Saturday, March 14, 2009

Brackets and Squares

Ok, so my McBeth jokes last week didn’t fly. Or, maybe they just flew a tad too high-well over everyone’s heads save a certain Portuguese hand maiden. Than again, maybe no one's reading. Either way, this week I’ll just stick to straight reportage a la the Paul Lynde School.

Peter Marshall: Paul, is there such a thing as a female rooster?
Paul Lynde: Yeah, they're the ones who just go "a doodle doo!"

Celts won last night. Yay. Paul Pierce took over in the fourth and OT in a game versus Miami that lacked Duane Wade, Leon Powe, Ray Allen, Kevin Garnett, and [gasp] The King of Sol’s favorite, Brian Salabrine.

Peter Marshall: Paul, how many men are on a hockey team?
Paul Lynde: Oh, about half.

The WBC [Oops. Wrong link.] has been taking it’s toll on Sox players. First Dusty got banged up and then Youk had to leave the team with a sore ankle. Unfortunately, Japan beat Cuba last night to stave off elimination. That means Dice-K will pitch again. But, the good news is Youk and Dusty will be playing soon.

Peter Marshall: True or false, each generation of Americans has been about an inch taller than the previous generation...
Paul Lynde: That makes Robert Conrad an antique!

Tonight is the night you’ve all been waiting for. Yes, it’s here: the Third Thursday Harpoon event. We will be pouring Leviathan Quad tonight and our other Harpoon’s on special. Plus, some give-aways.

Peter Marshall: Paul, for a thousand dollars and a tie game, according to psychologists, do most people sleep better in their street clothes than in their pajamas?
Paul Lynde: Yeah, we call them winos.

Ok, enough beating around the bush. The NCAA tourney kicked off a little while ago. We will be showing every game at the bar. So, come in. Park for a few hours. And, soak up the specials.

Peter Marshall: Burt Reynolds is quoted as saying, "Dinah (Shore)'s in top form. I've never known anyone to be so completely able to throw herself into a..." A what?
Paul Lynde: A headboard.

-Hollywood Squares

Friday, March 13, 2009

Sox/Yanks: A Prologue

Are you tired of waiting?  Well, it’s here.  It’s the prequel I like to call Red Sox/Yankees and it’s premiering tonight at Thom’s at 7pm.

That’s right, rivalry theatre is back.  Get the boo-birds out for Cody Ransom and Brett Gardner. Get behind stalwarts Jeff Baily and P McAnulty.  And, witness tragedy unfold when pitcher M McBeth gets sent to the minors because of what he calls a disputed call: "Fair is foul, and foul is fair".

When questioned as to which hit did him in, McBeth blamed the two-bagger: "Double, double toil and trouble!''  Alas, "what's done is done". 

There will be many leaving the Sox troupe soon.  But, the most important news is the two players that are joining it.  After leading their team to ignominious losses to the likes of Italy and the Netherlands David Ortiz and Jason Bay are back in Sox camp where they belong.

However, there will be one actor conspicuously absent from this here stage.  I'll give you a hint who it is:  His name begins with “A” and ends with “McBluelips”.  Any guesses? Anyone.  Alright, you can stop the emails now. In honor of his honor’s absence in which he was draining an abscess we’ve decided to make sure his presence is felt at the bar.  No, there will not be Madonna music (though that was fun last year).  There will be available a bunch of Tic Tacs on the bar for everyone to enjoy. Just please don’t throw them at each other.  You know who you are.  Every time the MFY bat a third baseman, make some noise.

What else?

We are less than one week away from our Harpoon Quad event on Thursday, March 19.   Join Sawxheads.  Check out the twins again. Follow me on Twitter.  Don’t forget to join Thom’s free college bracket here.

Ode to the Minor Leaguer

“Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more: it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing”

-Josh Bard

...If You Ain't Got That Ring.