Thursday, December 17, 2009

Happy Anniversary

Ah, the hot stove is heating up.  How nice it would be to visit the homeland again. [A salty tear falls to the keyboard rendering the tilde all but useless.]  The Sox have a couple new left-fielders and a new pitcher and a new shortstop and the tragedy of it all is these guys won’t be able to see any of it while they’re at work. That’s the Calvinist state that is Massachusetts for you.  Meanwhile the Yankees just keep getting stronger (please click).

Shoot down the state a bit to Buzzards Bay and a late library book is being more heavily punished then a 98-year-old killer.  Why?  Because that’s how New Bedford rolls. They eat barbecue octopus from a can and they do not like you taking over their room.  Do not live to 100 and never keep a book past it’s due date. 

When asked why she did it 98-year-old Laura Lundquist said, “She’s been wicked aggravatin’ for-like-70, 80 years. I had enough of that old bag.”  When the obvious pun was pointed out to Mrs. Lundquist she pulled a shiv on the reporter.


Tonight at Thom’s we take a walk down memory lane as we half-heartedly celebrate our 4th anniversary.  Come in and try some new Harpoon beers and get some free stuff


Still looking for that perfect Xmas gift?  Well, look no further. The  Thom’s store has a collection of books, music and dvds from people that have been to Thom’s.  Please support our regulars.  Featured right now is Bill Simmons’ “The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy”. The Sports Guy did a signing at Thom’s last month where about 1000 people showed up.

How about “This Bad Day in Yankee History” by Gabriel Schechter?  The author will be in very soon to help us conduct a little off-season trivia party.

Or, the perfect hat for the big baseball fan in your family. These custom made caps won’t be available for much longer, so jump on it while you can.

Still stuck? Ok, candle pins make a good gift.

Happy Anniversary
Happy Anniversary
Happy Anniversary
Haaappy Anniversary

Pour a cheerful toast and fill it
Happy Anniversary
But be careful you don't spill it
Happy Anniversary

-by Bill Hanna and Joe Barbera

Click for video

Monday, November 30, 2009



The reporter said, “Bill Belichick was so excited about tonight’s Pats game I saw him *blank*.” (please click for theme music)

I admit it. I’m a “Match Game” junkie. I usually watch two to three episodes every afternoon while feeding the kids.  And, before you say it, I know I’m making them junkies too.  But what can I do?

I guess I’ll focus on some of my other addictions for a while, namely the Pats and shellfish.  Tonight the two combine in an as yet unprecedented performance we like to call Lobsterpalooza. 

Yes, while the Pats are ending the ‘aints lossless season we will be serving up some whole lobster dinners and lobster rolls and raw clams and steamed clams. All of them at very reasonable prices. Wow! Thom Brady and lobster. While supplies last.

The Times-Picayune (I realize that “picayune means small and trivial, but-) has found five reasons the Saints will beat the Pats.  Now, I think the Saints are a terrific team but comparing Belichick’s first four years with the Browns and Payton’s first four with the Saints is hardly strong sports journalism.  History matters little. Where it counts is our lobsters are bigger than their lobsters.

If you find that you’ve eaten too much tonight celebrating the Pats bacchanalian like you were up too late dancing to Al B. Sure at Venus De Milo’s in 1988 then here’s some virtual ipecac to ease the burden on your stomach.  You’re guaranteed to heave.

Ah, can you feel it, baby
I can
Excuse me, do you think that I might be able to touch you
{Who me}

-Albert Joseph Brown III

Friday, November 06, 2009

A Yankee Theatre Review

Theater Review

“Like You’ve Been There Before”

by D.L. Pedroia

In the opening scene of “Like You’ve Been There Before” we are struck in the face by its audacity like a whipped-cream pie thrown from the ghostly hand of Soupy Sales. (Correction: whipped-cream has more substance. This pie is a money-shot and borne therefrom. Without treacle, spice, or nuance it sticks, runs, and then lingers for all too long leaving your face to beg “clean me”. )

Yes, in a thus far uninspiring theater season add one more play to the list of disappointments. The long and begrudgingly anticipated premier of the George Steinbrenner Production “Like You’ve Been There Before” opened off-off-Broadway last night to a packed house.

The play starts smack dab in the midst of a bacchanalian where all of the players known collectively as the Emmephwhy are introduced en masse dousing each other with celebratory libations. The cause of their celebration is insignificant as it appears to be long presumed by all partakers. Mutual, manly affection takes the place of the first lines spoken and then there they are: a clotted jumble of self-satisfied “I’s” and “Me’s” bellows with migrainic pulses reminiscent of the chorus of last year’s surprising hit musical “Robber Barons”. Before breaking off individually the players repeat insincere mantras setting the tone for a religiously decadent evening, of sorts.

For those familiar with the author Brian Cashman’s previous work, this should be no surprise. His style hearkens back to a simpler time in theater when a producer was all-powerful and his play was a projection of his wealth and insecurities. The writer was then his salaried medium whose job it was to transcribe the ramblings of a rich man drunk on his own affection. The aptronymic Cashman said in an interview three years ago, “Either you love my work blindly or you want to punch me in the face.”

Like a poorly planned film about the ascent of Everest this play starts at the top and goes downhill quickly. Sub-par acting and acrid metaphor is its Sherpa.

The performances in general have the feeling of being long over-prepared. Alex Rodriguez who plays the lead is again unconvincing as an everyman (Jack Ashe) whose every noble effort is done in anonymity for the greater good. Instead, he cyanoticaly mouths his lines as many of our players do. Derek Jeter plays lead number two (Cap'n Fispump) consistently, and entirely deserving of the Tony and Oscar he was awarded before the show opened. He touches on every intangible trait you would expect from a great thespian. Hideki Matsui soars in a supporting role performing the entirety of the play in a horrific kabuki mask. But his abilities seem somehow misplaced. His cadence and maturity feel more fitting for the work of niche director Jack Horner then this maudlin stage.

A surprising bright spot was the young actor Mark Teixera fresh off his off his triumphant portrayal in “Equus" at the Mercenary Lane Theatre. His performance as Johnny Statuary is understated and especially appreciated by out-of-towners. Joe Girardi in the role of Chief of the Emmephwhy is brash and plodding, and, in my opinion, too over-written to be believable. The idea that such a clumsy man could lead the Emmephwhy anywhere but to oblivion is laughably preposterous.

The veteran histrion Andy Pettitte is not unimpressive as much as he is perplexing. At times he seems to be repeating lines and stage direction to himself then looking to the rafters for guidance.

