDS are having their summer luncheon at the Yale Club with their usual gathering of surprise guests. Get tickets here.

More Thom's Foolery

Well all those years of conjugal visits have finally paid off. Walpole has a hardened bunch of Little Leaguers making their debut tomorrow in the Little League World Series at 2pm. If you have friends at MCI Cedar Junction in Walpole you probably know the parents of a few of these lads (sorry, no porkers) who traded 3o cartons of cigarettes just to get to Williamsport. Good for them, I say. Look for little Willie Horton in left field and batting clean-up.

It seems like some people are taking the death of Brooke Astor harder than others. Jose' Offerman-Astor had to be controled by members of two teams and Tommy John when he heard the news of his estranged grand aunt. This came but 8 minutes after learning that he plays for the Long Island Ducks.

Good thing

my good thing

my my my my good thing

where have you gone?

My good thing

my good thing

good thing

-FYC

Get me off this ride I'm sick already.

Christ! The Sox are a bunch of scarry SOBs. It's getting so that if I don't watch the game I'm so afraid they lost that I spy the nightly scores on my laptop with one eye, sneaking up on it like I used to sneak up on the mice in my West Village apartment dancing around my sonic pest preventer like it was emiting house music. (Mice are big fans of drum and bass, btw.) I learned from those mice that you can't really get rid of them unless of course you gas them. And the Yankees, the pests they are, will not go away (unless of course we gas them). So, again like the mice, we're going to have to beat them with our bats!

Did anyone else notice that when the Yankees cut the lead to 5 games the heavens opened, the subways ceased, and there was even a tornado in Brooklyn? (Three youths in East New York have been arrested for shooting at the tornado.) I'm not saying that Steinbrenner was directly responsible. But, it did seem like a celebration of sorts.

But there is good news! Yes, a silver lining if you will. Moxie is back in New England! A Bedford NH company has purchased the calvinist Cola from Monarch Beverage of Atlanta and is attempting to restore it to the height of it's early 20th century pride. Y'know, Teddy Ballgame drank Moxie. Look for Moxie bombs at Thom's soon. Jes'um Crow!

I know you think I sound like Bill Simons on a nostalgia trip driving the A-Team van trying to out-inside The Insiders on The Morton Downey Jr. Show. You weren't? Ok, I'll get to what's going on at Thom's:

• Coming up on Tuesday, the 21st of August we'll be filming more footage of Ka(y)reoke for the nice people at Bombo Films. Some of this footage will be in the new Red Sox documentary.
• On Thursday, the 23rd we'll be screening Brett Rapkin's new film about the '67 Sox, "Impossible to Forget".
• After the film on the 23rd we have the Boston Teabag Party upstairs featuring everyone's favorite townie: Fitzy.
• On Tuesday, the 28th the BLOHARDS will be having their Summer Lunch at the Yale club and Bombo Films will be back at Thom's to shoot the crowd during the Yankee game.
• We need your Chowder for our Sept 6th Chowder cook off. Prizes galour.

Ahw shit, yeah, thats right huh

Rollercoaster of love

Say what

Rollercoaster yeah (oohh oohh oohh)

Oh baby you know what Im talking about

Something to Believe in.

Set the wayback machine for 1986...

If you grew up anywhere near Boston 20 years ago you'll remember a t-shirt that said "Boston: It's the balls". It showed the logos of the Sox, Pats, and Celts who all went to the championship within a year of eachother. It was a nice time to be a Masshole. Unfortunately, the Sox and Pats participated in two of the most famous losses ever and the Celts celebrated what was to be their last championship for 200 years.

Well dust off those t-shirts because it's time for a bit of nostalgia.

The Pats, tired of not winning a Super Bowl in a couple years, beefed up their roster in the off-season by adding a stud LB and stud wide receivers led by Randy Moss. And the Sox, not content with leading everybody in baseball are reportedly adding Gagne today.

And, now for the big news: Basketball in Boston is once again palatable.

