Monday, August 07, 2006

Did you expect it to be easy?

(Please click the title for atmosphere while reading this. If it doesn't work go here.)

This e-mail is designed to cheer you up. So, off we go:

The bartender from Finerty's (the MFY bar next door) came in last night with a bottle of Jaeger to toast the Yankees. He said, "Here's to the Yankees two games lead." I said, "Why don't we drink to their three game lead? We know how that turned out." Hazar! Zing! The bottom line is I left drunk and got in a fight with a cab driver. What are you going to do? Charges pending.

There is so much goodness in this world, where do we start?

Jeter has a new perfume.
If you've ever walked into Yankee Stadium and thought "I wish they could bottle this smell?" you're in luck. Avon's calling with a new (PUN WARNING!) eau de toilet called Drivel. (Thanks to "Thunder Mist" Michael Benoit for the foto.) It's got to be strong. If it can cover up the smell of number 2 then it can cover anything.

Teach The Children Well
Okay, sorry. I know it's getting a bit hackneyed to pick on poor A-rod. So, I've started a support group to help encourage the intellagent people of NYC to get behind the greatest player in the history of life. The goal of Cheer is to spread understandingness for a talented, sensitive man. You'll notice in the gallery and video clips that I've included some of A-rod's greatest moments like dropping F-bombs on that coward Captain Jason Varitek. Please sign the guest book and join the joy party. (WARNING: please wear diapers before you look at this site. You will wet yourself.)

Even Good People Can Have Bad Days
Noted philanthropist, former papal nominee, and all around nice guy Michael Kay hit a bit of a bump in the road last week when he likened his job to slavery and the holocaust. He started his broadcast with perfectly harmless assertion the "Red Sox are done", then proceeded to have a mental melt down. The lesson? Do not bad mouth The Red Sox unless you're a Red Sox fan! Later, Kay found more trouble when the nice assistants at Bellevue had difficulty getting a straight-jacket over his big, stupid head!

The Sports People

Have you ever thought, "Hey I can write like the Sports Guy"? Well think no more! Thanks to the nice people at The Chicago Sports Review you too can columnize with the ferocity of of Darryl Dawkins on a styro-foam backboard during the 2003 Tet Festival. Write your irrelevancies with the same fervor of Bill Simons and post some snippets in the comments section of the Thom's blog. The best one gets beer! Free!

Happenings at Thom's

Tonight, like every Monday night is trivia night. Come on in a test your wits with our resident know-it-all John Quinn.

Tuesday night is Ka(y)reoke night. The Sox are on the road so that means that you get to call the game! Come on in and sign up for an half inning of play-by-play. (Please don't metion slavery or the Holocaust.)

After the game Paul Zunno, guitarist to the late Wilson Picket, will be playing. There's no cover so stick around and catch this amazing show.

Wednesday is Bingo night!

Save the date. On Friday, August 18 we'll be doing a fundraiser for the Buddy Walk. Some of the items available so far are a football signed by Adam Viniateri, a baseball signed by Jim Rice, Feeding The Monster signed by Seth Mnookin, and a month-long membership to Gold's gym. Check out the blog for more details!

(One more Moonshiners song for the road!)

Grab a potato grab four grab 8 no take all of them,

yeah grab a potato fry them boil them and eat them with the shell on.

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...If You Ain't Got That Ring.