In a strange fit of whimsy Cashman wrote in a mythical Greek figure Testosterones who is able to buttress struggling members of the Emmephwhy finding heretofore unfounded strength in the frail and aged. We meet Testosterones first through Pettitte who plays the character Irving Maxwell Redeemd. Redeemd is born anew through the soft touch of the Greek mentor whose presence is clearly meant to impress predestiny for the all too sympathetic Emmephwhy.

Despite a few bright spots “Like You’ve Been There Before” is on a whole vulgar and unnecessary in a world filled with disappointments; murder is a kinder way to spend an evening.

“Like You’ve Been There Before”

Written and directed by Brian Cashman and produced by Geo. Steinbrenner plays forever at the House that Taxpayers Built. Tickets range from $150-2500.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Happy Anniversary

Where were you when the walls of Jericho fell?  5 years ago today your Boston Red Sox won their eighth straight play-off game and took the 2004 World Series in grand fashion.  So, Happy Anniversary!

I remember I was at a bar in the West Village with a few friends finishing up a party that had begun more than a week before.  The streets filled and the cops came and I’ve felt pretty good ever since.

It’s not easy to commemorate a day such as this; almost all efforts would seem insincere.  We’ll try anyhow. The traditional gift for a 5th anniversary is wood. So, I asked the NBA to have the Celtics tip-off their season on the hardwood against the Cavs.  Not bad huh?  Come in  and support the Celts and talk about your 2004 story.

Tonight at 7:30 your Boston Celtics will take on the LeBron Cavaliers in LeBronton, Ohio.  It should be a LeBronian night for all as the LeBron LeBron Lebrons the Lebron.  Got it? The NBA is dying to make this the LeBronba, but a healthy Garnett and a psychotic ‘Sheed should have something to say about that.  And, if Pierce decides he’s going to try and not just walk around and fall like he did against Orlando last year, watch out! Get there early for your seat.

And speaking of getting there early, don’t forget “The Sports Guy” Bill Simmons will be in the house tomorrow signing copied of his new book, “The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

Through the years, you've never let me down
You turned my life around, the sweetest days I've found
I've found with you ... Through the years
I've never been afraid, I've loved the life we've made
And I'm so glad I've stayed, right here with you
Through the years

-Kenneth Ray Rogers

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Mariano Caught Cheating?

You be the judge. So far only bloggers have picked up this story, but I think by the evening you'll see mention on ESPN at least. The footage of last night's game shows Rivera clearly looking down at the ball and hucking a loogy on it, then throwing a pitch.

Does this explain why that cutter cuts? Have we found the fountain of youth? I'm sure there will be more to this story.

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Huge Harpoon Event!

It finally happened. That thing we thought unlikely. Last night at Professor Thom's you did not finish our lobsters! To say I'm disappointed would be an understatement. So, to remedy this we insist that you eat lobster rolls all night tonight and tonight only. Yes, there are critters roaming the floors of the pub and for the first time they are edible.
Come in for the Red Sox game against Baltimore, eat a lobster roll. Play trivia, eat a lobster roll. It's late. Had too much to drink? Eat a lobster roll. It's your fault.
This Friday do not miss the Harpoon event of a lifetime. It's huge. It's gigantic. It's every other hyperbole I didn't get to use on my honeymoon. It's 12 Harpoon beers including 3 from the Leviathan Series and the man who started it all, owner of Harpoon Brewery, Rich Doyle. Mr. Doyle will be talking about the beers at 6:30 on Friday. You can do a tasting of the 12 for $12. That's wicked cheap!  To boot, we’ll be giving away free passes for the tasting at Trivia tonight!
(Oh, anyone from New England that has perhaps slipped into an alien way of speaking needs to see this video. This man can really help: Ass clown.  I expect you all to be talking like a “real Mainer” by nightfall.
Thom Brady
The Pats are back next Monday against Buffalo.  While they’ve cut most of their players and will be fielding only 7 defenders, Thom Brady will be there.  Therefore, the Pats will never lose again.
Thommies in the News
Check out the video NESN took of some Thommies at the only Sox win against the Yankees a couple weeks ago.
Finally, a huge thank you to everyone that helped is raise money for the Jimmy Fund.  Our two day tally was almost $2,200!   You rule.
He's been gone for such a long time
(Hey-la-day-la my boyfriend's back)
Now he's back and things'll be fine
(Hey-la-day-la my boyfriend's back)
You're gonna be sorry you were ever born
(Hey-la-day-la my boyfriend's back)
Cause he's kinda big and he's awful strong
(Hey-la-day-la my boyfriend's back)
-Robert Feldman, Gerald Goldstein and Richard Gottehre

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

The Red Sox Report

Check out the piece NESN put together on our August 22 trip to Fenway: Red Sox Report.

Regular Rob, the VP of RSN interviews two Govs and Jerry Casale. There are also some nice crowd shots of the group.

Also, don't miss all of the photos from the trip: here.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Jimmy Fund Thom’s-a-thon

The Red Sox are playing baseball. Hmm, in other news…

Join us this Thursday and Friday as we help support the annual WEEI-NESN radio-telethon for the Jimmy Fund by having a fundraiser of our own. We will spend two nights raising money by auctioning, raffling, and plain old begging. Feel free to give more than you can afford as all of the money is being sent to a worthwhile charity.

This year we will conduct the charity in honor of the late John Carroll who is memorialized in one of the artworks on our walls. Over one of the booths there is a framed poster of many of the major American newspapers the day after the Sox won the Series in 2004. Affixed to the bottom of the frame is a dedication to John T. Carroll Sr. who, born in 1919, passed away just a few weeks before the Sox finally ended their long draught. In his honor we will donate all proceeds of the two nights to the Jimmy Fund.

And, the highlight of the event will becarroll poster the sale of an exact copy of that framed poster, donated by John's son. Many people have asked where they could buy one, and now here's your opportunity. Also, look for autographed items and the usual Thom's give-away: beer. Thank you in advance for your support.

Also on Friday: He's back. The Dreamy One, Tom Brady is finally going to be on TV in New York as the Pats take on their former cross state rival, the Redskins (see, the Redskins began in Boston). Game time is 8 pm.

Looking Ahead

Lenny Clarke is coming to town. The sometime pride of Cambridge will be performing at Comix September 24-26. Let me know if you're interested in going.

Give a little bit
Give a little bit of your love to me
Give a little bit
Ill give a little bit of my love to you
Theres so much that we need to share
So send a smile and show you care

-Roger Hodgson

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

August 22, 2009 RSN NY at Fenway

What a time we had at Fenway Saturday! The Sox cooperated completely by annihilating the Yankees 14-1 behind a rookie picture. But, I got the feeling from the reaction among our crowd of 100 that it wouldn't have mattered much had they lost.