The Celts have just announced the acquisition of Kevin McHale's prodigy: Kevin Garnett. They finally decided to throw around some green stuff. That's right, the Celtics now have three aging superstars with a two year window to win it all! (Actually, if they just get to another championship I'll be a happy camper.) In making the deal, the Celts have traded away the rest of their team and first round draft picks ad infinitum. But, do not fear. To compensate for their seeming lack of bench Bill Russell will be coming out of retirement. And, since the Bruins have elected to take a year off to save salary, they will be loaning 7' 2" defenseman Zdeno Charo to the Celtics. Chara will not be informed of the deal and will wear his skates and carry a stick. Oh, happy days are here again! No more lonely winter nights at Thom's.

Now if Tree Rollins will only re-bite Danny Ainge's finger the nostalgia trip will be complete. Mr. Peabody couldn't do a better job of bringing me back. I already have my suede Pumas and my Adidas suit out of storage. Look for my feathered hair this weekend at Thom's.

More Thom's Foolery

• Speaking of anachronisms, Fitzie will be back with the whole dang Boston Teabag Party on August 16.
• On August 28th the nice people at Bombo films will be back to shoot more of their new Sox doc. Be at Thom's and be a star.
• Looking way ahead, September 6th we'll be having Clamapalooza IV: The Chowder Off. We're inviting you to bring in your best chowder for a cooking contest. See the blog or ask at the bar for more details.

I tried all night not to break down and cry

As the tears rolled down my face

I felt so cold and empty

Like a lost soul out of place

And the mirror, mirror on the wall

Sees my smile it fades again

Give me something to believe in.

-Poison

Ut oh, Bombo

Bombo's back and you're going to be famous. The camera crew that was there last month will visit Thom's again tomorrow to get more footage of Ka(y)reoke for their new Red Sox film. What's it about? I have no clue. Their last Sox film was "Still We Believe" so I assume it focuses on the fans.

Get there early to sign up for play-by-play.

Desperate Diaspora ep. I

INT. PROFESSOR THOM'S, EAST VILLAGE NYC, NIGHT

There have been violent doings from Boston to New York and the population is worried, scared. Professor Thom's has become something of a fall-out shelter for New York's finest citizens: Red Sox fans.
Jim and Chris attempt to calm the crowd.

JIM
Alright everybody just calm down a bit. We want to see who's here.

CHRIS
That's right. When I say the name of your group, somebody say "Hehya". BLOHARDS?

BLOHARD
Heaya.

CHRIS
New York City Red Sox Meet-up Group of New York City?

NYCRSMUGONYC
Heeeah.

CHRIS
Fitzy?

FITZY
F'n right I'm f'n heah you hump. Missing this would be like Tony Franklin missing a field goal with his baeh foot wrapped in a-

JIM
Fitzy! Just say "heeeeah".

FITZY
Heea.

CHRIS
Thank you. Assorted Thom's regulars?

JIM
That's what she said.

CHRIS
Huh?

THOM'S REGULARS
Heeya.

CHRIS
Well, that's everybody.

JIM
Who ah those guys in the coarner? They look scahd.

CHRIS
Those are refuges from the Riviera Café. They were the last ones to get out. They say they just followed the crowd. I think they’re a little intimidated by the friendly service and all of the TVs. Maybe we should shut a few off.

JIM
I’ll send Michael over to make them feel bettah.

CHRIS
Michael? You mean Big Giant Pez? Christ, he just had three bowls of chili!

JIM
Well, what are we going to do?

CHRIS
Buy some air-freshener?

JIM
No, I mean about the Red Sawx. Some of these people don’t look good.

CHRIS
Some of these people never looked good.

JIM
You know what I mean. We gat to make them feel better.

CHRIS
We could have Michael kiss their hands and recite his Gregorian chant: “Yankees Suck”.

JIM
They have enough problems.

CHRIS
Well, I think the BLOHARDS are alright. They’re sitting at their booth reciting lines from “Mr. Baseball”.

JIM
Magnum?

CHRIS
Yeah, and I put a keg at the table of NYCRSMUGONYC. So, they should be fine for about 8 or 9 minutes.

