Huge Game for the Green

To tell you the God’s honest truth I couldn’t give a rat’s ass about the BCS National Championship. Wait a minute. Is it “could give a rat’s ass”? Anyway, I could care less who won last night or could I? Damn it! No coffee, no brain. What I do care about is that two teams I grew up very close to are moving in opposite directions: the Celtics and the Harvard Crimson.

The much vaunted division III Crimson defeated the #17 ranked BC Eagles this week and thus rioted by parking a car in Harvard yard. Those crazy kids. But, do not think gloating is beneath the Crimson. Their website reads: “Lin Dominates, Harvard Stuns No. 17 Boston College.” Dominates! Take that Eagles. I would quote some more of the article but it’s 54 pages long and deals with the geo-political effects of the victory on somewho called Keynesian economics. Blah. Blah. Blah. The two Crimson fans in attendance for the game and were not treated well.

Meanwhile, doing their best BC impression your Boston Celtics have been shitting the proverbial bed lately. (Can I say that?) Their uninspired play has turned them from talk of the “greatest team ever” to three straight losses including an ignominious (I got that word from the Harvard article) one against the Knicks. Now, we know they’ll turn it around; they’re too good to play like this. But, it might take a boot in the ass from Fitzy to get them going.

Tonight at 8 p.m. they have a chance to erase all that has happened since a road loss to the Lakers. The Green travel to Cleveland to take on crab-dribbling LeBrOn JaMes and his Cavaliers. The winner of this game will undoubtedly be considered the best in the NBA and the favorite for the championship unless the Celtics lose. In which case it just won’t matter.

Hot Stove

The Red Sox have signed a few players thus far who will be auditioning for catcher. Mark Kotsay said, “They gave me a mill and-a-half and asked if I could catch. I can catch. I have a glove. I can catch.” Another candidate could be John Smoltz who was found scratching his head at Sammy White’s bowling alley. A professional caliber bowler in the 10-pin game Smoltz was only able to muster an 89 in candlepin and missed the red twice. Don Gillis rolled over in his grave and my 9 year-old niece could be seen in the next lane in hysterics.

The Sox also signed Rhode Island’s own Rocco Baldelli opting to give him number 5. Reporters were able to track done a few of Rocco's neighbors from Cumberland at the New York System hot dog joint in Woonsocket. Rocco's high school math teacher said, "He was a good kid, always took part in class, always had his book." Dennis McHugh who grew up on the same block added, "He was a real good kid. Definitely. Always stayed out of trouble and stuff." His God-father Claude Roy elecuted, "He was alright, I guess-no, just kidding. He was a good kid. He always helped his mother with the garbage and stuff. He loved cabinets and clamcakes."

So go ahead, put us down

One of these days we'll turn it around

Won't be long mark my word

Time has come for revenge of the nerds

-Rubinoos