From the start the deck was stacked in our favor. On one bus heading up was former Sox starter and Yankee killer, Jerry Casale, who was celebrating the 50th anniversary of his rookie of the year season with the Sox. Jerry also owned the first "Sox Bar" in NYC which he ran on 34th street for many years.

On the other bus was Jazz star John Pizzarelli who performed the anthem before the game.

It felt like the game couldn't start without us.

The Sox supplied us with Red Sox Nation New York signs and sent the jumbo-tron camera by to broadcast us on the board. And, NESN shot us all day for a piece they're doing about the trip.

All in all, not too shabby for a day at the park.

Thanks to Sox and everyone that helped make this trip possible.

The Boston Globe made mention of the trip here, sorta.

Here's a link to the photos I took: RSN NY Trip.
Here's some that Jerry's family took: The Casales.
And, here's Pizz doing the anthem: You Tube.

Here are some more by partaker Eden.
And then even more here.

Thursday, August 06, 2009

Rock Lobster

Here we go again...

I have to admit, I really do not understand this completely. We are playing a four game series against the Yankees even though we're 8 and oh against them? Shouldn't they have to play against Pawtucket a few times first to earn an inning or two with us? Oh, well I guess I shouldn't complain.

I mean we have been in first place all year-hold on a second. I have to check something. Wait, this can't be right. We're not in first!? But, we have three catchers. One of them is named Victor. That means "winner" in, ahm, English! And the third one who is hanging out on the sidelines until Wakefield returns is named Kotteras which is Greek for "teacher of Special Guidance Remedial Academics". We're the winners. Oh, now I understand why we have to play them. Because after we win four straight we will be back in first forever. Phew! I feel much better now.

Well, at least it's a good excuse to hang out with some old friends. I mean, you are coming by this week, right? Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. What else could you possibly have to do? If you do decide to come in you can get some info about the two buses going to Fenway August 22 to see the Sox host the Yankees. Hmm, hmm? Not too shabby, hey? Also, you find out what these Lobster Mondays are all about at Thom's. Lobster! Hmm, hmm?

Thommies in The News

Next Monday, we'll have the Sox, cheap lobster, and immediately following the Red Sox game, the broadcast event you've all been waiting for. It's the network premiere of "The Lost Son of Havana" at 10 pm. Do not miss this film. You'll fall in love with Luis Tiant all over again. This film is a must-see for any baseball fan.

And, speaking of Thommies in the news, Thom Brady is on "Entourage" Sunday with Markie Mark sans Funkie Bunch.

We were at a party
His ear lobe fell in the deep
Someone reached in and grabbed it
It was a rock lobster

-Peter Griffin

Thursday, July 16, 2009

A Steal of Two Cities

It was the theft of times at the worst of times...

The Boston Herald follwed up today on its investigation of stolen baseball memorabilia from the Boston and New York Public Libraries. As the case progresses more and more of the facts connect former Yankee owner Barry Halper to the thefts: Boston Herald.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Half Way There

Ok, let's just play half a season and we'll take a three game lead.

What a nice way to enter the break. After it seemed like the Sox were going to stumble to the half-way mark in second place in the AL East, they sort of roared through the Royals while the Yankees whimpered out west. The result: a tidy three game lead.

Ok, ya'll want this party started, right? Your first place Boston Red Sox kick off the second half tomorrow night in Toronto. The shore be damned! Find your way to the bar. These are big games and the Sox need your support. I mean it's bad enough you bailed on BCN.

That's right, in case you have not heard, The Rock of Boston, WBCN is no more on the airwaves. It is instead being moved up the dial and turned into an FM sports channel called WBZ FM. Where once stood the mighty BCN will be the former Mix 98.5. Growing up in Boston it was almost a daily war between those who listened to BCN and those that listened to Kiss 108-I did a great Sunny Joe White impression, btw. I even remember a bumber sticker on my nephew's uncle's car that read "Disco stinks. Rocks great. Kill the staff at 108". (WBCN can still be found online.)

Pedro has signed a 1 year deal with the Phillies. he's not too optimistic, though, "“I might surprise you, I might not,” Martinez said. “It’s going to be really fun to go find out.” A think he was referring to a standing bet on the length of his jheri curls.

Thom's Media

Did you catch "The Lost Son of Havana" last week when it screened around New England? No? Well, it will finally make its televion debut on ESPN after the Sox/Detroit game on Aug.10th. Set your DVR now. Ok, that's probably not possible. But, make a mental note now! Still unlikely? How about I remind you?

For you literary types I added a couple books to the Amazon store. First is from our old friend Pete Fornatele who collaborated with Brian Biegel on his book "Miracle Ball: My Hunt for the Shot Heard 'Round the World" It's a terrific story about a long-standing sports mystery.

The second one is "Equation Nineteen" by Louis Garafalo. It's "a book about Alzheimer's research that ends up being used for unintended - and deadly - consequences." The story is set in Boston with many scenes in Fenway park. From the proceeds of each sale the author will be donating $1 to the national Alzheimer's Association and $1 to the Jimmy Fund cancer research center in Boston.

Whooah, were half way there

Livin on a prayer

Take my hand and well make it - I swear

Livin on a prayer

-Bon Jovi

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Halper Auctioeer Claims no Knowledge of Stolen Will

A new article in today's Herald puts the question of the whereabouts of Tommy McCarthy's will-the rarest autograph in baseball-to former Yankees owner Halper's auctioneer, Rob Lifson.

Auctioneer: Way of the will unknown

An auctioneer who worked with a deceased New York Yankees owner who
had stolen Boston baseball treasures in his collection says he doesn’t know what
happened to the missing will of 19th century Hub ballplayer Tommy

Rob Lifson, a consultant who helped Sotheby’s auction house sell
millions in memorabilia for Yankees owner Barry Halper in 1999, also said he was
unaware that a rare contract sold in that auction was part of a baseball
scrapbook swiped from the New York Public Library.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Yankee Thieves Steal Boston Treasures

According to today's Boston Herald former Yankee owner Barry Halper was repsonsible for plundering some of Boston's greatest baseball treasures.

Dead Bronx Bomber minority owner Barry Halper sold Boston Red Caps’ player E.B.
Sutton’s 1879 contract, which paid the player a whopping $30 for a season, in a
1999 auction. An unknowing California collector paid $4,000 for the document,
but according to a newly discovered 1953 letter obtained by the Herald, it was
part of a baseball scrapbook swiped from the New York Public Library.

Read the rest of the lurid story here: Herald.