JIM
We should put a urinal there too.

CHRIS
Good idea. And, I told the Thom’s regulars that they could save seats today and today only.

JIM
That was nice of you.

FITZY
Dude? I’m worried about those Riviera refugees. They look like “Long-Ball” Shiraldi giving up his second double; they look like Drew Bledsoe being introduced to Moe Lewis; they look like Dee Brown getting a friendly escort to the pavement by the Wellesley police; they-

CHRIS
I get it Fitzy. I’ll say something.

FITZY
F’in eh. You-

JIM
FITZY!

CHRIS
Can I have your attention please? BLOHARDS, could you please stop playing Strat-o-matic for a second? Thank you. These are desperate times for we loyal American-

GARETH
Crtndnnhlc Rdplccnk!

CHRIS
Sorry Gareth, Welsh Sox fans too. But, we’ve been down this road before. Remember three games to none?

A roar is bellowed throughout the bar. Big Giant Pez wakes up startled, confused.

BGP
F the Riviera!

CHRIS
That’s right Michael. Like I was saying, we’ve been here before. We know what it’s like to worry. But, that’s no reason to stop coming to the bar. You know you’re going to drink anyway. Why do it at home?

RIVIERA REFUGEE
Is that NESN?

AUDIO The opening instrumental of “Dream On” by Aerosmith begins playing in the background.

CHRIS
Look, there’s so much going on at Thom’s. We have Clamapalooza IV coming up. We have Ka(y)reoke and film screenings. We're shooting a Red Sox documentary here Tuesday. We even have the Boston Teabag Party with Fitzy. Not a word Fitzy! The point is that we’re all family. We all have a common cause. We are all part of the great Diaspora of exiles camped behind enemy lines fighting for the common good. So what if we get swept by the Royals-

JIM
Actually, that’s what stahted all of the trouble last yeah: getting swept by the Royals.

FITZY
F’n eh! Kansas F’in City treated us like Jeremy Jacobs treats Bruins fans.

GARETH
Grbldcclmm cldhrsrm!

The crowd grows unruly. Gareth invocation was just enough to put them over the top. The bar is on the verge of mayhem though not a drop of beer is spilled. The Johnny Damon bobblehead on the shelf seems to be smiling.

CHRIS
We gotta do something. We’re losing them. How about “Sweet Caroline”?

JIM
I’ll put on the 2004 dvd again. Tell them it’s live.

CHRIS
Ok. Good idea. It’s like bourbon on a pacifier. Folks, the game’s stahting…

FADE TO RED.

AUDIO "Foulke to the set, the 1-0 pitch, here it is, swing and a ground ball stabbed by Foulke, he has it, he underhands to first…"

“Dirty Water” plays and all is right, for now.

FADE TO BLACK.

There's No Need to Fear! Fitzy is Here!

Well, the Sox are fading fast. Or is it that they're just giving the MFY a glimmer of hope so they can smoke them in August and end this thing for good? No, I think they're fading. But all is not lost. Just when you needed an injection of Nantasket Beach water, The Boston Teabag Party is back.

That's right! the Teabag Party is back and, seriously, it is better than ever! So come to Thom's tonight or go to Hull!

The Boston Teabag Party, the only show in New York City that features the best comedians from the Boston area, returns this week for its monthly visit of wicked pissah hilariousness, live from Professor Thom's, New York's best Bostonian-friendly bar.

This month's TNT powder keg of an installment is this THURSDAY, JULY 19th @ 9pm, and for only $5 you get an evening of laughs from:

** SHANE MAUSS - Best Stand Up Comic Winner at the 2007 HBO US Comedy Arts Festival in Aspen, CO

** PATRICK BORELLI - One very funny fella. He's been on Late Night with Conan and O'Brien and Comedy Central's Premium Blend, plus he just got married to his super-hot wife out in Wisconsin.

** ROB O'REILLY - He may look harmless, but he packs a mean, funny punch. Could he be the next Tonight Show correspondent?

**A special visit from TownieNews.com's PAUL "FITZY" FITZGERALD

** Another gluttonous MINUTEMAN CHALLENGE

** Hosted by NICK STEVENS

** Music, sidekickery and more from DJ MOUSTACHIO, aka GEOFFREY STEVENS

More Thom's Foolery

Q. How do you know when your big league team has jumped the shark?
A. When undercover NYC cops dress as you to make a bust.

Word on the streets of Bed-Stuy is that the NYPD is making busts dressed as Red Sox fans! Apparently, there are so many Sox fans in Brooklyn that dressing like them is "blending in".

There's no need to fear, Fitzy is here.

When criminals in this world appear,
And break the laws that they should fear,
And frighten all who see or hear,
The cry goes up both far and near for
Fitzy, Fitzy, Fitzy, Fitzy.

Speed of lightning, roar of thunder,
Fighting all who rob or plunder
Fitzy, Fitzy.

When in this world the headlines read
Of those who's hearts are filled with greed
And rob and steal from those in need.
To right this wrong with blinding speed goes
Fitzy, Fitzy, Fitzy, Fitzy.

Speed of lightning, roar of thunder,
Fighting all who rob or plunder
Fitzy, Fitzy

Half Way There

Vale!

No, that's not a strange imperative to head to the Oregon Trail town. That's "Greetings" in Latin. (OK, it's actually more used for goodbye, but I could not find a good segway for "salve".) And, speaking of Latin greetings, The Big Giant Pez, Iron Mike Leggett has convoked a Latin chant for the Yankees. It makes me proud to be a filius Lupae.

"Malo Yankees Est"

Malo Yankees Est
Libera Nos A Malo
Pax Non Vobiscum
Pax Non Vobis
Malo Yankees Est
(Latin, In Gregorian Chant, For "Yankees SUCK")
Michaelum

I don't understand either, but it's getting harder and harder to find quality Red Sox e-phemera for the blog.

Yeah, the ramblings are kind of crazy today. Sure Beckett pitched great during the mid-summer classic. It looks like his alter ego pitching prowess Godot has finally arrived. But, the last thing I remember is getting swept by the Tigers. I'm afraid of the second half to start. Allay my fears. Come to Thom's and have a drink or eight and check out what's going on.

Send me your blogs. I want to highlight all of you Thom's bloggers, so send me a link of what you're doing.

What do you mean that you haven't subscribed to Thom's YouTube page yet? Are you out of your mind? That's where you can see everytime Thom's has been on TV. Subscribe or die! I mean it. Subscribe, comment, share.

More Thom's Foolery

The Teabag Party is back at Thom's next Thursday:

THE BOSTON TEABAG PARTY (make of the name what you will), the only comedy show in New York to feature the best comics from Boston New York City has to offer, returns Thursday July 19th with another "wicked good time" installment for your comedic pleasurement.

It's really simple: 75 minutes of great comics from the Boston-area comics now living in New York City. You come, you drink, you laugh - everybody goes home a winner. Hopefully no fighting.

Hosted by Nick Stevens (from Braintree, MA - The Shark Show, VH1, ESPN, Townienews.com) THE BOSTON TEABAG PARTY features the people who grew up in a city and region so historical, so sharp, so tight-knit that we all had to move to New York to make people laugh...for money. Plus last call here is three hours later than Beantown.

The first four shows have been fantastic all-night comedy parties. And show #5 promises to keep up with our short but grand tradition.

AND LOOK! SHOW #5 HAS ONE DYNAMITE LINEUP:

• One of everyone's favorite people, and comedians, period - PATRICK BORELLI (Comedy Central)
• Winner of the 2007 Aspen Comedy Fest: Best Standup - SHANE MAUSS (Late Night w/Conan O'Brien)
• The darling of Best Week Ever, Comedy Central, and your heart - CHRISTINA FINNEGAN (Comedy Central, TV Land)

Sure to be wicked! Sure to be pissah! Don't miss what many are calling "A comedy keg party with a mic and some chairs"...