All That Glitters is Gold.

It’s time for Thom’s This Week in Baseball.

They’ll be serving knuckle sandwiches in St. Louis on July 14. Yeah! You see, that’s when the All-Star game is and Wakefield is, ahm-let’s start over:

American League wins leader (11) Tim Wakefield will be playing in the first All-Star game of his career on July 14. Yeah. Roll the video. Timmy won his 11th game of the year Wednesday night against the visiting A’s who brought along an old friend.

Nomar visited the old grounds that made him famous. The man who revived the Red Sox, who allowed us to win every debate, whose number was hung from the rafters every night when he took it off came in as DH for the A’s struggling through another injury plagued season and received a prolonged standing ovation at the plate. He made it clear that he wanted to return to the Sox again before retiring, but didn’t understand that he just had.

The Yankee Way!

Did you think Yankee villainy began with Alex Rodriguez-Ciccone? Boy were you na├»ve. Aside from abusing tax-payers and soccer players it turns out that they’re grave robbers too. The Boston Herald reported today that former Yankee owner Barry Halper stole the wills of some of Boston’s early greats. In addition, he had possession of items stolen from the Boston Public Library. Are you really surprised?

Shout it out loud, We Love The YANKEES
We're really proud of our YANKEES
And we're gonna win today

More Thom’s Foolery

Well, in retrospect I’m glad we got Stephon because we all had to learn to accept a player we swore we would never like. This year we’ll put that tolerance to the test when number 30 Rasheed Wallace steps on the floor. If nothing else the Celts will lead the league in technical fouls. To be fair, he’s coming off the bench and if coached right could become an important, ah, shit-I really don’t like him.

For Timmy:

Hey now you're an All Star get your game on, go play
Hey now you're a Rock Star get the show on, get paid.
(And all that glitters is gold)
Only shooting stars break the mold

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

David Hunt Removes Questionable Harry Wright Letters From MLB Sale

The New York Times' Jack Curry wrote a new piece on the stolen Wright letters. It would seem that David Hunt changed his mind about the provenance of the letters. He went from complete denial to complete cooperation in a few days. I wonder what motivated him.

It wouldn't be a shock if more major papers picked up this story soon.

Follow the discussion further here.

Auction House Removes 19th-Century Letters From Sale

Published: July 7, 2009

Since the Federal Bureau of Investigation is still investigating whether some 19th-century baseball letters that were supposed to be sold at next week’s Major League Baseball All-Star Game auction were stolen from the New York Public Library, the auction house has removed the items from the sale...
Read on

Monday, July 06, 2009

Wright Letters Removed From MLB Auction

According to an AP story linked below, David Hunt Auctions decided to-day to remove 20 some-odd suspicious letters from the MLB All-Star Fanfest auction out of fear they were stolen from the New York Public Library's Harry Wright Collection. The letters document some of the earliest minutes of professional baseball.

NEW YORK (AP) -- A trove of letters to one of baseball's founding fathers has been removed from an upcoming auction while the FBI investigates whether they were among items stolen from the New York Public Library years ago. Read more...

Sunday, July 05, 2009

More Evidence Surfaces in Theft of Wright Letters

Jack Curry of the NY Times reported today that a baseball historian named Dorothy Seymour Mills had come forward to confirm that at least one of the letters for sale in David Hunt's Auction at MLB All-Star Fanfest had been in the NY Public Library as recently as 1956 when she used it for research on her late husband Harold Seymour's dissertation, "The Rise of Major League Baseball to 1891".

This revelation cast even greater doubt on the provenance of the letters said by Hunt to be the consignor's "grandmother's attic"-a term that's almost a cliche' for shady origins.

See the original story here: "Baseball Pioneer’s Letters Pulled From Auction" or below.

Friday, July 03, 2009

Caught at Seconds

Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone home?

I know I’m basically falling in a forest here, but I write with the hope that someday these words will reach some of you, somehow.
Happy Independence Day and I hope you’re far away from New York City enjoying yourself thoroughly. If, however, you find yourself among the damned-working on a holiday-and in town you may be happy to hear that there is salvation: beer.

That’s right, beer: “the cause of and solution to all of life’s problems” (Confucius). And, what goes great with beer? Red Sox. (That was an easy one.) Your 1st place Boston Red Sox are at home tonight against the Seattle Mariners and we have all of the action (and all of the beer) at Thom’s. Please come keep us company.

Not enough? Well, how about the long awaited return of MBM? Oh yeah, immediately following the Red Sox game, at 10 pm Manny will be Manny tonight for the Dodgers after serving a 50 game suspension .

And speaking of long awaited returns:

On Monday the Sox start a home stand with the A’s.

Fitzy: “The A’s? So what! The A’s ah a bunch of no named cellah dwellahs that haven’t beaten us since those exhibition games in Japan that counted [insert belch].”

Yes, Fitzy, we know, but they also have on their roster the prodigal son, Teddy Ballgame’s heir apparent, the Nosed One, namely Nomar. It’s his first return to Fenway since, well, you know. And, I’m pretty sure he will be very well received. So, be at the bar Monday-hankies provided for free.

Fitzy: “Shit I’ll be there like it’s Poison do a free show at Spit in 1987. Pour some sugar on me, Nomore. What? Too much? [insert bigger belch].”

Can’t make the Nomar homecoming? Manny will be in town next week to take on the Metropolitans at Shea City Park Field.

More Thom’s Foolery

The Celtics are hot and heavy in the off-season trying to find as many used-up over-rated superstars as possible. Highest on their rank list? Ready for this? I can’t do it. I can barely say it. Ok, Rasheed Wallace. I feel dirty. I didn’t like Wallace in college when I listened to Bill Curley house him in the NCAA tourney while I sat outside Bill Buckner’s Batting cages in my car and I don’t like him now. But, I strangely rooted for Marbury. Hmmm…

Stealing Seconds

Please check out what Jack Curry wrote in today’s NY Times. The story uncovers long lost articles from New York’s Public Library that have been believed to be stolen by collectors. Where did they turn up? Only MLB’s All-Star fest auction. This is a real black eye for baseball-selling stolen items it once owned. The sad fact is that they probably had no idea. There is sure to be more to come, so stay tuned.

I walk right through the door.
Walk right through the door.
Hey all right!
If I get by, it's mine.
Mine all mine!
-Perry Farrell

Thursday, June 25, 2009

You Know We Have a Hell of a Band...

So far the Sox have been smoking Washington DC like Marion Barry, but with nary a crack showing. All right, a cheap joke.