THE BOSTON TEABAG PARTY
Hosted by Nick Stevens

OOWA OOWA OOWA OOWA.

OOWA OOWA OOWA OOWA.

OOWA OOWA OOWA OOWA.

Once upon a time not so long ago:

Jon Bon Jovi

Vale!

Give Me a Break

Are you an All-Star? Come on, I saw you eat those Nachos by yourself Michael. Eric, nobody puts down Spaceman Ale like you do! You Weiners have occupied the same booth for the whole season. Can someone say consecutive games played? Willie, you're our heavyweight champine. Fitzie? All-star F-bomber!

Nominate your Thom's All-Stars on the blog. Just click "add comment".

All-Stars uberalles! Now, it's time to celebrate you. Take a deep breath. Regardless of what happens this weekend the Sox will be in first place after the all-star break much to Murray Chass' chagrin.

So, come in next week and watch the All-Star festivities and play along with Thom. We're bringing back our fun little HR Derby pool-tracker game. And we're even going to have a game for All-Star Tuesday.

Looking ahead, we still haven't picked a date for the "Impossible to Forget" screening. But, it's coming soon. Also, there'll be more Teabag parties and book signings.

Gimme a break
I sure deserve it
It's time I made it to the top.
Gimme a break I’m looking forward
Get behind me pull out every stop

I want a happy ending

I'm tried of pretending

Won't let em get the best of me

Wo wo wo wo

-R. Page and J. Graydon

The Future is Now

News Flash

The Red Sox have called up stud prospect Jacoby Ellsbury to play centerfield tonight; Coco Crisp is still nursing an injured thumb. So, come out to Thom's tonight and see for your self what might be the future of the Red Sox outfield.

From the future to the past...

PBS will be airing the inaugeral game of the Israel Baseball League tomorrow July 1 at 11am and 6 pm. The broadcast was filmed by Thom's regular Brett Rapkin who gave us "Impossible to Forget" and "Spaceman: A Baseball Odyssey".

10 Games, Teabags, and Thom Werner, oh my!

Ah, the week that was. We'll remember this one for a long time...(wavy lines)

It was the time we went up ten games again. The time we started filming for the new Sox Movie: "Still, We Still Believe, Still". The time that Thom Werner and John Henry came in to watch play-by-play Ka(y)reoke. (By the way, John Quinn and company do a much better job than the Braves' announcers.) It was the time that we screwed up John Henry's order. And, it was the time that Fitzy and The Boston Teabag Party took over from funny in New York City.

Yes, the Teabag Party is back and it promises to be a BIG night of haha at Thom's Loft. Who's going to be there? Glad you asked.

The Boston Teabag Party, the only show in New York City that features the best comedians from the Boston area, returns this week for it's monthly visit of wicked pissah hilariousness, live from Professor Thom's, New York's best Bostonian-friendly bar.

The line-up:

• A stalwart of many years of the great comedy that's come from Boston - DJ HAZARD
• Quite possible the nicest, funniest, most dad-like comic anywhere - PETE HOLMES
• Only two words needed: when I say "best acoustic Christina folk band in the world", you say GOD'S POTTERY
• A special visit from TownieNews.com's PAUL "FITZY" FITZGERALD
• Another gluttonous MINUTEMAN CHALLENGE
• Hosted by NICK STEVENS, music, sidekickery and more from DJ GEOFFMAN STEVENS
• Special "Happy Teabag Hour" party, from 730 to 9pm, upstairs in The Loft @ Thom', with pre-show beer and margarita specials. And yes, since Boston is a town full of drunks our happy hour is 90 minutes long. So sue us for bad/awesome math.

New York City has some amazing comedians, and alot of them are from Boston. Come see for yourself...or else!

Can it be that it was all so simple then?

Or has time re-written every line?

If we had the chance to do it all again

Tell me, would we? could we?