Tonight, future Hall of Famer and one of only about 8 men to play for both the Sox and the Braves in the Hall, John Smoltz, will take the mound for the Olde Towne Team on 387 days of rest. Will it be enough? A little advice to the Nats: whoever throws out the ceremonial first pitch, leave him in there. Sure, get someone throwing in the pen, but be patient.

Speaking of the Hall of Fame:
The induction of two Sox is quickly coming. In one month Jim Rice will be inducted in the baseball Hall of Fame meaning that he will finally be eligible to have his number 14 retired at Fenway. The Sox have long anticipated this day allowing no other player to wear it since Rice retired 20 years ago. Sadly, those petitioning for George Pipgras (1934), Fritz Ostermueller (1936-37), and Archie McKain (1938) to have said honor will disappointed. The honor is Rice’s forever more. If you’re going to the ceremony in Cooperstown let me know. The Governor will be in attendance watching Rice and Rickey.
More Thom’s Foolery
How About a little trivia? The first email I get naming two Hall of Famers that have played for both the Sox and Braves gets a $20 gift certificate to Thom’s. The person who sends me the most gets the same.
In Memoriam
“...98 year old, Katherine "Kitty" Dooley, daughter of Royal Rooter co-founder John S. Dooley and sister of "The Queen of Fenway Park" Elizabeth "Lib" Dooley , died peacefully in her sleep at her home in Milton on Father's day.” More info here.

Next up for the Sox:
The aforementioned Braves. A lot of people don’t realize it, but the Braves are the oldest team in baseball tracing their roots to the 1869 Cincinnati Red Stockings. And Bobby Cox has been there with them the whole way. Thank you. You’ve been great…

If you believe in forever
Then life is just a one-night stand
If there's a rock and roll heaven
Well you know they've got a hell of a band, band, band
-The Righteous Brothers

Thursday, June 18, 2009

New Harpoon Tonight.

Greetings Sox fans. It’s too bad that they didn’t play an NBA championship this year. Yes siree, it’s too bad. Even if they did play one, I wouldn’t know who won, so don’t ask me. Don’t ask me!

Anyway, how about them Sox? They’re getting pretty comfy in first place. I got to catch them first hand Tuesday night with all of my friends. It was RSN Day at Fenway and we Govs were given some special treatment. I watched Dice-K pitch; he didn’t give up one hit. I got the second lobster roll of the day on the Budweiser deck. I exhibited warning track power. I even got to witness a sneak preview of Fitzy’s new show. All in all, a perfect day at the ball park. And speaking of perfect…

The Sox go for the sweep of the Marlins tonight and also to-night and to-night only we will be celebrating the next edition of the 100 Barrel Series from Harpoon: Helles Blond Bock. I know, it sounds like a German personal ad, but I assure you-it might be. Please be on hand at 8 for specials and give-aways galore. The Sox and Harpoon: A marriage made in heaven.

What else? Oh yeah, the Yanks are still have trouble with the Nats. (oops, wrong Nats.) Well, at least Posada has found him something to keep him happy during last night’s loss, “For me, he felt like the old Wang," Jorge Posada said. Joba will take on the Nats today at 1 pm.

From The Desk of The Goobner.

Anyone want to go to Fenway? The Sox have authorized a road trip from New York to Boston in August. If you’re interested please send me an email.

On the road again
Like a band of gypsies we go down the highway
We're the best of friends
Insisting that the world be turnin' our way
And our way
Is on the road again
- Willie Hugh Nelson

Thursday, June 11, 2009

The More Things Stay The Same

Well, it’s been a couple weeks since last we spoke. Where were we? Oh shoot, I’ll have to check the last newsletter; give me a sec…hmm, Sox in first place just completing a sweep of the formerly first place team (check), David Ortiz home run (check), Tim Wakefield rules (checkamundo).

Looks like nothing has changed. The Sox are up to their old tricks at Fenway, beating up on the lowly Yankees. When are these bullies going to give them a break? It just doesn’t seem sporting. Game 8 of this best of 19 series is tonight with the Sox up 7 to nil. No team has ever come back from a 7 game deficit in a best of 19 series to win. The only one comparable was…you know. See you tonight.

Governor’s Conference

There will be an unprecedented gathering of the Governors of Red Sox Nation next week for a pre-game ceremony at Fenway Park. In all, as many as forty of the high officers will attend. Never before have so many Governor’s of RSN assembled in one place. (Btw, the previous record was two when the New York Governor and the New Jersey Governor happened to be on the George Washington Bridge at the same time-going in different directions.) Should you find yourself in The Cradle of Liberty next week please let me know and I’ll tell you about some of the events you can enjoy.

Congrats to Thom’s irregular potty mouth Paul “Fitzy” Fitzgerald for his new show on NESN.

Red Sox Nation Officers

Next week I while name on this page the newest officers of Red Sox Nation-New York. There is still time to join the ranks of the immortals. Just email me what post you think would suit you best and why. Please be sure not to repeat any already taken: List of Officers.

It's the same old song
But with a different meaning
Since you been gone
It's the same old song
But with a different meaning
Since you been gone

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Don’t Worry, Big Papi.

Great Caesar’s Goat! It’s over! It’s over! Yes, it’s over! Don’t worry, Big Papi. (Thanks to the BLOHARDS for the link.) In case you haven’t heard David Ortiz finally hit his first homerun of the year last night in his 150th at-bat and in doing so passed Chris Carter and me on the Red Sox 2009 home run list. He is currently tied for 7th on that list with Lugo, Van Every, Pedroia, Green, Ellsbury and Baldelli. But, with interleague play beginning this week a few pitchers are bound to join them.

The Sox have been having a grand time with the first place Jays the past couple nights and tonight go for the sa-weep. So, that’s one reason to come to the bar. Hmm. Another reason is…

Harpoon Third Thursday Party.

By now you now that the third Thursday of every month we introduce a new Harpoon beer and give away stuff like cases of beer, and t-shirts, and pitchers of beer, and key chains. Stuff like that. Tonight we’ll have Big Bohemian Pilsner which weighs in at 9% ABV. And, for a special give-away we’ll have passes to Harpoon’s Summer Session on June 5. We might even tap a keg of Harpoon’s Imperial IPA. Great Caesar’s Ghost!

Speaking of beer. We’re working with the nice people at Chelsea Brewery right here in Manhattan on doing summer tours for Thom’s regulars. If you’re interested drop me a line.

More Thom’s Foolery.

Josh Beckett appearance Today in Boston.

"Stop by McGreevy's this Thursday between 12 noon and 3 pm in order to meet Josh Beckett and try the new McGreevy's 19 ounce "Beckett Burger". (click for more info)

Ay papi, tu sabe, yo tengo
You got my fire burnin.
Ay papi, tu sabe, yo tengo
You got my fire burnin.

-Run DMC

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Versus and Verses

“Heaven. I’m in Heaven…”

I just will never get tired of three games on the same day. No. Nay. Never. The Celts, The Broons, and The Sox?  And the last two times it happened they all won.  Today they have yet another chance for the trifecta. 

At 3:30 the Sox take on the Angels. I can’t really make an accurate prediction on the outcome of this game.  It is regular season after all.  So, the Angels have a real chance. 

Then at 7 pm, it’s your favorite funk band Big Baby and the Starbury Surprise.  Yes, they’re coming to you live from Orlando with all of your favorites like, “FU Rafer” and “Van Gundy’s ‘stache”, and of course who could forget “The Magic Has Gone but the Green Remains”.  Game 6 tonight with the Celts up 3-2.

And at 8 pm we get down to bidness. No Bruins team has ever come back from a 3 games to 1 deficit to win a best of 7 series.  Tonight is game 7 from the Garden-the third leg of the triple crown is the biggest one. Pittsburg waits in the wings after annihilating the Caps last night.  Bidness!

Sox News

The Bard is back. It’s been sometime since we had a bard on our ball club, or even a Bard, and it’s due time we do again. (note: rewrite that sentence later)  So, you know what that means: Shakespeare quotes.  Yeah, we all love them and how neatly they fit in baseball.  How about this one:

"O, how this spring of love resembleth
The uncertain glory of an April day;
Which now shows all the beauty of the sun,
And by and by a cloud takes all away."

Obviously, that refers to the opening game of baseball season.

Or, how about this from Roger Clemens’ press conference 2 minutes ago:

"Be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon 'em."

Oh Roger.

More Thom’s Foolery

If you haven’t seen this clip yet, please do now before it’s all over Boston radio.  Keep in my mind, when this guy isn’t ridiculing A-Rod, he’s playing with the BSO.  That’s what separates Red Sox fans from the rest.

It’s a new season so we need some fresh blood. The Governor of RSN NY needs your help.  Do you have an official post that you feel you’d be perfect for?  E-mail it to me and it’s yours after approval from a gubernatorial committee.  check out some of the posts already taken for guidance in your choice.


Heaven... I'm in heaven,
And the cares that hung around me through the week,
Seem to vanish like a gambler's lucky streak.

-Irving Berlin

Friday, May 08, 2009

The Perfect Storm

Three for one. Tonight only. Get them while they’re hot!  We at Professor Dom’s have the distinct honor of offering you three Boston games too-nite fer the price of one.

That’s right. First you got your mean Greens. The Celts head to Orlando for Game 3 against the Magic.  Doug Henning is not walking through that door. And, neither is Rafer Alston. “Skip to My Lou" (sounds like an episode of “Mary Tyler Moore”) was slapped with a one game suspension for going all Moe Howard on Eddie House.  So, the Celts should be able to dominate the guard spots. Look for Ray Allen to score 70.

Is next: Swimwear.  You got your Red Sox coming off an otherwise mediocre performance that featured a 12-run sixth inning (all with zero outs, mind you).  Tonight at 7:10 they take on the Devil Rays and this time it’s personal. 

Then at 7:30 you got your Broons.  The Bruins have all but given away any chance to sweep the Hurricanes in Round 2. In fact, both 1 seeds find themselves down 2 games to 1. Tonight, the Bruins have decided it might be better to play hockey the way they did all year when they had the second most points overall rather than how they played all decade when they sucked big time.  The race for the Cup is wide open and the good guys are still favorite.

That’s 3 for the price of one.  Get there early.

In Memoriam

Where have you gone Dom DiMaggio?  "The Little Professor" passed away today at the age of 92.  Best known for his presence in centerfield for the great Sox teams of the 40’s DiMaggio spent his life after baseball as a very successful business man in New England. He was an original owner of the Patriots and tried many times to buy the Sox in the 60’s and 70’s. He is rumored to be replacing Leon Culberson in heaven.

More Dom’s Foolery

What else is going on? Let me see…Bear with me while I flip through the Globe…Hmm. Ok, nothing there.  How about online? …Really not much.  What about former Sox players?…Aha! There it is.  I knew there was something going on. I’m not sure how this flew under the radar. Bruce Hurst is back. Whatya know?  See you tonight.

Who hits the ball and makes it go?
Dominick DiMaggio.
Who runs the bases fast, not slow?
Dominick DiMaggio.
Who's better than his brother Joe?
Dominick DiMaggio.
But when it comes to getting dough,
They give it all to brother Joe.

-Red Sox Fans

Friday, May 01, 2009

The Story of The Hurricanes.

This is the story of the Hurricanes. The men that Lucic came to maim, for something Hartford never won. Put in a hockey hell, but one time they could have been champions of the woooooorld.

No, the Whalers never won the Cup. But, as soon as they moved to that hockey mecca that is North Carolina they began to dominate and eventually win.  Forget them, Whalers fans, forget them.

There will be no Brass Bonanza this week. Gordie Howe is not walking through that door.  I am sorry to inform all you die-hard Hartford fans that these are not your father’s WhalersThe Whale is dead. And, just in case it’s not, we got some hard-core Portuguese guys from New Bedford at the bar to finish it often.

Yes, the Broons have finally got a round 2 opponent and its name is The Hurricanes.  So you’d better believe that all of New England and New Orleans will get behind the Black and Gold against this menacing meteorological phenomenon starting Friday night at the Garden at 7:30.  I can smell the Cup now. (oops!) We expect a huge crowd at Thom’s.

That’s getting a bit ahead of ourselves because tonight the Sox take on the Devil Rays of Tampa/St. Pete and the Celts take on the Bulls in game 6. Both start at 7 p.m.  Two games tonight!

Last night the Sox got back to their winning ways with a 10th inning homerun by one of their everyman minor leaguers.  Meanwhile the Celts find themselves one win away of getting by the Bulls.  Huge night! But wait. There’s more.

At the same time in The Loft our favorite local Welshman that hangs out at Thom’s and wears glasses will be performing an acoustic set upstairs.  Feel free to wander up between innings and at the half.

A three game set against the Rays should get us through the weekend especially with a possible Game 7 Celts game Saturday and another Bruins game Sunday night

Then on Monday the Sox visit the House that Loot built for the first time. You know what that means?  They’ll finally have a sellout.  Psst,  Sox fans travel.  Ah Yankee Stadium: expensive seats, cheap homeruns (copyright Adam Liscombe).