- Alan Bergman and Marilyn Bergman

Big Times at Thom's

What a crazy couple of nights it's been at Thom's:

Monday night we hosted the BLOHARDS and New York City Red Sox Meet Up Group of New York City while we put on a show of play-by-play ka(y)reoke. During the whole shebang we had a film crew there getting footage for a new Sox film.

Sightings

What owners of a certain American League East baseball team were seen at swanky LES night-spot Professor Thom's?

Wednesday night Thom Werner and John Henry, two-thirds of the trio minus Theo showed up at Thom's to catch the Sox game. They left during the rain delay, but not before posing for this photo.

Thursday night there'll be even more celebs at the Boston Teabag Party in the Loft. Catch the best New England comedians in New York talking about new England, featuring Fitzy of Townie News.

John Quinn and Matt Raycroft at Ka(y)reoke.

Seth Mnookin Visits Thom's

Thanks a lot to Seth for dropping by, fielding questions about the Sox, and signing paperbacks of his best-selling book "Feeding the Monster". Seth stayed and watched most of the embarassing loss to the Rockies Thursday night.

Looking ahead on the schedule:

Monday is a BLOHARDS viewing party. We'll be doing a little play-by-play Ka(y)reoke and there'll be a film crew shooting footage for a new Red Sox movie.

Tuesday is the normal Ka(y)reoke night. Come in and sign up for an inning of play-by-play. The film crew might even be back.

Thursday is the latest Boston Teabag Party. Come in and see the best comic minds from New England living in New York talking about New England! Hosted by Fitzy of Townie News.

Here He Comes To Save The Day!

Confused about this season so far? You’re not alone.

How do the Sox have the best record in baseball with three starters batting less than .250? Can Lowell match a home run for every error he makes this season? How long before our joy turns into that dreaded feeling of “Not again”? I’ve been there. Felt that. I was at Yankee Stadium in 2003 when what’s his name hit that homer. I know how quickly the glee can go.

Well, don’t fear; the man with the answers is here. Seth Mnookin, author of “Feeding the Monster: How Money, Smarts, and Nerve Took a Team to the Top ” is going to be at Thom’s tonight at 7 pm selling and signing copies of the paperback edition of his best-selling book and talking all about the Sox and what makes them tick. You got questions? He’s got answers.

Seth is just the latest in what’s become our summer author series. Andy Wasif was here last month talking about his book “How to Talk to a Yankee Fan” . And Brett Rapkin will be in next month to talk about his film, "Impossible to Forget: The Story of the '67 Boston Red Sox". We have a lot more lined up so stay tuned to the blog for details.

Speaking of celebrities, you could be one if you're at Thom's next week. The BLOHARDS are having a viewing party on Monday and word on the street is a film crew is coming in to shoot them doing Ka(y)reoke. They might even come back Tuesday. Do you want to be in the next Sox film? Then come by. The worst that could happen is you watch the Sox or get drunk and join the BLOHARDS.

(Photo of Thom's regular Stephanie Gaskell in Iraq with a "Sox Fan" patch on her body armor!)

Mister Trouble never hangs around

When he hears this Mighty sound.

"Here I come to save the day"

-Seth Mnookin

Here I Go Again!

Catch the Q Train at noon! Thom's Trivia Maven John Quinn will be interviewed on Voice America Radio today talking about the Sox!

If you're like me there's a part of you that hopes that the Sox drop two to the Yankees again. Why? Have I gone bananas? Am I soft?

That little glimmer of hope the Yankees had last week when they beat the Sox that was then crushed when they proceeded to lose 5 straight was so doggone satisfying. To have Youk's streak still alive and the Cap'n's gone; to have Beckett and Petitte have basically the same ERA and to have dramatically different records; to have the radio updates say, "The Yankees gained a game on the Red Sox" when they mean they're 13.5 back and tied for last with Tampa who also "gained a game" is all almost worth losing 2 of 3 if it means the Yankees will lose 5 straight again. Almost. Let's just sweep them and get this over with.

As always we'll have all the games this weekend and all the specials: $4 Thom's Ale by Harpoon, and $4 Spaceman Ale by Magic Hat.

Tonight come meet Andy Wasif, author of "How To Talk To A Yankee Fan" and creator of "Red Sox University" on NESN. He'll be signing books and talking about his experiences with the Red Sox during the game. By the time you leave you'll know "How To Talk To A Yankee Fan."

The Monster is back!

Come meet son of Newton, Seth Mnookin, author of "Feeding The Monster" at Professor Thom's on Thursday June 14th. He's been signing books and talking about his unlimited access working with the Red Sox.

Teabag Party

The next installment of the hit show "Boston Teabag Party" featuring the best comedians from Boston in New York will be June 21. Get your tickets now!

Coming soon

A screening of "Impossible to Forget", the film about the '67 Sox. Filmmaker Brett Rapkin (Spaceman: A Baseball Odyssey) will be in attendance for this film that had scenes shot at Thom's!

Thommies in the News

Portsmouth, NH's own and devout Thommy, Stephanie Gaskell gave up her comfy bar stool at Thom's for a while for a flak jacket in Iraq. She decided Thom's needed a correspondent in the Middle East.

Here's her first two stories:

Mosul again becomes model of U.S. success at rebuilding

In Kirkuk, a War on Garbage

Thommy Rick Field is famous for jarring his pickle. So it's no surprise that The Boston Globe would want to do a story about Rick's Picks:

Pick a peck of pickles photos

I dont know where I'm going

But, I sure know where Ive been

Hanging on the promises

In songs of yesterday

An I've made up my mind,

I aint wasting no more time

But, here I go again

-coverdale/marsden

The Night The Lights Went Out.

If a blog is written on a holiday weekend will anyone read it?

Ahh philosophy, from the greek word μαλάκας. It's what makes baseball a cerebral pursuit.

Tuesday was the time to be at Thom's! (Ahh, alliteration from the greek word Malakas. It's what makes a bad writer seem clever.) Not only was it the only win of the Yankee series but, the power blew on the amp temporarily shutting off all of the TVs and leaving the speakers off permanently. There was no music at all until Kim and Gareth stepped up and led the whole bar in "Sweet Caroline". I don't have to tell you that there were a few "Hands touching hands." And, then, of course, we sang "Dirty Water" after the game.

This happened at Fenway Park not too long ago. I was but a sprite (Ahh, sprite, from the greek word: lymon.) sitting in the bleachers with my chums enjoying Cracker Jack when suddenly the lights went out. Fenway was pitch black and fear gripped me. No, it wasn't Father O'Reilly. He was sitting two rows away. It was the idea that there were 30,ooo drunken imbeciles left to their own wiles, unwatched. When suddenly, the voice of an angel united us all.

It was Sherm Feller, the Red Sox PA announcer. He asked us to join him in round of "Take Me Out To The Ball Game." The organ kicked in, and join him we did. Sherm got us through that tough time. All in all only 13 deaths were reported and 6 people are still missing. This was Boston in the 80's; you have to expect some losses. I really miss Father O'Reilly.
`
Monster Seats
Don't forget there's one more week to buy $10 raffle tickets to watch the Red Sox and Yankees at Fenway Park June 3rd from the Green Monster. This game is projected to be Clemens' triumphant return to Fenway Park. So, get in and get tickets!

Thom's Videos
I have copies of all of the TV spots that have been shot at Thom's. Some of you even appear in the Riv footage! If any of these miscreants (Craig Weiner) is positively identified from the video there will be sever repercussions. If anyone wants a copy let me know.

Ahh no one's reading this. I think I'll just go play some Wiffle ball. Who's in?

When the lights go down in the city
And the sun shines on the bay
Do i want to be therein my city,
Ohoh ohohohoh ohoh
Mmmmhmhm ohoh ohohoh ohoh
-Journey

The Rocket, Clams, and Teabags.