During Game 1 Monday night we’ll be having a fund raiser for the Jimmy Fund with all the proceeds to be donated in the name of John Carroll (check the huge framed poster of the front pages from the Sox’ 2004 victory). There will be a $1 donation at the door.Thank you in advance for your support. 

And, Tuesday before the game the BLOHARDS will be having their semi-annual Sox luncheon featuring a Sox player to be named later.  Tickets are still available.

More Thom’s Foolery

There have been a lot of people at the bar lately lamenting the fact that we don’t play Madonna music anymore during A-Rod at bats.  And, the tic tac joke never really caught on.  What’s a serious Sox fan to do?  Enter “Bitch Tits”. Well, well, well, what could we do with this.  Please come back soon B-Tits. Please! (And, thank you “Daily News”.)

Lucic could take a man out with just one punch.
But, he never did like to talk about it all that much.
”Its my work”, he’d say, “and I do it for pay.
And when its over, I’d just as soon go on my way.”
Up to some
Where the trout streams flow and the air is nice.
And ride a horse along a trail.

-Adapted from Robert Zimmerman

Thursday, April 23, 2009

How Sweep It Is!

The Bruins finished off their long time rivals the Canady-Annes last night in straight sets: 4-2, 5-1, 4-2, 4-1, and came out of the series looking like the strongest contender for the Cup of Lord Stanley.  (Oops, sorry. Wrong cup.  Here.)  Next up for the Broons is likely the Rangers. And you know what that means?  The games will be on TV. Ooooh.  Yes, it’s the dark days for the NHL. The Bruins finally have a contending squad and no one can watch them because they haven’t been on TV. And mightn't be if they get by the Rangers. Well, I guess we’ll all have to find a nice bar that’s showing the games for the rest of the playoffs.  But, where does one find such a place?

Olde Kinderhook, that’s the good news.  Now, the bad news:  The Celts are frigged.  Dream bubbles of repeats upon repeats have been burst knee by knee.  With the loss of uber-utility big man Leon Powe-my favorite player-the Celts are left with very little inside presence.  Kendrick Perkins is emerging as a very solid NBA center, but he can’t carry the load alone. What we’re left with in the middle is 300 lb. Big Baby Davis who prefers a 20-foot jump shot to a rebound and the fouling automaton Mikka Moore.  Look for battle weary Paul Pierce to step inside tonight and fight for boards. “The Truth which has made us free will in the end make us glad also.”-Felix Adler

Celtics play the Bulls tonight at 8 pm.

What else is going on tonight?  Get in line early for tickets to “The Lost Son of Havana”, the mega-buzzed documentary about Sox fan favorite Luis Tiant and his first return to Cuba in more than 46 years.  SPOILER ALERT: Bring a handkerchief.  Every review has just raved about this film.  Sr. Tiant will be there.  As will many favorites of Red Sox Nation.  You might even see a few of them at Thom’s later on. Follow the link above for where and when.

Wow, a whole newsletter and barely a mention of the Sox.  7 in a row.  ‘Nuff ced.

Do you have any songs you think should be on the new Sox playlist?  Send them to me please and I’ll put them on.

Yo soy un hombre sincero
De donde crece la palma
Y antes de morirme quiero
Echar mis versos del alma
Guantanamera, guajira, Guantanamera

Y para el cruel que me arranca
El corazon con que vivo
Cardo ni ortiga cultivo
Cultivo la rosa blanca
Guantanamera, guajira Guantanamera

-Jose’ Marti’

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Olde Tyme Hockey

Do you know how lucky you are?  Well, do you?  Every few months you get to prepare for some playoffs somewhere.  Right now, you’re getting ready for two. 

Tonight at 7 pm the Broons open up their annual post-season exhibition with the Montreal Canadiens.  These teams do not like each other. RepeatThey do not like each other.  You want old time hockey?  Well, they’re putting on the foil right this very second.  Chara took some HGH last night and now stands 7 feet 16 inches. Lucic kicked puppies all the way home from the gym.  And Tim Thomas (He’s the goalie) caught 16 shells from a 30-06 in his teeth at the Boy Scouts gun range in Mattapan. Yeah, they’re ready.  They had better be because them Canadiens are tough (This one you want to click. Go to 3:30).

And we’re ready too. Harpoon is coming in to give away some of their new UFO Wit. I know. The irony of having anything named “wit” near a hockey game is laughable, but hey, it’s gold. And the Bruins wear gold and it’s a beer and so is a bruin. So, ahm- Oops, I actually just checked and it’s named UFO White. That’s more appropriate for hockey.  All the rest of the Harpoons will be on special too.  See you tonight.

Then Saturday at 12:30 pm it’s the Celts defending their title against the Bulls.  Michael Jordan is not walking through that door. And neither is Kevin Garnett.  Doc Rivers intimated today that Garnett might miss the entire playoffs.  I smell a conspiracy. Does the league want LeBron to win a title so bad that they would go all Tonya Harding on us?  The answer is yes.  That’s alright. We have them right where we want them.  Big Baby has been training just for this moment.  (gulp.) Go Sox!

More Thom’s Foolery

Looking for a home in the tony suburbs surrounding Traverse City Michigan?  Of course you are.  Well, I got the guy for you: Realtor Goes Deep.  While you’re up there try the cherry salsa.

And finally, are you a real fan?  Well, are you punk?  Have you ever done this?  Me neither.  So the next time you got a gripe, don’t complain to your bartender. Go straight to the top.


Saw an eyeball peepin'
Through a smoky cloud behind the green door
When I said "Joe sent me"
Someone laughed out loud behind the green door
All I want to do is join the happy crowd behind the green door

-Jim Lowe

Thursday, April 09, 2009

Thrivalry Thursday

What a day for a day game…Now I’m lost in a day game…

It’s Thrivalry Thursday. The Sox have a matinee today against the Devil Rays. And, since none of you are working due to the holiday you should be at Thom’s. Happy hour starts when the doors open at 12. So, by game time at 1:35 you can be sufficiently pickled for Passover. Why not. We have rivalries all over the place today.

Everyone knows the Devil Rays have replaced the Yankees as the Sox chief rival, so the Yankees needed a new one. In walked the Orioles. Perfect! Think about it: The Yankees originally played in Baltimore moving to New York in 19aught3. Ruth was born in Baltimore and played for the Orioles. How’s that for a curse. More? Jeffrey Maier. What about the boy who grew up in Baltimore a “Yankee fan”: Mark “The Mole” Teixeiraii. The only decent Yankees broadcaster, Ken Singleton, is in the Orioles Hall of Fame. And, “The Wire” is better than “NYPD Blue”. (Why the hell does tough New York cop Sipowicz speak with a Chicago accent?) So there it is, a new rivalry. And, they play today at 1:35. Have a blast.