The Rocket has landed back in The Bronx. Steinbrenner's not sure what he has left, but he's curious enough to make him the highest paid player. How fondly I remember the last time he was here. But, Roger Clemens (nee' The Dayton Doughnut) could not possible steal the spotlight from Clamapalooza III: Bye Bye Bi-valve. Sure, it brought Suzy to hysterics (or histrionics). But, we know better. We've seen this show before. It's been 17 years since the Sox first made Clemens the highest paid player in baseball and he's back on top. I can't wait till he gets knocked out in the third inning at Fenway. But, I digress.

Clams and Teabags Tonight! (By the way, do not do a Google image search for "teabag" or "clam" or both together. Yuk!) It's time again for a taste of New England at Thom's. The hottest clam event this week!

First, it's Clamapalooza III at 7 pm featuring clams on the half shell, fried Ipswich clams, and clams steamed in our star of the night: Harpoon Brown Ale. We'll be serving up tartar sauce made with Rick's Picks, the best pickle to come out of New England since Pitt Street Pickles was torn down with the old West End. And after you get your fill of zinc downstairs, get zinged upstairs by New England's best comedians in New York. It's time again for The Boston Teabag Party.

The Teabag Party will feature: MATT MCCARTHY, SHANE MAUSS, PAUL MECURIO, NICK STEVENS, and DJ TANNER. It starts at 9:30 so get your seats early.

LOOKING AHEAD

There are still seat's available to see the Comedy Central taping of Teabag Party regular God's Pottery. Check their website for more details.

June will be busy with bonuses. Authors Andy Wasif and Seth Mnookin are coming back to talk about their respective books and even sign a few. Look for details on the blog.

And, if you find yourself in Boston on June 16th go to The Greatest Bar and help The Calhoun Cousins (Thom's regulars) raise money for ALS at their fundraising spectacular. They'll be auctioning off everything you've ever wanted.

THOMSFOOLERY

Celtic retiring number 420?

The Next Thom Brady?

More John Henry Williamses? No!

Ol' whiskey comes from ol' Kentucky

Ain't the country lucky?

New Jersey gives us glue

And you - you come from Rhode Island

And little ol' Rhode Island is famous for you

-Howard Dietz

May Flowers

Well, it's taking a little longer than I thought for reality to set in. Either Papelbon needs some maintenance on his positronic matrix or he's just human after all.

Nah! Our favorite automaton CLOSER 5000 will be back in form very soon. So don't fret. In the meantime come by Thom's to enjoy all of the Sox games. Now that the Yankees are off the schedule for a little while it will be easier to get a seat.

And, just when you thought it was safe to block out the out-of-town announcers, Ka(y)reoke is back. Ka(y)reoke started last season when we were sick of listening to the Yankees announcers, so we let you take the mic and call the game live for an inning. Every Tuesday that the Sox are on the road you'll get your chance at play-by-play. Hosted by John Quinn, get there early and sign up for your slot.

Also at Thom's

Thursday, May 3rd

Let the Professor school you on exotic beer and rich cheeses at our first of many future Monthly Tasting Classes at the Professor's Loft. From 7-9pm at the Loft, get a taste of over 15 types of Craft Beer and Saxelby Cheeses plus a mystery Cask beer! Tickets are still available. Email petelevin@mac.com or call the Loft at 917.421.9678 for tickets or more information.

Everybody Wins

Huh! Everybody loses! I have the displeasure to inform you all that nobody at Thom's will be throwing out the first pitch at a Red Sox game anytime soon. We did our best though. With your help we raised $1000 for the charity. And 10 regulars will receive gift certificates and T-shirts. Thank you.

Good luck to Thom's regular Stephanie Gaskell who gave up her cosy digs at The Post to go report on the war in Iraq. I hope when you come back the Sox are still in first. It's the least they could do.

And try to catch another regular, Randy Ingram, performing with jazz vocalist and composer Julie Hardy live at the Cornelia Street Cafe Thursday, May 10th. Sets at 8:30pm and 10:00pm$10 cover.

Knee deep in flowers will stray, we'll keep the showers away.

And if I kiss you in the garden, in the moonlight, will you pardon me?

Come tiptoe through the tulips with me!

-Al Dubin and Joe Burke