Meanwhile, Thrivalry Thursday picks up again at 7 pm with the Bruins taking on the Habs. Then at 8:30 it’s the battle of states with gay marriage when BU takes on Vermont in the Frozen Four.

Don’t forget that tickets to Luis Tiant’s film "“The Lost Son of Havana” are on sale now.

And you can be sure that if you're feeling right
A daydream will last long into the night
Tomorrow at breakfast you may pick up your ears
Or you may be daydreaming for a thousand years

-John Sebastian

Thursday, April 02, 2009

Opening Day and Tiant at Thom’s

Lou-ie! Lou-ie! Lou-ie! El Tiante pitched the first time I went to a Sox game. I don’t remember a single out, but my mother told me I was screaming his name in the bleachers along with 30-some-odd-thousand others that fall.

Like now, the Sox were hot then. They had some of the most popular players in baseball in Fisk, Rice, Lynn, the Spaceman, Yaz, Dewey, Rico, Tony C, Dick Pole, and Tiant. Their ‘75 series against the Big Red Machine is often credited with saving baseball. But, among all of the great moments for the Sox in ‘75 the best was probably when Luis Tiant’s parents were allowed to visit Boston from Cuba to watch for the first time their son pitch professionally.

This April 23rd you’ll learn the full story of that trip and more when the Tribeca Film Festival premieres “The Lost Son of Havana”, a story that follows Tiant’s return to Cuba after almost 50 years.

Tickets go on sale April 7th to Amex customers and April 14th to the public. We’ll be doing a pre-film happy hour at the bar and walking over to the theatre (11th street) together. Tiant will be at the premiere, along with other Sox and celebs. More info to come.

And speaking of Boston baseball, the Sox are in town this weekend to take on the Mets at Citi Field. If you’re going to the games let us know. There’s some rain in the forecast, but don’t worry about the field. Citibank has asked the government for more Tarp money.

Opening Day is Monday. There will be plenty of specials at Thom’s for the 2 pm game against the Rays. Check out our clam rolls and chowder and Harpoon specials.

Louie Louie, oh no
Me gotta go
Aye-yi-yi-yi, I said
Louie Louie, oh baby
Me gotta go

-Richard Berry

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Love For Sale

In honor of the retirement of Curt Schilling may we present to you some curt shilling. Yes, as Randolf Duke was wont to say in desperate times, "Sell! Sell! Sell!" You may not know it but, Professor Thom's breeds talent. Today we'll feature items produced by Thom's regulars, or "Thommies" as they love to be called. And, before you say it, I know what you're thinking: "You're just trying to peddle junk that was left at the bar. no. There will be no right shoe of Mr. Murphy and there will be no dispensed tobacco from the Big Giant Pez. These items, ladies and gentleman, are prime quality, the genuine article. So, without further ado, the first item up on the block is:

"The Rocket That Fell to Earth: Roger Clemens and the Rage for Baseball Immortality", this touching story is sure to tickle the fancy of even the most discerning baseball fan. How about a gift for Passover?Because we all know that Clemens is sure to get passed over for the Hall of Fame many times. What? Jeff Pearlman isn't a Thommy? 'Maybe so. But, there were some Thom's regulars interviewed for this book.

Up next Tim Shea's "Fenway!: "The Ultimate Fan's Guide, 2009 Edition". It's the best resource out there for every one's favorite ballpark. "Wait a minute he's never been to Thom's either." Alright already. get off my back. He will be there May 5 signing copies of his book. OK?

Here's a twofer for ya: "I Like Jersey Best", performed by Jazz great and Thom's habitue John Pizzarelli and written by your very own Comptroller of Kickbacks (indicted) Joe Cosgriff. It's under a buck! Do not miss this opportunity. (Also available on itunes.)

More music? Do you want to rock out with your sox out? Check out the new record by Thom's regulars Control Mouse.

And lastly, a shill for someone who has never technically "been" to Thom's. However, his name is often heard. You may now pre-order the lovely "A-Rod: The Many Lives of Alex Rodriguez" by Selena Roberts. It's the heart-wrenching story about one man's struggle against himself.

Didn't find what you're looking for? Well check out the entire stock here: Entire stock click place.

Love for sale,
Appetising young love for sale.
Love that's fresh and still unspoiled,
Love that's only slightly soiled,
Love for sale.
Who will buy?
Who would like to sample my supply?
Who's prepared to pay the price,
For a trip to paradise?
Love for sale
-Cole Porter

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Brackets and Squares

Ok, so my McBeth jokes last week didn’t fly. Or, maybe they just flew a tad too high-well over everyone’s heads save a certain Portuguese hand maiden. Than again, maybe no one's reading. Either way, this week I’ll just stick to straight reportage a la the Paul Lynde School.

Peter Marshall: Paul, is there such a thing as a female rooster?
Paul Lynde: Yeah, they're the ones who just go "a doodle doo!"

Celts won last night. Yay. Paul Pierce took over in the fourth and OT in a game versus Miami that lacked Duane Wade, Leon Powe, Ray Allen, Kevin Garnett, and [gasp] The King of Sol’s favorite, Brian Salabrine.

Peter Marshall: Paul, how many men are on a hockey team?
Paul Lynde: Oh, about half.

The WBC [Oops. Wrong link.] has been taking it’s toll on Sox players. First Dusty got banged up and then Youk had to leave the team with a sore ankle. Unfortunately, Japan beat Cuba last night to stave off elimination. That means Dice-K will pitch again. But, the good news is Youk and Dusty will be playing soon.

Peter Marshall: True or false, each generation of Americans has been about an inch taller than the previous generation...
Paul Lynde: That makes Robert Conrad an antique!

Tonight is the night you’ve all been waiting for. Yes, it’s here: the Third Thursday Harpoon event. We will be pouring Leviathan Quad tonight and our other Harpoon’s on special. Plus, some give-aways.

Peter Marshall: Paul, for a thousand dollars and a tie game, according to psychologists, do most people sleep better in their street clothes than in their pajamas?
Paul Lynde: Yeah, we call them winos.

Ok, enough beating around the bush. The NCAA tourney kicked off a little while ago. We will be showing every game at the bar. So, come in. Park for a few hours. And, soak up the specials.

Peter Marshall: Burt Reynolds is quoted as saying, "Dinah (Shore)'s in top form. I've never known anyone to be so completely able to throw herself into a..." A what?
Paul Lynde: A headboard.

-Hollywood Squares

...If You Ain't Got That Ring.